Would you? Could you?

[debidoo]

Could you let your kids possibly be homeless if you had bailed them out what seemed like a million times and just said no more?  I have helped my sons on and off (mostly on) for years and I saw my mom do the same with my brother and sister right up to her death.  I am just over it. I hope it doesn't come to that with my youngest who isn't all that young (in his 30's) financially I can't keep doing it and mentally I think it is time for both to stand on their own two feet. Does that make me a crappy mom?

[oldbuddy]

I certainly don't think it does, otherwise I would have been in bankruptcy years ago with my six kids, they always seem to be running into money problems. The oldest (55 years old) just had a kidney stone pass while he was at work and they had to rushing him over to the hospital. By the time it was done he had a $1700 bill which are really put a crimp in his monthly funds.  I just told him a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part, then I loaned him some money anyway.

[santa7]

I've had to do that with the older daughter.  Everytime I let her come back home, she gave me such a hard time that finally I told her that was the last time and she has children.  I just couldn't take the abuse anymore.

[teresa3200]

No, that doesn't make you bad at all. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and make them stand on their own feet. There are shelters here in Florida, I have seen your posts in the past to know you live here too, and I have known people that have had to use the shelters. The shelters make them get out first thing in the morning and look for work and are only allowed to come back in the evening. They do everything they can to help them find a job and support themselves. They also only allow them to stay there for a set period of time so they try to get a job and find a place to live.

[sfreeman8]

My 50-year-old always has women problems. He got a divorce after 11 years of marriage because she got hooked on drugs. It was her parents home for years and signed over to the both of them but in the meantime, she sold everything she could to pay for the rugs. He had nothing. I helped the best I could but told him I couldn't help more than I did.  He gave up his rental (very nice place) to move with his girlfriend to a bigger place. After 5 years, it was over. No place to go. Met another girl, moved in with her. She opened credit cards in his name and maxed them out, then kicked him out. Investigation continuing in that. We had a big fight that time because he borrowed the truck to move his stuff out to store here. Left his stuff on the truck (and on a trailer he also borrowed) for 2 weeks. Made all of us furious. Anyway, met another one...moved in with her for a couple weeks. She was bipolar. Some days fine, other days radical. He moved out and begged to let him stay here. I had no bed so he slept on the floor. Said it would be for 2 weeks. He was no trouble since he worked 2nd shift and slept all day. Only had 1 meal here when he was off for the weekend. Found an apartment after that 2 weeks and told him no more moving in with other women and giving up his place. They move in with him or nothing. in fact, best if it was "nothing." he agreed but.....doubt that'll happen.  He's not the type of guy to live alone or be alone.

i'm a 'sucker' for trying to help him all the time..that what my other son says but then I think about the years he lived on our property in a trailer rent free that his grandmother bought and lived there, my mother also lived there, and then he lived there with all my mom's kitchen stuff plus furniture, which he destroyed.  The silverware was part of a set yet he threw it away. I love my kids. Gave me my gray hair.

But that's called being a parent and it's not being a bad parent at all. They need to grow up (at least mine do) and if it takes tough love, so be it.  Don't feel guilty.

[Drutts0643]

2 THESSALONIANS 3:10
   For even when we were with you, this we commanded you: that if any would not work, neither should he eat.

But its easy today to give in to our kids.But yet the good book says,no work you dont eat.

The problem with the work force in this world is many dont like their jobs or the work isnt interesting enuff.We were created to work but in the sense it would be gratifying and then see the rewards for it.Plus you see the unbalance in this world.While some have so much many have nothing.Remember what Jesus said......

He said what good is it if a man gains the whole world but cant save his soul.If you arent alive money means nothing.

[gtdoss]

I don't think that makes you a crappy mom at all! I have a friend who was in the same situation you are with her grown kids. She would bail them out of their own foolish situations time after time, thereby enabling them to make the same bad decisions over and over again and never moving on with responsibility over their own actions. Not to mention that her life was total hell and being ruined over it! It wasn't until she let them go and face the consequences of their actions that they became responsible for their own lives and turned them around. I don't know you and your exact situation, so I wouldn't want to advise you on what to do. But I think that my friend's experience might be helpful to you. Steady on! 

[gwilson31]

No it does not make you a crappy mom.  My spouse and I went through it with our son.  It's very hard to put your foot down with your kids and say enough is enough.  But you also want to teach them to take responsibility for their actions or inaction's. (no matter what their age).  Parenting is a tough job.

[Nancy5]

No it does not make you a bad mom.  You can only help so many times then they must learn to stand on their own two feet.  I remember I left college and came back home and looked for a job (I was 20), my mom took me shopping for business clothing.  On our way home she looked at me and said I hope you realize this is the last time I will buy or bail you out other than birthday and Christmas gifts.  So you better learn and learn quickly how to stand on your own 2 feet.  I hated her at that time but as I got older I realized it was as s good lesson to learn.  Did I do that with my girls no sorry mom 😁

[BATISTAGIRL663]

Yes my children learned at a very young age choices and consequences and they know that there is always consequences for each choice so if that meant they had to be homeless on the street to learn their lesson then so be it

[stevensm4]

Could you let your kids possibly be homeless if you had bailed them out what seemed like a million times and just said no more?  I have helped my sons on and off (mostly on) for years and I saw my mom do the same with my brother and sister right up to her death.  I am just over it. I hope it doesn't come to that with my youngest who isn't all that young (in his 30's) financially I can't keep doing it and mentally I think it is time for both to stand on their own two feet. Does that make me a crappy mom?

It doesn't make you a bad mom. If anything, doing that might be the dose of reality these kids need to start getting their lives in order.

[potluck6]

no your a good mom. I have 3 grown and all working and doing for themselves. our youngest lives with us but pays rent and some towards foor. he is such a help. I mean myself and husband are in wheelchairs . He shops for us takes us to doctor appointments. Cleans the house. does have a girlfriend but they don't seem to be thinking marriage yet she has a 2yrold and lives with her grandma.

[ancmetro]

    You would be a better Mom if you teach your kids financial responsibility.
    Financial responsibility covers many topics: Self-sufficiency, meeting
    the wants of today to provide for tomorrow's needs, spending no more
    than you earn, earning enough to support your self thru hard work.
    to be adept at money management and much more.

[dreamyxo]

There comes a time where you know you've had enough.  They are an adult they need to take responsibility for their own lives. 

[lisah0410]

You are defintely not a bad mom you had done everything possible to help your son get back on his feet and you should be proud of yourself and he should be proud of you too. My opinion you are a awesome mom.