Spouse with no friends

[sgluckadoo]

Just wondering if anyone deals with this issue. I have a spouse who has no friends of his own and when he does make friends he finds fault with them easily. he ends up tagging along with me and my friends which ultimately hurts my friendships.

[sherryinutah]

How does he feel about spending time alone?  I enjoy being alone.  Talk to him about the fact that sometimes you want time with you friends where the two of you....

take a break from each other.  This misconception is in thinking that married people must do everything together.   

[Penwoir]

I think it is healthy to spend time apart doing your own things, and also healthy to spend some time together. It must be frustrating for you when your spouse doesn't ever leave you alone - especially if you are a social flower. Perhaps he doesn't want friends - not everybody wants friends. Does he have any hobbies that he could develop?

[moon29]

I have always had a lot of issues making friends.  I think it has a lot to do with the fact that i dont like when others are constant needing reassurance from their friends that everything is going to be ok in their life.  My husband is the same way so i guess it turned out ok for us.  Im sure it would bug another person if they were really sociable however.  are there times that i wish i had a good gal pal to go hang out with and have coffee or just complain to of course but all the other crap you have to deal with to have those times does the bad outweigh the good?

[singletonb]

Maybe he doesn't realize his fault.  I would ask him why does he find fault with everyone he hang out with and ask him what type of person he would like to hang out with. (not in accusing way but just out of curiosity)

[reiddb]

I don't know....when he hangs out with you, does he start criticizing your friends?

[Screwedupclick4life337]

See if there's sports or hobbies your spouse love that could change the way they view friendship

[sgluckadoo]

I think it is healthy to spend time apart doing your own things, and also healthy to spend some time together. It must be frustrating for you when your spouse doesn't ever leave you alone - especially if you are a social flower. Perhaps he doesn't want friends - not everybody wants friends. Does he have any hobbies that he could develop?

Well said. Yes he has hobbies- primarily fishing, but he doesn't like going alone, so I end up having to go even though I would rather do many other things. It is hard to fish with a boat, put in in the water and get the boat out, etc. by yourself.

[sgluckadoo]

Maybe he doesn't realize his fault.  I would ask him why does he find fault with everyone he hang out with and ask him what type of person he would like to hang out with. (not in accusing way but just out of curiosity)

He definitely does not realize this about himself and instead blames others. He gets VERY defensive if I ask questions. I know he has had a hard time in life but I still don't fully understand the situation.

[sgluckadoo]

How does he feel about spending time alone?  I enjoy being alone.  Talk to him about the fact that sometimes you want time with you friends where the two of you....

take a break from each other.  This misconception is in thinking that married people must do everything together.   

I like being alone and being social, just depending. He seems lost in both situations unless I am there. I feel like he is lacking the proper social skills or something, to make and keep friends. It bothers me because it impacts my friendships as well. I feel guilty if I am invited to do something by a girlfriend bc he mopes around "with nothing to do", so I often invite him along and it changes the dynamic.

[ricdsm]

He sounds lonely.

[msmoneybags48]

When I am alone, it is the best time in the world.  I don't have to be bothered with a whole lot of people.  My hubby is friends with everybody.  Only one gets on my nerves.  He knows everything, let my hubby tell it.  Your hubby is bored.  He thinks people should act in a particular way.  I think he hangs with you because of insecurity.  He thinks your friends will get you into trouble.  I know it is bothersome, but talk to him about getting involved in a hobby.  My best friend passed away 8 years ago, but I have other friends I see on occasion.

[kapeh12]

Since you brought up fishing, maybe that might be a good place to start to encourage your husband to find "fishing buddies" to go with him instead of yourself.  Gently let him know that you go fishing with him to make him happy, but you really don't enjoy fishing yourself and it (fishing, not him) doesn't make you happy.  Generally, men want their wives to be happy, so if he knows you are unhappy because you don't like fishing, and you encourage him to go fishing with someone else, that might work...

Let him know whomever he fishes with doesn't have to be a best friend or anything, just another person who enjoys fishing, who can better appreciate his passion/hobby.

If neither of you know of anyone else who might want to go fishing, another option might be to see if he's interested in getting involved with a program like Big Brothers/Big Sisters.  Maybe he can be a mentor to a young man and take him fishing - being a mentor/teacher to a new generation.  That scenario may be less pressure to be "friends", but then he's not only fishing, but being productive by being a teacher/mentor - plus it gives him companionship while fishing.  Maybe that's an option?

[Tresbn00]

I am the spouse with no time for friends. My friends understand that I have to work and are forever inviting me on different vacations and my wife pushes me to go but I am locked into working. I work two jobs to support my family.  I got hit hard when the mortgage/Real Estate industry went bad. I took some very horrible jobs and stuck with them until I could find better. I am almost back to being whole, financially, again and never ever want to risk going backwards. I don't tag along with m y wife's friends although I am positive that they adore me.  I just never want my family to need anything and I never want to feel I have to take a job no matter how awful it may be.  I would rather work my current case load of sixteen to eighteen hours a day then have to go through what I went through and, unfortunately, my friends have to take a back seat.

[froggylover227]

Well, honestly, neither me nor my husband have many friends besides our family members. But we prefer it that way. We enjoy each other's company, and the company of our families as well. So it never really is an issue for us.