question for the ladies

[aggie49]

do you think it is safer for teens to use birth control in any forms my teen is 16 and wants to get on the pill she says she is not having sex yet and the doctor says she is still a virgin  but the main reason she wants to be on the pill is that the girls she goes to school with are teasing her for being a virgin so she thinks if they know shes on the pill they will stop bothering her i told her she should be proud to say she is a virgin i have spoke to the principal at her school and she agree's that they girls should stop mocking her so i am looking at all the options and advice would be gratefully appreciated

[CharmedPhoenix]

No, she shouldn't mess up her hormones unnessesarily.  Please teach her to be strong and embrace it.  Those other girls are just being bullies.  I doubt all those other girls are expirienced and the ones that are might not be happy about it.  Misery loves company.  Her school needs a stronger anti-bullying policy if this is being allowed to happen.  The pill won't stop the bullies.  Once they find a vulnerable mark they just keep finding things to bully them about.  Support her individuality, empower her strength.  She should be proud of being a virgin.  She has the right to control her body.  Just because her friends were weak, or say they were, doesn't mean that she should be weak. 

[aggie49]

i agree with you and have been telling her not to listen to her friends

[hitch0403]

If she remains a virgin until she is married she will make her husband very happy.

I have been married 35 yrs and my wife was and still is a virgin to me.And i enjoy bragging about that when i get the chance.

Plus in Gods eyes he commands the marriage bed not to be defiled!!

I know the flesh is weak and there is peer pressure.But in the end if you can abstain from sex until you are rightfully married you will be happier!!

[loulizlee]

If they were really friends, they wouldn't be bullying her.  I also don't think she should go on the pill at this time in her life unless it was for some medical reason.  If she does go on the pill, these same girls will find something else to bully and nag her; for instance, they will want to know all the details (who with, etc.).  I know it seems difficult right now, but she will be an adult all to soon.

[marciaenglish]

I agree with loulizlee; bullies are going to bully!  If it is not one thing, they will find another even if they have to make something up!  Real friends won't pay them any attention which is exactly how much attention they deserve!  You go girl!  Be proud of your virginity!

[jenniferhoder]

I agree with the above comments! Don't let her be a follower!! This is a great opportunity to teach her about being the LEADER.
I hate that kids feel they need to bully kids around, AND sadly, that these kids feel they need to follow along just to fit in.
Stay strong and DON'T put her on the pill!

[cateyes1]

Please don't even think of putting your daughter on the pill for that reason. I'm willing to bet half the girls who are teasing her are still virgins!!

[Timberlan127]

It is so hard to be a teen!! There are so many pressures of all kinds!! But as hard as it is I wouldn't let her take the pill just to stop peer harassment. I would advise her to tell them that she is her own person and hasn't found the right person to make her want to have sex.

[Nancy5]

I would not get her the pill simply because her "friends" are teasing her about it.  How does your daughter know they are really on the pill themselves?  Remember talk is cheap.  Someone told me once, don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.  People lie so much.  I bet most of her "friends" are still virgins.

[bhiett]

Another reason to consider about being on the pill is that taking it might make her more susceptible to giving in if/when pressured by a guy to have sex.  The pill might protect against pregnancy but not VD.  I applaud young ladies who establish pure standards for themselves and stick to them; peer pressure is hard to stand up against but not caving in will help her become her own individual and a person of character.  Later in life she will be able to look back with justifiable pride in her decisions.

[crisstar]

If they were really friends, they wouldn't be bullying her.  I also don't think she should go on the pill at this time in her life unless it was for some medical reason.  If she does go on the pill, these same girls will find something else to bully and nag her...

I agree completely. If she can't stand the peer pressure of her friends, how is she going to stand the pressure from a boy (or boyfriend) to have sex? She'll give in like she's trying to do right now.

Second, she needs to change her group of friends. If her friends are behaving this way (being promiscuous), so will she eventually. It takes a strong person to not give in to the negative surroundings they put themselves in.

Also, the likelihood of her having sex goes up tremendously if she's on the pill. So you may be opening up a door that you don't won't open just yet.

Something to think about.

[honeyflower93]

Sadly there's not much you can tell a teen about her friends or her boyfriend. They will not hear you usually. So, if she wants to remain friends, she's just going to have to stand up to them. "What's your problem? Are you jealous because you wish you waited?" Maybe laugh it off to take the sting off. I bet they wont tease her anymore though XD

I can only hope she doesn't end up having sex before she's ready. If she does it to fit in she's not ready. If she does it "for" a guy she's not ready. It should happen when she feels like it's time without influence. Her sexuality is her own not anyone elses and that's ok! So many people teach girls not to stand up for themselves and that's what makes it so easy for not only bullies but manipulative guys to prey on them. I hope I'm not coming off too harsh. I really am trying to help.

Sidenote, I'm very curious how a doctor can tell if she's a virgin shy of a polygraph lol. Hymens can stretch doing all sorts of non-sexual things   

[bremer51]

Your daughter is a unique and special individual. Encourage her to live by her own rules, by the guidelines you've instilled in her.  Her decisions should be based on what is right for her, not the mindless ranting of a pack of bullies.  You must be a good mother if your daughter felt free to discuss this with you.

[bretay]

teens have a hard time as it is.with their hormones and such..and they will just find something else to tease her about..please tell her to ignore them.and not let them know that it upsets her.they will eventually find someone else once they know that she's not bothered by it.