hard knocks

[dansazz]

Been staying in a bad situation for the sake of my daughter for 4 years now. The time has come where it is too much, and enough is enough. I'm about to venture out into the world, with nothing at all, and try to rebuild myself and my life, into something that I can be happy about. After 6 years of only working off and on, and 4 years of freedom to be with my daughter all day every day, things are about to change.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't scared, but one can only take so much. So i'm leaving my wife, leaving where I'm living, and hardest of all leaving my daughter here without me every day. I wont get to see her all the time. On top of that I will be leaving to nothing. Got no money, no job, no place to live.

It is going to be rough, very rough. Hard on me, and hard on my daughter, but I just can't do this anymore. Been in an extremely unhappy relationship for years, and more and more stuff just keeps piling onto it, making it harder and more miserable. I can't stay just for my daughter anymore. I will hate seeing her a lot less and not being here for her all the time, but in the long run this is what is best, and i think it will all work out. i just got some hard times ahead of me. But if i bust my *bleep*, I can get this done. any thoughts?

[Penwoir]

Oh my! What a sad situation you are in. I appreciate that you have been in an unhappy relationship for a few years, for the sake of your child, and I commend you for that. I know how difficult it is to stay in an unhappy marriage when there are no kids involved, so I can only imagine how difficult it must be to leave your daughter behind. The marriage must be very "wrong" for you to contemplate separating the family. When I was in an unhappy marriage, I believed I could split from my husband as easy as the day we married, with a simple piece of paper, and that was true for us, because we didn't have kids. But I can't imagine splitting from my two sons now unless my life (or theirs) was in danger. Have you tried some counselling I wonder? It sounds like you might be experiencing a bout of depression which has some definite physical symptoms. Medications can alleviate some of this and make life more tolerable. My other thought goes to your daughter who is really on the receiving end of your decisions. Is there anyway you could fit her into your schedule of separation. She would certainly benefit from having a father in her life, even if you don't live with her anymore. Kids these days are very resilient and can cope with much more than you'd imagine. But I would suggest you get as much help as you can. I'll be thinking of you.

[snuggleycutejc]

stay in there, your daughter needs you.

[miltonarmitage]

Don't you have family or a good friend you can stay with until you find employment? Perhaps you can seek help at a church or Temple. It's too bad you couldn't have seen this coming and at least set aside a little money from online earnings to soften the financial blow a bit. I wish I had more helpful information for you, try reaching out to those I mentioned, that would be my first step. Good luck!

[dansazz]

Oh my! What a sad situation you are in. I appreciate that you have been in an unhappy relationship for a few years, for the sake of your child, and I commend you for that. I know how difficult it is to stay in an unhappy marriage when there are no kids involved, so I can only imagine how difficult it must be to leave your daughter behind. The marriage must be very "wrong" for you to contemplate separating the family. When I was in an unhappy marriage, I believed I could split from my husband as easy as the day we married, with a simple piece of paper, and that was true for us, because we didn't have kids. But I can't imagine splitting from my two sons now unless my life (or theirs) was in danger. Have you tried some counselling I wonder? It sounds like you might be experiencing a bout of depression which has some definite physical symptoms. Medications can alleviate some of this and make life more tolerable. My other thought goes to your daughter who is really on the receiving end of your decisions. Is there anyway you could fit her into your schedule of separation. She would certainly benefit from having a father in her life, even if you don't live with her anymore. Kids these days are very resilient and can cope with much more than you'd imagine. But I would suggest you get as much help as you can. I'll be thinking of you.

shes definitely still going to be in my life and I will be here for her as much as I can. Yes I am depressed as anyone would be in this situation. been trying for 6 years to make this work, it's just not going to work. Sure, I could stay and suffer and endure more and more, but that wouldn't be good for anyone. This way, I can get myself straight, and get my life together and be able to provide the best I can for her. It's going to be hard on her no doubt, but its just what it's come to.

[dansazz]

Don't you have family or a good friend you can stay with until you find employment? Perhaps you can seek help at a church or Temple. It's too bad you couldn't have seen this coming and at least set aside a little money from online earnings to soften the financial blow a bit. I wish I had more helpful information for you, try reaching out to those I mentioned, that would be my first step. Good luck!

