I Thought My Husband Was A Born Again Believer But

[loulizlee]

Maybe you can LIVE your Christian life to show him what a joy it is to be a Christian instead of talking about it all the time.  Some people feel as if they are being beaten about the head if you talk about any subject all the time.  Have you gotten couple's counseling? 

[BK_Adores_Chase]

Well I'm not saying I want to MAKE him believe, I guess it's just hard for me not to talk about God because I love Him more than anything or anyone in the world.

I've already spent the last couple of days making sure I only ask my husband about himself and his day and not talk about myself at all.  If I want to talk about something I just talk to God about it - and by God's grace and mercy I'm not upset or mad or sad about this.

I feel like I don't want to continue talking about God if I know it annoys him - if my husband is in a round about way expressing it will bring him joy if I stop talking about God, I'm going to jump on that opportunity - I want my husband to be happy.

I'm not saying I am going to divorce him, I'm just a little shocked - I know some of you said it doesn't matter if we have different beliefs, but I think it matters A LOT - I wanted to marry a believer.  2 Corinthians 6:14 says, "Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?"

Unbelievers and believers act SO different.  I am doing my best, by the grace of God, to be a child of His and become the Christian wife I'm called to be while on the other hand my unbelieving husband is just going on the way he does.  I don't want to say I'm getting the short end of the stick because I know God brings all things together for the greater good.

And yes, maybe he just isn't as zealous for the Lord as I am - I am only as zealous as I am because God has made me this way, and I praise and thank Him for it because I love being zealous for the Lord.  What a good God we have.

I also think this is something that has brought me closer to the Lord - I cling to Him more now that I feel like He's the only close friend that I have and I also realize the urgency of myself acting like the best Christian that I can 24/7 - I was best behaved in public and a tiny bit slack at home, mostly when it came to gossip - but now I'm realizing that I need to be the best that God will help me be 24/7 so if my husband isn't saved God can hopefully draw him to Himself through me.

It's not even that I preach to him about God - all I ever want to do is talk about God - what I think He's doing in the world, talk about the Word of God, talk about what God has done or is doing in my life, etc, etc.

I think my BIGGEST concern is that he lets his Bible collect dust - how is he supposed to grow from a once-a-week church service?

(I'm kind of going down the line of comments and responding as I read - thank you all, these have all been very helpful) I feel the same way, a true believer wants to hear and talk about the Lord and study His Word.  I know my husband has questioned his salvation in the past and someone at church comforted him and said not to worry - I appreciate them trying to comfort him, but I think it was a false comfort that wasn't rightfully my husbands because I think it was rightfully so that he questioned his salvation - I question his salvation daily.

I know that with the Holy Spirit comes spiritual gifts, and I just recently learned that every believer gets a package deal (so to speak) and no two believers get the same blend of different level gifts (does that make sense?)  I think one thing God gave me is discernment and I am always always always able to spot a true Christian, I'm really good at it - someone will tell me they are a Christian and I can tell by the way they treat me if they are a born again Christian.  I'm very rarely wrong, I always find out they're a Catholic or whatever.  That's why I think I'm right about my husband.

I don't think couple's counseling is necessary - this is a heart problem that only the Lord Himself can fix - just as we had no part in our physical birth, we have no part in our spiritual birth - it is up to the Lord, if my husbands name is written in the Lamb's book of Life, then he will be saved in God's perfect timing.

[Nancy5]

I do have to agree with your last comment.  I know as a true believer your hope was to fall in love and marry someone with the same beliefs.  Don't give up on him, he may just be questioning his beliefs now.  Perhaps with time, guidance, and very gentle pushing, he might (hopefully), find himself and become the God loving man you want him to be.  If that doesn't happen, love him for who he is and what he believes and know God is watching over, loving, and protecting him.  I honestly wish you the best of luck.  Please keep us posted.

[stretch1967]

You can't force anyone to believe. It will come in time. Don't lose your beliefs. This should not effect your marriage unless you guys let it. Focus on what has been keeping you going.

[countrygirl12]

I had a guy pretend to get saved to get me to keep dating him.  He admitted it to me.  I don't agree with "religion is a personal private thing".   

There are a lot of people who are Christians who do not read their Bible every day.

[BK_Adores_Chase]

Yeah, I am not letting it affect my marriage - if anything I'm being a better wife because of this.

The most comforting thing about all of this is I don't have to wonder or question whether or not I made a mistake marrying him because God is sovereign in all things and God will use this marriage to honor and glorify Himself, which is ultimately what matters.  I find rest in that fact.

I'm not going to push God on him - hey, at least he goes to church with me every Sunday.  I'm just going to continue to show him the love of Christ and yes, prayer, prayer, and more prayer.

And like I said - true believers long for the Word of God.  It's like this:  If you went away and your wife/husband sent you 66 love letters and you didn't open or read any of them, that would say a lot about how you really feel about her/him.  The Bible is made up of 66 "love letters" and God expects us to read and study them - how else are we supposed to truly get to know Him?!!  It's impossible, really, it is.

[loulizlee]

BK, I have been on FC for a number of years and have followed your posts for some time nowI.  It seems to me that, from the beginning, you have had doubts about your fiancee/husband (meaning since before you were married, also).  I remember reading several of your posts when you seemed to indicate that he belittled you frequently.  (Is this the same man?)  Please believe me when I say I'm not trying to put you down; I'm just wondering if this is the best you can do for yourself.  And I do believe marriage counseling can be helpful.  It helped my husband and me.  And do keep praying.  God bless you.

[clickers]

Let God be the judge. Only He knows ours hearts.

