Shy or just rude

[hawkeye3210]

Yes, it is really, totally, rude and plain unforgivable. She thinks she doesn't have to acknowledge people, older than her. I would bring it up to your son, about her attitude.

Unforgivable? Getting a little deep in here.

[countrygirl12]

It's not rude. It's ridiculous to expect someone to feel completely comfortable people for the first time.

It doesn't have anything to do with feeling completely comfortable. If you go to someone's house you can say hello. Not go in and not speak or acknowledge anyone at all.  That is rude.  You don't have to carry on a big conversation but you can say hello.  If someone hands you a drink say thank you.  It is not that hard to smile and be nice.

[countrygirl12]

Yes, it is really, totally, rude and plain unforgivable. She thinks she doesn't have to acknowledge people, older than her. I would bring it up to your son, about her attitude.

Unforgivable? Seriously?  I can see both sides. First the OP did not say if people spoke to her and she ignored them.  I have been in situations before where I did not talk a lot. People may think I am rude. I will talk if people talk to me.  I don't run up and talk to people I don't know.

As for not acknowledging people older than her...was she the youngest person there? I doubt that had anything to do with it.  Maybe she didn't want to be there to start with and her boyfriend forced her in to it.  I have been in that exact same situation before.  I went to Thanksgiving with a boyfriend. I did talk to his family but I was not at all comfortable.  I didn't like the situation.  But I felt pressured in to being there with him.  Of course I did speak. lol

Saying she should never be forgiven is wrong.  I agree that she, by what the OP says, was rude.  She can say hello.  But I don't agree that she should be thrown to the dogs and never forgiven.  And talking to the nephew will only make him not want to be around you.  He will side with his girlfriend.  I know my nephew would and his GF is a real piece of work. lol

[tnshpalmer85]

I am a shy person, but as a shy person I know that is is rude to come into someones home and not even say Hello or thank you when you recieve something. I teach my children that from a young age.

[hawkeye3210]

It's not rude. It's ridiculous to expect someone to feel completely comfortable people for the first time.

It doesn't have anything to do with feeling completely comfortable. If you go to someone's house you can say hello. Not go in and not speak or acknowledge anyone at all.  That is rude.  You don't have to carry on a big conversation but you can say hello.  If someone hands you a drink say thank you.  It is not that hard to smile and be nice.

I agree with you if that's how the situations played out. It's tough without knowing the specifics, so I was trying to give the benefit of the doubt. Did the nephew even try to introduce her to his family? I don't know, but that would have been a good step to make her more comfortable. Maybe he wasn't comfortable with it yet, either.

This sounds to me like a fairly typical occurrence when someone brings a boyfriend/girlfriend for the first time. Give it a little time and they will be more comfortable and will open up and you can really get to know them. Or they break up before that and you never see them again. In my mind, some things just aren't worth dwelling on.

[kaat1220]

countrygirl:

The incident you described (the gift) and what happened in this situation are not remotely the same.

You come off as rude many, many times, and I am aware that I do too. At least I have the self-awareness to know this.

Those of you who are saying that it is just plain rude are the rude ones because you do not attempt to understand that people are different. You just get up on your high horse and judge, judge, judge.

People who are shy or have social anxiety indeed do have problems even looking other people in the eye. So, to assume that it is so easy to say "thank you," is a bit rude on your part.

For all we know, she did not want to come because of her shyness, and her boyfriend dragged her there anyway because HE (like many of you) do not care about how anyone else feels; it is all about you. It is all about social norms with no regard to those who may be different.

Any attempt to judge someone else and you guys are on it like flies on a corpse.

Makes me not want to know any of you. I have a very shy, backwards brother who people have the audacity to assume is not very smart because he rarely speaks in front of strangers.

I avoid all parties because I have social anxiety disorder, OCD, and depression. I can rarely leave my home anymore.

Shame on every last one of you . . .

A group of snobs.

 

[countrygirl12]

countrygirl:

The incident you described (the gift) and what happened in this situation are not remotely the same.

You come off as rude many, many times, and I am aware that I do too. At least I have the self-awareness to know this.

Those of you who are saying that it is just plain rude are the rude ones because you do not attempt to understand that people are different. You just get up on your high horse and judge, judge, judge.

People who are shy or have social anxiety indeed do have problems even looking other people in the eye. So, to assume that it is so easy to say "thank you," is a bit rude on your part.

For all we know, she did not want to come because of her shyness, and her boyfriend dragged her there anyway because HE (like many of you) do not care about how anyone else feels; it is all about you. It is all about social norms with no regard to those who may be different.

Any attempt to judge someone else and you guys are on it like flies on a corpse.

Makes me not want to know any of you. I have a very shy, backwards brother who people have the audacity to assume is not very smart because he rarely speaks in front of strangers.

I avoid all parties because I have social anxiety disorder, OCD, and depression. I can rarely leave my home anymore.

Shame on every last one of you . . .

A group of snobs.

 

LOL.  YOU come off as rude as well.  And yes the situations are exactly the same.  If you are too scared to say hi then you need to stay at home in your little box.  It is funny because this "social anxiety crap" didn't use to even be a thing.

No it is not rude to say someone else is rude for coming in to their home and not speaking.  You are being rude for calling everyone else rude who does not agree with your line of thinking.

