Relationship Advice

[froggylover227]

I need some advice. My boyfriend of almost a year sometimes says things that bother me and upset me. He always says they are just jokes, but sometimes they still hurt me. He says I don't know how to take a joke. I feel like he does it to make himself seem macho in front of our friends, cause when we are alone he doesn't act like that. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, as he tells me he loves me and we have plans to move in together soon. I love his sense of humor and I can take a good joke, but sometimes what he says is just plain harsh. Anytime we get into an argument about it, I wind up worrying that maybe it is me and worry that I'm pushing him away. I love him and don't want to lose him over something this trivial. Any advice?

[paints]

If it bothers you, it's not trivial. 
You are worth listening to, and if something your boyfriend says, even as a joke, bothers you or hurts you, that's important.
Him saying that you don't know how to take a joke puts his bad behavior on you, as if you're the problem.

Try getting up and leaving the room when he starts joking in a way that hurts you. 

[vickysue]

Oh yeah I was married to one them. Over time his jokes really got to hurting me, and even got worse. He started doing and saying things in public to embarese me.  finally he was just getting down right rude to me. things went from bad to worse over the years and I finally said enough and left. Of course it was all my fault but hey I felt so much better after a while. I think you should talk to him before you let it get out of hand.

[slacomb]

Talk to him and if he doesn't stop then maybe y'all need some time apart.

[aflyingmonkey]

You shouldn't be with someone who doesn't respect how you feel; why would someone who loves you want to hurt you in any way... that I don't get.    Remember this is supposed to be a potential life partner, someone who supports you & lifts you up in life, not make you feel bad. 

Hope he becomes more sensitive to how your feeling, & takes it as a learning experience for growth.

[champak97]

If his comments hurt you, then it is not trivial, you should talk to him about this and let him know about your feelings.

[tantricia44]

how can he love you if he uses you as a joke in front of his friends?! The person who loves me brags, & treats me as a queen in front of his friends! This shows your bf has some kind of problem with you in front of his friends! Please ask him what the problem is & if he can't i don't think it's worth having a life that kind of person!You need to respect yourself first & stepping up for yourself is the first step!

[sak4kat]

That my dear is what I call a red flag. You are not meant to be the blunt of someones jokes.  Make you feel small in honor of someone else feeling macho?  I think not.  Most of your friends who witness his verbal abuse probably feel uncomfortable.... One year is long enough to be someones "joke" move on to being single until you meet the right one that would respect you.  Someone that if they heard others poking fun at you....he would speak up and defend you.

[Nancy5]

Sorry to have to say this, but that is verbal abuse.  Physical or verbal, abuse is abuse and no one should have to take that.  I would seriously have a talk with him, tell him how you feel and you want it to stop immediately.  If it doesn't I would end the relationship unless you want to spend the rest of your life being the butt of his mean jokes. 

[coniroberts25]

get some thicker skin

[quietpal]

If this isn't addressed now, it will only get worse later. You need to decide what you will or won't tolerate in this relationship. Since this sounds like an issue for you, it should be addressed now before you move in together. If he really loves you, he'll respect you enough to stop. But he won't, unless you say something. Hope this helps.