Dealing with Death of Pet

[sfreeman8]

Yesterday, we had to put our black lab baby, Abby, down because of acute kidney failure. She was only 7 and too young to go. She wasn't doing well for a month and the vet couldn't find anything wrong at first. She was my DH's sidekick, going everywhere with him. She was a birthday present for him 7 years ago and she really kept him company when I was hospitalized for those 3 weeks last year.

At night, he'd sit on the floor by her bedding to watch TV and he'd talk to her more than he talks to me (no big deal).  In fact, he is so devastated that he's not eating. She was a wonderful family member and when DH told the next door neighbor, the neighbor also broke down in tears. That's how fantastic of a dog she was. Always a clown and making us laugh.

Neither DH or I got much sleep last night. Does anyone know how to help my DH? I hate seeing him in such grief and pain. He doesn't know what to do with himself. We are so heartbroken. 

BTW, just last week (or the beginning of the month), I had answered a post entitled "Do Your Pets Understand You." That's how smart we thought she was.

[BlackSheepNY]

Yesterday, we had to put our black lab baby, Abby, down because of acute kidney failure. She was only 7 and too young to go. She wasn't doing well for a month and the vet couldn't find anything wrong at first. She was my DH's sidekick, going everywhere with him. She was a birthday present for him 7 years ago and she really kept him company when I was hospitalized for those 3 weeks last year.

At night, he'd sit on the floor by her bedding to watch TV and he'd talk to her more than he talks to me (no big deal).  In fact, he is so devastated that he's not eating. She was a wonderful family member and when DH told the next door neighbor, the neighbor also broke down in tears. That's how fantastic of a dog she was. Always a clown and making us laugh.

Neither DH or I got much sleep last night. Does anyone know how to help my DH? I hate seeing him in such grief and pain. He doesn't know what to do with himself. We are so heartbroken. 

BTW, just last week (or the beginning of the month), I had answered a post entitled "Do Your Pets Understand You." That's how smart we thought she was.

First, let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss.  It's a very hard thing, losing a family member (and that's how I think of all of my animals.  They are family members, not just "pets").  The loss is always devastating and, you may not even want another animal for a while.  That's OK.  Grieving your loss takes time.  What makes me feel better when I lose an animal close to me is I usually have them cremated.  I then search the net for a beautiful Urn that suits them.  They may not be here physically, but having their ashes still gives me the closeness I felt to them when they were alive.  It also makes me feel like I gave them the burial they deserved.  To memorialize them in this way is my way of repaying the love and friendship they gave unconditionally to me all of their lives.

[mill8277]

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your pet..........

[claysherrod]

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. My pets are always considered family members for me and it is so tough when I you lose one.

I had a mixed hound that had to be put down a few years ago. She was having trouble walking her hind legs and I came home from work one day and she had lost feeling and control of her hind legs and could not go potty. She was only about 7 or 8 as well. I had my son the night I put her down and it was sad for both of us. I think it was good for me to show him that I was sad. I wasn't afraid to cry in front of him..so long as I knew I could keep a bit of control as his Father. I think that was good for the both of us as we were very close to each other that night. We still talk about her a lot and I am always quick to mention to him that I believe that she is in heaven. I have even told him about a dream I had recently where she was there and playing with me. I told him I felt she was trying to tell me that she was okay. He seemed to like that.

In whatever way you choose to grieve this loss, trust that you have the ability to know how to do it. Deep down inside, you'll know what to do.

God bless.

[sfreeman8]

Thank you everyone for your kind posts. We really did feel she was family.

 On an update, I finally did tet DH to eat a little bit, but his "sighing" is something new.  He doesn't want to do anything and he's not interested in TV, telling me to put on what I want to watch.  That's totally new. He still sits on the floor where her bedding used to be but he doesn't really watch any TV.

He told the neighbor, who immediately broke down crying (he had a stroke a couple years ago and he said he's very emotional anymore).  DH said the date 8/19 was very familiar but he didn't know why...until an hour later. It was the same day his father died. So, it was a double bad day.

It hasn't been a good week all the way around. It's been a "whatever can go wrong, will" week. Just have to work our way through it.

Thank you again for your kindness. FC members are so nice.

[lvstephanie]

I'm scared that I may need to make a similar decision soon... My dog (again 7 years old, 8 in Oct.) had had a toe amputated on her left hind leg when I got her, and this year a toe on her right hind leg got infected and I'll have to amputate that as well. However she is a 175 lbs. mastiff so they are very susceptible to having trouble walking in their later years due to their massive body vs. leg strength. And to now lose a toe on each of her back paws will just exacerbate the problems, esp. when squatting to go bathroom and pushing off her hind feet to climb into the car or even walking up stairs. If this new amputation bothers her too much and she isn't able to walk anymore, I may need to put her done much earlier than I want.

