Custody battles

[batmobile]

Anybody have advice? Who has gone through custody issues with abusive ex? What are a child's rights if they don't want to see other parent?

[sak4kat]

Such a yucky circumstance for a kid to be stuck in.  I'm a divorced parent of 3 children.  My kids have always wanted to see there father up until this last year.  If there is evidence of abuse a judge will most likely order supervised visits.  In most cases the parents are able to come up with a safe person to supervise.  Ie: another family member.  Or a judge may order temporary visits that are only for a few hours.  There are so many things they factor... age of child.  Degree of abuse.  Kid's need both parents... no matter what.  Yes I've often said, "My kids are better off without him." And in ways there is truth to that.  There is also harm done in them not having him involved too though.

[Tresbn00]

I would think that the child would not have the right to deny the other parent visitation rights, unless there was abuse involved, at which time the parent in control of custody could petition to deny those rights or require supervised visitation. I have seen more marriages dissolve than I have seen succeed. One of the biggest mistakes people make is creating havoc in front of their children.  Kids take this personally.  They have to believe that they were conceived from Superman and Wonder-Woman...anything less than that can be damaging to their self esteem and caus long term problems for them-mentally. This seems to be especially potent for children between the ages of four and twelve.  Staying together for the sake of the children can be just as damaging as children get the wrong impression of what a relationship should be al about.

[lvstephanie]

I'm really feeling bad about my friend's daughter who is 5... Her father is a real piece of work. He's a registered sex-offender for child molestation (and no, it isn't just a case of statutory rape of a mature-looking 16 year old girl by an 18 year old guy, but rather was found guilty of molesting his cousins, the youngest being 4 at the time), but because it occurred when he was a minor himself (at 17) the records have been sealed. He also is a control-freak. He will interrogate (and I do mean "interrogate" as in badgering her with the same exact questions repeatedly, esp. if the answer she gave him isn't to his liking) his daughter about where she is, who is with her or her mother, etc. Every holiday this year has been spoiled by him, either by calling the police on her mother (the police have finally said that they will not become involved in these non-criminal disputes) or refusing to give her to her mother on her time (told her mom that she could have her on her court-ordered holiday of the 4th of July if mom would drive out-of-state for 6hrs. to pick up the girl), but has called the police when her mother was not even 1 minute late for being at home when he went to pick up the girl (she was at the convenience store at the end of the block). He keeps claiming that he gets to talk with her on the phone whenever he wants and threatens to bring mom to court for not allowing her to talk with him on mom's visitation days and holidays (even though it is his daughter that is no longer wanting to talk with him), but yet flat out refuses to allow her mother to talk with her on his time (falsely claiming that it was court-ordered for him to get phone calls, but is his prerogative as to whether she can talk with her mother). He has also made unsubstantiated claims about the rest of her family... Two of her half-brothers (from a different father) have been questioned by police for supposed sexual abuse at various times (her two brothers have now opted to live with their own father since that way that can't be falsely accused anymore), her half-sister for physical abuse, and her uncle, grandfather, and grandfather's best friend (all on the mom's side of the family) for raping her mother. His claims are all geared to influence the courts into believing that she hates living with her mom and would be safer living with him (even though the opposite is more likely true). You can tell that this is affecting her mentally... She displays nervous habits like chewing her hair or sleeve, if she is doing something she thinks her father wouldn't like, like playing with her half-sister (different mother, but because they never married, he has no control over that daughter except through her interaction with his other daughter), esp. if she hears a vehicle like her father's in the vicinity. She has started to lie to her mother and / or use avoidance techniques in order not to respond to her mother (which is really scarey considering his past). And the worst thing about this is that because he has joint legal custody of her, he recently refused to allow her to have counseling even though mom was the one paying for it and having the sessions at her house. So now he can continue to mentally abuse her and she has no outside person to confide with (again, very scarey considering that he has been found guilty of molesting girls about her age). In this situation, the mom has been maintaining as many records as she can to support her case that he is mentally abusing the girl and possibly setting her up to be able to sexually abuse her without fear that she will report on him, and hopes to bring him back to court this year to ask for supervised visitations. It's just so sad to see her going though this.

[countrygirl12]

So if the alleged molesting took place when he was 17 and the records are sealed how is he a convicted sex offender?  I am curious as to how old he is now.  Not defending him but people can change.  If he done something when he was 17 that does not mean he would do it now.  And just because he done something to his cousin does not mean he would do it to his daughter.

This is kind of a messed up situation in every aspect.  You got so many parents and kids involved in this it is unreal.  I know that there are two sides to every story.  And the courts usually hear both sides.  We (this forum) only have one side.  Some will agree and show sympathy to you and others will not agree.  I find it hard to believe the court would give him joint custody if he was such a bad guy.

And you are saying he is trying to turn the kid against the mother but it sounds like she is trying to turn him against the father.  That is the problem when people have kids and then don't stay together.  The kid's life is screwed up because of bad decisions the parents made.