Divorce

[nmbrown863]

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through but it sounds like you are doing that thing. You have to do what makes you happy.

[sherryinutah]

Hi Brian8713 - Yeah, divorce is a word that tends to carry a stigma but it isn't like that with everyone.  It sounds like the person you were married to is very bitter and hurt.

If he's playing the "blame" game, you're definitely better off without him.  Each person needs to be accountable for certain problems in a relationship.

At this time in my life - I believe that people come together for a reason and season and it's pointless to try to drag things out after the life force energy is gone.

Be careful not to rebound or you might end up in a relationship with someone who has similar energy.   

[camellia0]

First, I want to say that I am sorry that your marriage did not work out. I have never been married, and I believe that getting married is like going for a job interview. One has to ask questions, do credit and background checks, because we don't really don't know our partner until we are married and living together, then it's like, dang! I got myself into this???
I work for a family law office and I was surprised to see clients come in to our office and not know that person that they married and have been dating for years. Again, marriage is no different than going for a job interview...we gotta ask lots of questions.

[btajpb3]

Sorry for your situation, unfortunately I can't offer advice, I married my childhood sweetheart, and am still happily married. Don't mean to "rub that in", it's just that I sometimes think that knowing each other so well has been a big part of our success, it's been so long that I can't imagine life without her. I honestly can't remember life before her.

[PGS28]

True, but people can be deceitful- especially when they want something.  The best thing to do is to take the lessons learned forward with you into the future.

First, I want to say that I am sorry that your marriage did not work out. I have never been married, and I believe that getting married is like going for a job interview. One has to ask questions, do credit and background checks, because we don't really don't know our partner until we are married and living together, then it's like, dang! I got myself into this???
I work for a family law office and I was surprised to see clients come in to our office and not know that person that they married and have been dating for years. Again, marriage is no different than going for a job interview...we gotta ask lots of questions.

[autumnsparklemom]

Prayers to you. You deserve to be happy.

[brian8713]

Sherry, bitter and hurt are two very good words to describe him. He keeps throwing all the “terrible” things I did to him in my face. Ummm … him running up 10s of thousands of debt that I’m now responsible for isn’t terrible? Nope. I’m on the side of the bad. He’s on the side of the good. LOL.

I wasn’t even 100% set on a divorce when I kicked him out, but he became verbally abuse to me, calling me a liar and accusing me of doing things that weren’t true. (He thought I was off my meds – not true.) I’m taking things very slow in dating. Not looking for anyone else.

He’s already found a new boyfriend and I would say “good for him” if I thought they were gonna last, but it’s another horribly mismatched couple. The guy is very introverted and he’s very outgoing and likes to party. They became “facebook official” a few weeks ago. I don’t even know if they’re still together, but I doubt it. Lol

[kimber62372]

So sorry that you had to deal with such an unintelligent hiney hole! lol... but at least you can laugh about it! It's okay to vent to us. And if you need someone to listen, we are here for you! Thank goodness you got out of that relationship because you know deep down what you are worth.

[brian8713]

Exactly! I know everything isn't about money, but if you have a partner who's ruining your finances, in my opinion, it's crazy to stay with them. It would be typical for him to spend $200 in one trip to Target. I bought pasta sauce this morning for $2 and I'm still feeling guilty about it -- totally serious! I don't expect my partner to be as cheap as me, but I do expect him to be respectful of the fact that I work very hard for my money, and don't want to see it thrown away on trivial items. It was too much too soon. We were engaged after knowing each other for 3 weeks and moved in together after 2 months. I guess I was at a particularly vulnerable place in my life -- my previous relationship of about 5 years had just broken up -- and I was ready to jump head-first into my next relationship, and try to overlook some of his obvious faults to make it work.

He went way too far invading my privacy, and the bad stuff I did say about him was likely in response to one of the times he brought me to tears or bought something unnecessary. I send out the divorce paperwork to get signed this Friday. Prayers from all of you that it goes off without a hitch would be much appreciated!!! 

[Katie_thehappywife]

divorce can get messy mine was. it does seem that a divorce can demonize a person. I have heard some cases some divorces were peaceable.  it sounds like your ex was a moocher . mine was the same way as well. a moocher always blames the other person for their problems.  my ex did me the same when I was busting my butt working and pregnant at the time. he was lazy watching tv all day nothing wrong with him. yet he made me out to be the bad woman too. I relate somewhat.  I am sorry for your situation  but you are doing the right thing.

[brian8713]

Thanks Katie!! Yep, it would be typical for him to be lying on the couch watching sitcoms or getting "turnt" with his friends while I was attempting to take care of our/his pets and our house. My ex did work, but I work too and he would insult me because I (barely) make less money than him, but it doesn't even matter because he's so terrible with money, he just spends whatever he makes. He has more friends than me and has chosen to make me the bad guy, but I know the truth and I let him live with me (basically rent free) for a year and a half. It didn't work out. I'm moving on. That doesn't make me a bad person. I'd be a moron if I stayed in a loveless relationship that was bankrupting me and crippling me emotionally.

[bremer51]

I think a divorce is the right course of action in your case. I hope that it goes smoothly.  If he gets mean and hurtful, you don't need to.  Take the high road and you won't have regrets.  Good luck to you.

[dancer139]

been there done it twice.  first time was nasty  second time was bitter but we got through it for our daughter.  Didn't want to be nasty and drag her through it all.  Prayers you will be ok when all said and done   Good Luck

[bshee58]

I've been divorced since 92, and I left him, I found out on my own that he was cheating on me, with someone in the neighborhood, he didn't try to stop me from getting the divorce, but he was trying to get me back, I didn't want him back, not after I found him at her house, so I've been friends with him for years now.

[cfsdaniels]

Guess what?  You and you alone are responsible for your own happiness. If you don't like it, get out ASAP.