need advice for my teenage step daughter

[aggie49]

she wants a cell phone but we told her not until she brings her grades up she had one when she was with her real mom but we have set rules with her as long as she is living with her dad and myself do you think we are wrong or should we let her have a cell phone we know it would be useful for getting in touch with us in case of something happening but we also know she loves to talk to her friends any advice would be helpful

[msmoneybags48]

I don't see your request as being unreasonable.  I could see it if she had a job of her own, but with her being under your roof and you may be the ones paying the bill, you are asking her to bring up her grades.  Also I suggest that you check with the school she is attending.  I recall buying my daughter a cellphone and I had to go to the school and pick it up.

[6265AT99]

Well it's not unusual for a teenager to want a cell phone but as a parent/grandparent I do think things like this need to be EARNED.  I remember when my grandson wanted a cell phone, I said ok and got him one of those prepaid cell phones and said there will be two rules - first one - if your grades fall- no more phone; number two - show me how responsible you can be and make sure you use the minutes wisely.  Well, he followed the rules and ultimately got a "real" cell phone (I put him on my plan). 

[Nancy5]

I would get her a pre paid phone for emergencies only.  Every night I would check the minutes used and if there were minutes used and it wasn't to her dad or me, she is grounded.  She probably will be embarrassed because it just a cell phone and not an iPhone.  She will have to earn an iPhone.

[countrygirl12]

I don't see your request as being unreasonable.  I could see it if she had a job of her own, but with her being under your roof and you may be the ones paying the bill, you are asking her to bring up her grades.  Also I suggest that you check with the school she is attending.  I recall buying my daughter a cellphone and I had to go to the school and pick it up.

It is none of the school's business.  Just tell her not to take it to school.  My nephew has a cell phone and he leaves it at home when he goes to school.

[countrygirl12]

she wants a cell phone but we told her not until she brings her grades up she had one when she was with her real mom but we have set rules with her as long as she is living with her dad and myself do you think we are wrong or should we let her have a cell phone we know it would be useful for getting in touch with us in case of something happening but we also know she loves to talk to her friends any advice would be helpful

Hmmm.  You don't say how old she is.  It doesn't really matter.  A cell phone is expensive.  And it is an every month expense.  It is not unreasonable to say she has to bring her grades up before giving her something she wants.  Is she old enough to get a part time job (not that she could find one lol) and earn money toward paying for it?  Or maybe she could do chores around the house to earn money for the phone.

[countrygirl12]

I would get her a pre paid phone for emergencies only.  Every night I would check the minutes used and if there were minutes used and it wasn't to her dad or me, she is grounded.  She probably will be embarrassed because it just a cell phone and not an iPhone.  She will have to earn an iPhone.

iphones are really expensive.  A lot of people do the pre-paid phones to start with to show responsibility.  But if the only person she is allowed to talk to is her dad and step mom she probably would not want the phone.  What would be the point? lol.  You can also get a prepaid phone with unlimited minutes for $50 at Walmart.  And most of the prepaid phones you have to add minutes every month or you lose the phone so that $50 is the best deal.  But that is a lot of money to just hand a teenager.

[lguzman1]

I don't think your doing wrong. I've have had to take my own daughters phone away for months when she doesn't do well in school or is acting up. Good Job your doing good!!!

[sherryinutah]

I've raised 2 children and my tendency is to let them know they can have a cell phone when they can pay for one out of their allowance or when they are employed.  A cell phone is a choice and a financial responsibility. 

It's important that these kids learn the value of money.  Kids should have what they can pay for so they understand that they are spending whenever they talk and text.

Oh...and...don't feel obligated to compete with the other mom.

 

[Timberlan127]

I think you are being excellent parents. You have basically told her if she acts like a responsible person ( taking her education seriously ) then you will trust her with a cell phone. We need more parents like you that set rules for children to follow.

[camellia0]

Isn't there a cell phone just for emergencies? I saw that somewhere. If so it would be good for her to have just so that she can make calls home to you guys, but she can't chat with friends.

[haimsterette]

she wants a cell phone but we told her not until she brings her grades up she had one when she was with her real mom but we have set rules with her as long as she is living with her dad and myself do you think we are wrong or should we let her have a cell phone we know it would be useful for getting in touch with us in case of something happening but we also know she loves to talk to her friends any advice would be helpful

My mom got me my first cell phone when I was 11 for emergencies. I think you should consider that for now, since cell phones are good to have on hand in case of an emergency. Setting "standards" is good, since nowadays every kid and teenager has their face glued to a phone, texting or surfing the Net or taking selfies. I think your plan of action is reasonable and realistic.

[BMaston12]

she wants a cell phone but we told her not until she brings her grades up she had one when she was with her real mom but we have set rules with her as long as she is living with her dad and myself do you think we are wrong or should we let her have a cell phone we know it would be useful for getting in touch with us in case of something happening but we also know she loves to talk to her friends any advice would be helpful

I think she should have boundaries. If you think she needs to bring up her grades, then she should at least try to show improvement. Maybe she needs a tutor. There may be another problem or reason why she is slipping. Maybe a transition change has cuased some problems with school or kids in school. Find out more about why her grades are not as good. That will show her tht you care about her well being and not just her grades.
BMaston12

[lvstephanie]

I was always told that while I was at school, that was my job. So if I wanted something that my parents would end up paying for, I had to show that I was doing well with school. For me it was the use of the car. As long as I kept my grades up and continued to study hard, then I could use the car essentially whenever I wanted. So I think you are doing the correct thing. Esp. since her "real" dad is also agreeing to this rule.

[dancer139]

My daughter got her cell phone when she could pay half the bill.  She also had to keep her grades  at A's and B's.  Cell phone was off at 8:30 pm and was placed on the dining room table and not taken to her bedroom at night. 

May sound harsh,,,,,  but it worked and she graduated with a 4.0 and she got  her sleep at night    And she learned to pay her bills !!!