Jokes

[Virsteinn]

Ok, so this is a topic for people to post their jokes. I figured I'd start one because I haven't seen one.

I'll start it off: A woman's giving birth, and a doctor is helping her, with her ten-year-old son assisting him. When the baby comes out, he slaps the baby to see if its nerves are functioning (this is standard, if the baby doesn't react to the slap, then something's wrong). The kid says, "Hit him again! He shouldn't have crawled up there to begin with!"

[Rastov]

A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... then the reality of the situation hit him. "What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

The cop said "Have a good evening sir", and walked backed to his car.

[cloudsoup]

what does a cat call a mouse on rollerskates?


                 meals on wheels 

[gesus]

Elephant & a Ant

One day the Ant sees the elephant a hole he cant pull himself out of
So the Ant Says " Hey You need a lift ? I can Use my car!"
Elephant says " Yeah can you help me out ? !"
Ant Says " Sure " ( Pulls up his  Super Big red corvet and YANKS the elephant outta there )

Now on this day , the Ant is in the hole and he cant pull his self out
The Elephant says " Hey U need a lift !?"
Ant Says " Yeah can u help!?"
Elephant says " Sure ! " 
He pulls back and Whips out his *2nd trunk* down to the ant and gets him out safely

NOW THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS ...IF YOU HAVE A BIG ENOUGH *TRUNK* YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT  A RIDE 

[Falconer02]

What do giraffes have that no other animal on earth has???

Baby giraffes!

Eh? Eh? No laughs? Okay I'll do the first raunchy one--

What did the leper say to the prostitute???

Keep the tip!

Still no laughs?? Here's a good one!

GEORGE W. BUSH

[cloudsoup]

Still no laughs?? Here's a good one!

GEORGE W. BUSH

HA
HA
HA!


now that's funny 

[lher0277]

Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
 

[cbetancourt1]

giggidi giggidi alright