I should have saved some money, and I thought I was going to do that, but life is hard, and money can never be saved. but it's no excuse. I could stay with my parents but would rather not. as far as church, I would feel like a hypocrite if I asked one for help. I could stick it out for a couple months and try to save, but I'd probably just get sucked back in and not leave at all. And with more being piled on soon, it's already going to be impossibly hard.

[dansazz]

stay in there, your daughter needs you.

I have been staying in there for her whole life. It just keeps getting worse and worse. Needs to stop. I will still be here for her as much as I possibly can, and she will be my motivation to get my stuff together.

[miltonarmitage]

I'd say stay with your parents for a while then! It will give you a chance to be together for a while, their loving smiles will brighten you up and with a clear head you'll be able to better figure out your next move. I know what you mean by it being hard to save money, once things get better you can address doing that. Stay motivated, take things one step at a time and you'll see this through! As for employment, perhaps you can try a temp agency, they helped me find work when I had no luck applying for jobs.

[dansazz]

I'd say stay with your parents for a while then! It will give you a chance to be together for a while, their loving smiles will brighten you up and with a clear head you'll be able to better figure out your next move. I know what you mean by it being hard to save money, once things get better you can address doing that. Stay motivated, take things one step at a time and you'll see this through! As for employment, perhaps you can try a temp agency, they helped me find work when I had no luck applying for jobs.

I have done some work through temp agencies in the past. I will probably go down that road at first. I might talk to my parents see if we can work something out. And every day be all over it, and figure things out.

[BlackSheepNY]

Been staying in a bad situation for the sake of my daughter for 4 years now. The time has come where it is too much, and enough is enough. I'm about to venture out into the world, with nothing at all, and try to rebuild myself and my life, into something that I can be happy about. After 6 years of only working off and on, and 4 years of freedom to be with my daughter all day every day, things are about to change.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't scared, but one can only take so much. So i'm leaving my wife, leaving where I'm living, and hardest of all leaving my daughter here without me every day. I wont get to see her all the time. On top of that I will be leaving to nothing. Got no money, no job, no place to live.

It is going to be rough, very rough. Hard on me, and hard on my daughter, but I just can't do this anymore. Been in an extremely unhappy relationship for years, and more and more stuff just keeps piling onto it, making it harder and more miserable. I can't stay just for my daughter anymore. I will hate seeing her a lot less and not being here for her all the time, but in the long run this is what is best, and i think it will all work out. i just got some hard times ahead of me. But if i bust my *bleep*, I can get this done. any thoughts?

I am so very, very sorry to hear about your dilemma.  It sounds like you really want out of this relationship, but please, think about this before you jump.  At the very least, find yourself a job so that you'll have money coming in and eventually will be able to get yourself a place to stay.  It doesn't sound like you have any family or friends that you may be able to stay with.  You can't live on the street.  If you have a job, you can save that money towards an apartment and at least you'll have a roof over your head.  In the meantime, you still have your daughter to brighten your day and you won't be completely alone.  Look at it this way - you've stayed in the relationship for all these years.  Just stay a bit longer so you'll be able to at least support yourself when the time comes.

Your situation actually brought tears to my eyes because I know how you feel.  The difference with me was that I had family to fall back on, thank God.  If it weren't for them, I would have been in the same situation as you.  I pray you can find a job quickly so things can move forward for you.  I know it hurts like hell about your daughter, but kids are very resilient.  Make sure you do your best to keep in touch with her, she's your flesh and blood and there's nothing more important.  I'll pray that God brings you the means to do what you have to do, and in the end, make a new life for yourself.

