Advice for a on-going problem with a child & his grandma...

[SherylsShado]

Recently I gave a mom some advice on this problem and then decided perhaps my advice was "too abrasive".  So I told her I would be posting the problem in a on-line forum to see what thoughts others would have in hopes of finding some advice that helps.

The situation is this:  Mom has baby (only child) and works, so the baby is cared for by grandma (hubby's mom).  Grandma also cares for her other grandchildren as well.  The baby is now almost 5 years old.  Mom sends him to grandma's with healthy meals & snacks because she realizes the importance of good nutrition for a growing child.

But....Grandma has told her NOT to send him to her house with food, that they have their own food.  If he comes with food, she'll either send it back home with him or let it sit out all day so it spoils.  She doesn't offer him healthy food, she is ALWAYS taking him out for FAST FOOD including McDonalds several times a week.  Fast food & sugar-filled treats is all she offers him.  (It's also what she raised her son on--the "hubby", and hubby has had medical issues with his intestines for the past several years due to his poor nutritional habits.)  Grandma has been talked to about this, it does NO good.

When the wife says anything to hubby about the son's nutrition, he just doesn't see a problem because he eats fast food all the time too (several times a week).  He's also buying fast food and has takes the son out for fast food without her knowledge.  (She found out about it later, after questioning the son as to why he wasn't hungry at dinnertime.)

So, this summer mom will be working FIVE days a week...which means grandma will have FIVE whole days a week to take him out for fast food & feed him sugar-filled "junk".  Five days a week of poor nutrition for this little boy.  Mom is sad and frustrated.  They NEED grandma to babysit him, grandma is close by and they know they can trust her with him.

Any ideas on how you would handle this if this was YOUR situation?? 
All responses will be forwarded to the mom.

All responses are appreciated and thank you so much in advance, for your advice & thoughts!!! 

[sherryinutah]

It is what it is.  If mom doesn't like the way Dad and Grandma feed the child she needs to break free of both of them.  Consider the fact that, if the child is going to be in the public school system, in the future he will probably be exposed to unhealthy food.  That's just part of living in the year 2016.

This issue isn't really about food.  It's about the mom needing to control the child.  There are pros and cons with everything.  Live and let live.

 

[SherylsShado]

Update:

I totally forgot to mention that for the past four years, the child has made frequent trips to his doctor, to urgent care & to the E.R., mainly for a on-going cough in which NOTHING seems to help.  The child coughs & coughs so hard, and frequently vomits.  He's been diagnosed as being anemic, was put on iron.  He still coughs.  At one of his last visits, he was also diagnosed with "acid reflux".

I was just messaged a few minutes ago, he has been taken to urgent care......coughing again. 

[debidoo]

Well may be able to "trust" her with him on some levels but one she doesn't have respect for the wishes of his mom and she has to me what is a kind of scary attitude about getting her own way about this (will send it back home or leave it out to spoil???) I think its time for these people to grow up and find some place else for their child to go.  If this lady were to pass away or could not keep him any longer they would so they need to just go ahead and do it now or give in to her which I would not do personally.

[potluck6]

maybe get a doctors note saying he can only have fast food one day a week.Fast food is also expensive and everyday wow. Now i love in and out burgers  and KFC but limit to one day a week. Ask her why she feels fast food is so good maybe she has an obsession with it love me some mc donalds fries i know .

[Nancy5]

I think we all love fast food and I see nothing wrong giving it to a child in moderation!  Not 5 days a week, not even 2 days a week, once a week (as a treat) is fine.  If grandma won't respect the mom's wishes and throws out 'the good food' she sends my answer would be Daycare or find another sitter.  Sure you will have to pay, I doubt they pay grandma, or if they do its miminal, but this way you can control the food intake better.

[BlackSheepNY]

Update:

I totally forgot to mention that for the past four years, the child has made frequent trips to his doctor, to urgent care & to the E.R., mainly for a on-going cough in which NOTHING seems to help.  The child coughs & coughs so hard, and frequently vomits.  He's been diagnosed as being anemic, was put on iron.  He still coughs.  At one of his last visits, he was also diagnosed with "acid reflux".