[hawkeye3210]

People practice their faith differently.

[batmobile]

I know how you feel... And if you are unequally yoked it won't work... Unfortunately he is immature, most men are... If you are stronger and wiser in your faith that will be a problem... God hates divorce but doesn't want you unhappy either... Is he really worth it? Is he abusive? Are there children involved?

[JediJohnnie]

now I'm not so sure.  I'm wondering if it was all a charade - I know he wanted to marry me really badly and he was always afraid of losing me.  Not that he did it intentionally, I think he may have even fooled himself.  It's a long story, a LOT of background details, but now he doesn't even open his bible and he says he gets irritated because all I ever want to talk about is God.  He also loves the things of this world and thinks I'm being dramatic when I change certain things because I have been convicted / decided that those things are sin in God's eyes. For example, there's this show I used to watch, Tosh.0, and in the show the guy makes light of homosexuality, abortions, Jesus, etc. (it's a comedy show) and I don't think God would appreciate me watching and laughing at those shows.

I just feel like I should stop talking about God to him so he doesn't get upset, even though he told me to keep talking about God because he probably needs to hear it.  But I don't know if that's a good idea (to stop talking about it) because I don't want it to negatively affect our marriage.  BUT maybe if I had another person I could call and talk to about the Lord, that would help.

Anyway, is there anyone out there married to an unbeliever that has any tips for me?  Am I wrongly evaluating the situation and maybe he IS saved but just not strong in his faith?

Yeah,that's a pet peeve of mine.I don't like shows that mock or demean Christ  in any way.It's like having someone you love being ridiculed,so I don't blame you for being uncomfortable with some of the garbage out there on television.

As far as your question,I'm not married so I guess I'm not the best qualified,but I do have family that are (for lack of a better term) "lackadaisical" in their faith.I try to study the bible and pray with them,but they show little interest.All you can do is pray and hope God makes them a little more receptive in the future.

[BK_Adores_Chase]

EVERY SINGLE THING God commands us to do is for our good and His glory.  We might not always be able to see it but God sees the big picture.  We don't have to choose either A) Be unhappily obedient to God or B) Be happily disobedient - obedience and happiness go hand in hand (as does disobedience and unhappiness).

I would never ever sin against God by divorcing.  Divorcing is doing something for me (being selfish) and putting God after myself (not obeying His commandments).

No way, no how.  I'm not unhappy I just thought he was saved, that's all.  It's in the Lord's hands now.  The main point of this post was me trying to figure out where to turn when I feel like I want to talk about the Lord that I love, and I have already found the answer =) I'm going to the Lord Himself and praising Him personally.

No, loulizlee - it's actually a really amazing story, I'll sum it up by saying God saved me from my last relationship in an amazing way.

[countrygirl12]

Do you know that he isn't saved?  Just because someone does not want to talk about God with every breath, watch Christian television and preachers all day and night, and only listen to Gospel music does not mean they are not saved.  If you want to do that then that is fine.  But you can't condemn others for not doing the same thing.  I have an aunt that watches the tv preachers constantly.  And all she wants to do is tell every one else what their sins are when by doing that she is sinning herself.  The Bible says to get the beam out of your own eye before you worry about the spec in someone else's.  I don't know how to say it without it sounding like I am being smart or hateful and I am not trying to be.  I am a Christian but I do not try to shove God on everyone all the time.  What you say verbally is nothing.  IT is what you DO that counts.  How you act.  I know a person who screams about God to people all the time and how they need to be saved but their actions are far from anything that says they are a Christian.  So people don't want to hear it.  Again, I am a Christian, but a few weeks ago this guy came in to where I worked and went off in a rant about God and now I should have just walked off but I didn't lol.  He was yelling at me and the manager about how the muslims, catholics, and mormons are all going to hell.  Then he'd say your a muslim aren't you?  You're a mormon aren't you?  I just wanted to say "You're an idiot!  All I could think was "keep it to yourself".  smh.  Does not mean I am not saved.

[loulizlee]

BK, I'm glad to hear that you were rescued from an unhappy past relationship.  And, countrygirl, I agree with you.  I am a Christian, but I don't listen to TV preachers.  I have found that most of them are either in it for the money or are narcissists.  My youngest sister listens to a TV evangelist who was caught "in flagrante" several years.  Since that time, I've learned he was guilty of much more than sexual misconduct.  He has gone back to his old habits of trying to get people to send money.  He is a charismatic speaker but he turns my stomach.  I do like gospel music, as well as classical, jazz, some country, and other kinds of music, mainly easy listening.  I am turned off by people who constantly try to show how "religious" they are but would stab you in the back.

[hitch0403]

Re marriage....

Do not be discouraged if your marriage is not what you envisioned it would be during courtship. Says one team of experts: “Unending bliss is just not what marriage is like for most people. It’s wonderful at times and very hard at other times.”
Yes, marriage may not be a storybook romance, but neither does it have to be a tragedy. While there will be times when you and your spouse will just have to put up with each other, there will also be occasions when you can put your differences aside and just enjoy being together, having fun, and talking to each other as friends. (Ephesians 4:2; Colossians 3:13) These are the times when you may be able to rekindle the love that has faded.
Remember, two imperfect humans cannot have a perfect marriage. But they can find a measure of happiness. Indeed, even with difficulties, the relationship between you and your spouse can be a wellspring of immense satisfaction. One thing is certain: If both you and your mate put forth effort and are willing to be flexible and seek the advantage of the other person, there is good reason to believe that your marriage can be saved.—1 Corinthians 10:24.