How old ?

[cateyes1]

My Granddaughter asked me why her Mom & Dad broke up. I asked her what did her Mom tell her, she of course blamed it all on my son for the breakup but that is sooooo not true. Her Mom was the reason why they are no longer together. SO question. How old should a child be to be told such a thing. She tried to get it out of me but she is only 9 years old so I told her that she is to little right now hear why. She got upset with me but 9 to me is to young, what do you all think please?

[sdenimandlace1]

You need to be careful so what ever you say does not make her upset with you.   I have been divorced for 27 and I still till the kids there daddy is a nice man.  Or if they are real upset that that daddy is just daddy and he will not change.

[Dalillsa]

I was 11 years old when my parents divorced and that was the best father's decision for me. I didn't understand thereat that my mother was addicted to antidepressants and needed professional help, but I remember the day when she was completely out of her mind and started yelling at me for the spilled juice on the table, and then she rushed at me with her fists, because it seemed to her that I wasn't sorry enough for this mistake. I hardly remember what happened next, but when I was packing my things to move with my dad to his parents' house, I heard her screaming at him, breaking the dishes and threatening that he would never see me again.
After 5 years and two rehabilitation of my mother, I was able to forgive her and now we are on good terms, partly thanks to my dad, who practically insisted that I should see her, that this could help bring back the mother I remember before tablets.
If he began to turn me against her, then I'm sure that this childish fear and resentment against my mother would ruin my life for a more long time.
Talk to your granddaughter's mother. If she doesn't want to steal her daughter's childhood and spoil her relationship with her father (any psychologist will prove to her that this is very important for girls), then it would be right to adhere to the general version of the reason for the divorce of the girl's parents - people develop in different ways, grow, change and one more they aren't good together. Therefore, people make a difficult and painful decision for both - to divorce. But this doesn't change the fact that she is their daughter and they love her.

[stevensm4]

I'm just going to arbitrarily say that a prepubescent age is too young. Maybe wait till she is like 13 or something to tell her. She is still at this age where what you tell her could impact her so much, it could have a lasting affect on her for years to come.

[cateyes1]

I was 11 years old when my parents divorced and that was the best father's decision for me. I didn't understand thereat that my mother was addicted to antidepressants and needed professional help, but I remember the day when she was completely out of her mind and started yelling at me for the spilled juice on the table, and then she rushed at me with her fists, because it seemed to her that I wasn't sorry enough for this mistake. I hardly remember what happened next, but when I was packing my things to move with my dad to his parents' house, I heard her screaming at him, breaking the dishes and threatening that he would never see me again.
After 5 years and two rehabilitation of my mother, I was able to forgive her and now we are on good terms, partly thanks to my dad, who practically insisted that I should see her, that this could help bring back the mother I remember before tablets.
If he began to turn me against her, then I'm sure that this childish fear and resentment against my mother would ruin my life for a more long time.
Talk to your granddaughter's mother. If she doesn't want to steal her daughter's childhood and spoil her relationship with her father (any psychologist will prove to her that this is very important for girls), then it would be right to adhere to the general version of the reason for the divorce of the girl's parents - people develop in different ways, grow, change and one more they aren't good together. Therefore, people make a difficult and painful decision for both - to divorce. But this doesn't change the fact that she is their daughter and they love her.

I am so sorry that you had to deal with all that when you were little ....I did end our conversation with, "no matter who was to blame, to know that BOTH mom & Dad love you very much and they are glad they have you in their life.".....it is just bothering me that her mom is putting all the blame on my son. I so wanted to blurt it all out but I need to remember I am dealing with a little mind that is just curious.

[cateyes1]

I'm just going to arbitrarily say that a prepubescent age is too young. Maybe wait till she is like 13 or something to tell her. She is still at this age where what you tell her could impact her so much, it could have a lasting affect on her for years to come.

I so agree with you Steve. I did tell her though that what her mom told he wasn't true, and left it at that

[Nancy5]

I would be very careful what I say.  When there is a divorce I always think there is her side, there is his side and somewhere in the middle is the truth.  Unless one is a gambler, addict to drugs/alcohol or abusive,  you still want her to have a relationship with both parents.  I know he’s your son, but try not to get in the middle, she’s so young all she has to know now is mommy and daddy aren’t going to live together, but they still both love you.  Good luck, you have a rough road ahead of you.

[teresa3200]

Thats a hard one, maybe you should tell her to talk to her father and he can explain it to her.

[pkrahmer]

I think you did the right thing. Nine is very young to understand the reason for the brake up. Plus the explanation needs to come from your son and she needs to be reassured that she is in no way the cause.

[Jsnugs]

Sorry for the family troubles. I hope it smooths out. For us all, life can make us grow-up fast or it can break us.

[cateyes1]

Thank you all so much for your input on this matter !!

[ghunter]

So sorry for your family troubles, pray

[AshrafsFerison]

Thanks for this!

[Donnamarg323]

https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/101991282

[plennis]

You were right to not say anything.  She is to young to know more, she probably knows a lot more than you all realize anyway.  The thing is no matter how you feel to not talk either one of them down.  They are still her parents.