I was just messaged a few minutes ago, he has been taken to urgent care......coughing again. 

That's not good.  He's just a little kid and has "acid reflux?"  I can honestly say that may very well be the junk food he's eating.  Maybe if the kid's Mom tells the Grandmother that it's imperative he eat what she brings with him BECAUSE of these health issues (that no little kid should have, BTW), she'll see the light.  If not, Mom just might have to find someone else to care for her child.

[countrygirl12]

She is in the wrong.  I would find somebody else to keep the child.

[JediJohnnie]

If this child has an actual honest to goodness medical issue, and the Grandma is not giving him the prescribed diet, the parents really ought to consider letting someone else look after him.

But if I may be so bold, why can't the mother quit her job and take care of the child herself? It's a question of priorities.

[hitch0403]

maybe get a doctors note saying he can only have fast food one day a week.Fast food is also expensive and everyday wow. Now i love in and out burgers  and KFC but limit to one day a week. Ask her why she feels fast food is so good maybe she has an obsession with it love me some mc donalds fries i know .

Pot...i think your advice is good.If a Dr feels a change of diet can help let grandma see it in a note from him.Alos when she takes the child out to the fast food places maybe there is something better on the menu at times?Maybe a compromise could be in order too.Instead of taking him 5 days a week cut it to 2.In the long run if the diet is the culprit hurting the child then other arrangments have to be made.

My dad was a diabetic and didnt take care of himself.He died at 71 and much because of eating wrong stuff.Its not easy.We love food.But you have to ALL work together for the best of all and still remain a family!!

[snuggleycutejc]

If the mom is working too. there are good day care that teaches school stuff. Now days the child could of been at a center learning doing ... instead of being with the grandma.

[braggin]

I think if you don't approve of some of the things the daycare place you put your child in and they refuse to change their ways, even if for just your child and nobody else's, you should change your daycare arrangements. The grandmother is probably the cheapest available option to this family but they should maybe try to find a way to get some more bucks and put the child in some other situation.

[tgreen20]

If someone doesn't respect what you say about the well being of your child, then why would you continue allowing that person watch your kid. The person that allows this is just as guilty as the gma if something happens to the child.

Even in the court of law if someone knows another person is going to do a crime goes along with the person they are just as guilty as doing the crime too.

 

[sak4kat]

I nearly passed up your post. Glad I stopped to read.  I've lived a similar situation.  I have 3 kids.  17,16 and 9.  My 2 older kids I was blessed in being a stay home Mom.  I called the shots with 99% of everything they did.  Because of the way my mother is I choose not to let her watch my kids.  When they were 4 & 5.  She started watching them at night.  In my home while I worked. Until my husband came home.  When I divorced there father while pregnant with our 3rd I naturally went back to Mom.  My youngest spent more time with her in her first year than my older two ever have to this day.  And whoa what a mistake it was.  Sugar, Sugar, Sugar.  For breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks.  (with homemade meatloaf in between) I've recently nixed the visits my now 9 year old daughter has at my Mom's unless I'm present. (For other reasons) And they are 2-3 hour visits.  My advice. (albeit costly and Grandma isn't going to like it) Try finding someone else to watch the child one day a week.  Mom is going to have Sat & Sundays off now.  I'm sure there is another Mom in the community that would watch her child one day a week M-F in exchange for her watching her's one weekend day or night. Would be good for the grandchild to have a buddy outside of Grandmas as well.

[nannycoe1]

If this child has an actual honest to goodness medical issue, and the Grandma is not giving him the prescribed diet, the parents really ought to consider letting someone else look after him.

But if I may be so bold, why can't the mother quit her job and take care of the child herself? It's a question of priorities.

I agree if the mother is that worried take the child to a daycare or someone who has the training to take care of a child with special needs.