[Penwoir]

I just wanted to check in to see how everybody else responded to your situation. It seems that, generally speaking, we all feel the same way. Having said that, nobody really knows had much you have been suffering, and nobody can really compare their own situation to yours. Only you have lived it. If things are so very bad that at times you wonder if you can even carry on with life, I would make a list of all the things I needed (essentials, any cash is better than none), contact numbers etc and go check into a shelter. Shelters provide a bed and food at no cost to you and you can stay there for as long as you like, no questions asked. It will give you time to re-evaluate your life and perhaps get some help. There are hotlines to help people such as yourself and there are facilities (libraries etc) who can provide free internet. You shouldn't worry about churches frowning upon people asking for help. If they don't offer unconditional help and support, they are completely missing the point of their purpose. "Judge ye not, and ye will not be judged". Just saying...

[dansazz]

Been staying in a bad situation for the sake of my daughter for 4 years now. The time has come where it is too much, and enough is enough. I'm about to venture out into the world, with nothing at all, and try to rebuild myself and my life, into something that I can be happy about. After 6 years of only working off and on, and 4 years of freedom to be with my daughter all day every day, things are about to change.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't scared, but one can only take so much. So i'm leaving my wife, leaving where I'm living, and hardest of all leaving my daughter here without me every day. I wont get to see her all the time. On top of that I will be leaving to nothing. Got no money, no job, no place to live.

It is going to be rough, very rough. Hard on me, and hard on my daughter, but I just can't do this anymore. Been in an extremely unhappy relationship for years, and more and more stuff just keeps piling onto it, making it harder and more miserable. I can't stay just for my daughter anymore. I will hate seeing her a lot less and not being here for her all the time, but in the long run this is what is best, and i think it will all work out. i just got some hard times ahead of me. But if i bust my *bleep*, I can get this done. any thoughts?

I am so very, very sorry to hear about your dilemma.  It sounds like you really want out of this relationship, but please, think about this before you jump.  At the very least, find yourself a job so that you'll have money coming in and eventually will be able to get yourself a place to stay.  It doesn't sound like you have any family or friends that you may be able to stay with.  You can't live on the street.  If you have a job, you can save that money towards an apartment and at least you'll have a roof over your head.  In the meantime, you still have your daughter to brighten your day and you won't be completely alone.  Look at it this way - you've stayed in the relationship for all these years.  Just stay a bit longer so you'll be able to at least support yourself when the time comes.

Your situation actually brought tears to my eyes because I know how you feel.  The difference with me was that I had family to fall back on, thank God.  If it weren't for them, I would have been in the same situation as you.  I pray you can find a job quickly so things can move forward for you.  I know it hurts like hell about your daughter, but kids are very resilient.  Make sure you do your best to keep in touch with her, she's your flesh and blood and there's nothing more important.  I'll pray that God brings you the means to do what you have to do, and in the end, make a new life for yourself.

i hear what you are saying, but there are other things. This place is about to get overcrowded. and i can't find a job because I watch my daughter all day from 11am to 8pm, and can't go anywhere. it's a tough situation, and I have thought about staying and saving some money but It would be too hard to do.

[dansazz]

I just wanted to check in to see how everybody else responded to your situation. It seems that, generally speaking, we all feel the same way. Having said that, nobody really knows had much you have been suffering, and nobody can really compare their own situation to yours. Only you have lived it. If things are so very bad that at times you wonder if you can even carry on with life, I would make a list of all the things I needed (essentials, any cash is better than none), contact numbers etc and go check into a shelter. Shelters provide a bed and food at no cost to you and you can stay there for as long as you like, no questions asked. It will give you time to re-evaluate your life and perhaps get some help. There are hotlines to help people such as yourself and there are facilities (libraries etc) who can provide free internet. You shouldn't worry about churches frowning upon people asking for help. If they don't offer unconditional help and support, they are completely missing the point of their purpose. "Judge ye not, and ye will not be judged". Just saying...

yah its definitely a thought that has crossed my mind. not sure what I'm going to do exactly, but I'm leaving for sure.

[marciaenglish]

Do what you feel you have to do.  A child cannot be happy in a home with so much unhappiness!  It is really not fair to her.  Just make sure you are able to see her whenever you can and stay in her life!  Best of luck to you!

[jenniferhoder]

I feel your pain! It takes a very strong person to finally face their fear and say enough is enough and actually do something about it! Feel proud- things will get better!