If you do not want to know any of us then why the heck are you in these forums talking to us?  Oh so you can as you say get on YOUR high horse and judge all of us and yell at us and put us down? lol.  You do the exact same thing you accuse others of doing.

If is hilarious that you say you have social anxiety but can hide behind your keyboard and tell everybody off. lol. 

If someone comes in to MY home and refuses to speak to anyone then no I do not assume they are shy.  Most likely they are stuck up conceited snobs that think they are better than every one else in attendance.

[hitch0403]

countrygirl:

The incident you described (the gift) and what happened in this situation are not remotely the same.

You come off as rude many, many times, and I am aware that I do too. At least I have the self-awareness to know this.

Those of you who are saying that it is just plain rude are the rude ones because you do not attempt to understand that people are different. You just get up on your high horse and judge, judge, judge.

People who are shy or have social anxiety indeed do have problems even looking other people in the eye. So, to assume that it is so easy to say "thank you," is a bit rude on your part.

For all we know, she did not want to come because of her shyness, and her boyfriend dragged her there anyway because HE (like many of you) do not care about how anyone else feels; it is all about you. It is all about social norms with no regard to those who may be different.

Any attempt to judge someone else and you guys are on it like flies on a corpse.

Makes me not want to know any of you. I have a very shy, backwards brother who people have the audacity to assume is not very smart because he rarely speaks in front of strangers.

I avoid all parties because I have social anxiety disorder, OCD, and depression. I can rarely leave my home anymore.

Shame on every last one of you . . .

A group of snobs.

 

Kaat for the most part a simple hello is not a big deal and goes a long way.If we found out then a person has a bit of an uncomfy problem we can use discernment and understanding and not come down they are being rude.Maybe a situation may arise later on where we can strike up a chat with them and put them at ease too.

As for Contro-versial girl she is an outright liar.Heres the proof.She claimed Gods people came to her door and walked right in.Now there can always be exceptions to the rule but Gods people are told NOT to waste time with others that dont wanna hear the good news they are preaching.If we can detect CG is rude in a forum you can just imagine what she would be like in person.Point being she would be a complete waste of their time in speaking to her....and yet she has 1 of them un-invited in her house...LOL!!And she ends it saying they can get shot.....LOL!She has such distain to Gods people she needs to fabricate more so.I dont remember the topic but it was maybe about a month ago.She will do u or anyone else a favor if she puts u on ignore.

1 last thing RE the topic.I know i get annoyed if i hold a door for someone or let someone make a left turn on the rd and they dont say TY.But if we know we meant well and dont get credit we should remind ourselves we tried.Cant dwell on others bad spirits or their reasons why they are who they are.Or give em  the benefit of having a bad day.

[tantricia44]

I think she was just uncomfortable about meeting new people. It takes more time than two meetings for some people to show their true behavior, personality. I'm antisocial & it's hard for me to even go to family invites & I've known them forever!

[clickers]

People really struggle to be social It stems from the 'Spirit of Fear' The bible helps us to understand in in  Timothy 1:7; For God hath not given us the spirit fear; but of power and of love, and a sound mind, KJV.

[hitch0403]

People really struggle to be social It stems from the 'Spirit of Fear' The bible helps us to understand in in  Timothy 1:7; For God hath not given us the spirit fear; but of power and of love, and a sound mind, KJV.

The bible also says in the last days the love of the greater number will cool off.That scripture is more world related then the situation here.Its hard to know by what has been presented if the person is a snob or not.Maybe they even had a tummy ache.

[UGetPaid]

Wow! That escalated quickly!


There are some people who are so cripplingly shy that it comes across as being rude, but it honestly and truly is shyness and anxiety. There is a young girl who works in the same office as my wife and has been there for over two years. She has only in the past few weeks started addressing my wife by her first name and she rarely talks to anyone there. It is not due to lack of respect or rudeness. Shy is just painfully shy.


Without being in the room and interacting with this person there is no way any of us can know whether that was the situation described by the OP here or not. It is very possible that this person was being rude, but anyone who says that it absolutely was intentional rudeness 100% without question is making a judgmental assumption.

[countrygirl12]

Wow! That escalated quickly!


There are some people who are so cripplingly shy that it comes across as being rude, but it honestly and truly is shyness and anxiety. There is a young girl who works in the same office as my wife and has been there for over two years. She has only in the past few weeks started addressing my wife by her first name and she rarely talks to anyone there. It is not due to lack of respect or rudeness. Shy is just painfully shy.


Without being in the room and interacting with this person there is no way any of us can know whether that was the situation described by the OP here or not. It is very possible that this person was being rude, but anyone who says that it absolutely was intentional rudeness 100% without question is making a judgmental assumption.

I would not always call this behavior shy either. Honestly you are better off saying as little as possible on the job.  I have worked on jobs in the past where I would have been much better off to just go in and do my job and no speak to anyone unless absolutely necessary.

I can understand being shy.  But walking in to a house and no speaking to any one at all the entire time you are there - NO I cannot understand that. I was shy when I was younger but I was never a butt to people.  I didn't talk a lot but I would acknowledge people if they spoke to me.

[mrisha]

She sounds like an introvert and finds it hard to communicate with others that she is not related to.  There could be many reasons.  Try asking her if she feels uncomfortable around your family.

[ancmetro]

     I think she is shy and does no have any people skills.
     Maybe she is afraid of saying the wrong things.
     I agree: She should at least say-"Nice to meet you...
     Thank you for your invitation".