I feel so sorry for your family. It must be tough to lose such a loyal friend / family member. Here is a beautiful poem that I had found a few years ago when a friend went thru a similar situation:

    HEAVEN'S DOGGY-DOOR

My best friend closed his eyes last night,
  As his head was in my hand.
The Doctors said he was in pain,
  And it was hard for him to stand.

The thoughts that scurried through my head,
  As I cradled him in my arms.
Were of his younger, puppy years,
  And OH...his many charms.

Today, there was no gentle nudge
  With an intense "I love you gaze",
Only a heart thats filled with tears
  Remembering our joy filled days.

But an Angel just appeared to me,
  And he said, "You should cry no more,
GOD also loves our canine friends,
  HE's installed a 'doggy-door"!

         jan cooper '95

    

[gaylasue]

My sympathies for you and your family.  We have a beloved canine son, Tommy, a Bichon Frise, that will be turning 12 in December.  He was a birthday gift for my daughter.  We got him when he was 8 weeks old.  He has been such a blessing to our family.  He has been such a companion and comfort to my husband.  We got Tommy two months after my husband became permanently disabled.  We kept Tommy with us when my daughter grew up and went off to college.  She knew she'd never get him back from us so she has gotten another dog, Clooney, a miniature schnauzer.  We consider him our grandpup.  Tommy has health issues that are slowly getting worse.  He had an eye put out when a cat attacked him several years ago.  We had a prosthetic eye put in him.  He has developed a cataract in the other eye but I can't afford the $3,200 for the surgery to correct it.  He has severe allergies, also.  We love him but know there will come a day in the not so distant future when we will have to let him go.

[jonhall37]

they can become very close to familys. i had a dog for 10 years and he never hurt a sole, then one day he bit a neighbor boy. i had to tie him up and he choaked himself....

[countrygirl12]

Yesterday, we had to put our black lab baby, Abby, down because of acute kidney failure. She was only 7 and too young to go. She wasn't doing well for a month and the vet couldn't find anything wrong at first. She was my DH's sidekick, going everywhere with him. She was a birthday present for him 7 years ago and she really kept him company when I was hospitalized for those 3 weeks last year.

At night, he'd sit on the floor by her bedding to watch TV and he'd talk to her more than he talks to me (no big deal).  In fact, he is so devastated that he's not eating. She was a wonderful family member and when DH told the next door neighbor, the neighbor also broke down in tears. That's how fantastic of a dog she was. Always a clown and making us laugh.

Neither DH or I got much sleep last night. Does anyone know how to help my DH? I hate seeing him in such grief and pain. He doesn't know what to do with himself. We are so heartbroken. 

BTW, just last week (or the beginning of the month), I had answered a post entitled "Do Your Pets Understand You." That's how smart we thought she was.

It's just going to take some time.  Maybe you could make a scrap book with pics of your pooch and your pooch and hubby.  There isn't really anything you can do to get over it quicker.  It's like when a family member dies.  Let him know it is okay to be sad and that you are there for him.   

[countrygirl12]

I'm scared that I may need to make a similar decision soon... My dog (again 7 years old, 8 in Oct.) had had a toe amputated on her left hind leg when I got her, and this year a toe on her right hind leg got infected and I'll have to amputate that as well. However she is a 175 lbs. mastiff so they are very susceptible to having trouble walking in their later years due to their massive body vs. leg strength. And to now lose a toe on each of her back paws will just exacerbate the problems, esp. when squatting to go bathroom and pushing off her hind feet to climb into the car or even walking up stairs. If this new amputation bothers her too much and she isn't able to walk anymore, I may need to put her done much earlier than I want.

I feel so sorry for your family. It must be tough to lose such a loyal friend / family member. Here is a beautiful poem that I had found a few years ago when a friend went thru a similar situation:

    HEAVEN'S DOGGY-DOOR

My best friend closed his eyes last night,
  As his head was in my hand.
The Doctors said he was in pain,
  And it was hard for him to stand.

The thoughts that scurried through my head,
  As I cradled him in my arms.
Were of his younger, puppy years,
  And OH...his many charms.

Today, there was no gentle nudge
  With an intense "I love you gaze",
Only a heart thats filled with tears
  Remembering our joy filled days.

But an Angel just appeared to me,
  And he said, "You should cry no more,
GOD also loves our canine friends,
  HE's installed a 'doggy-door"!

         jan cooper '95

    

I read the first line of your poem and quit.  I am already about to cry.  I have a dog that is not in the best of shape nor health as well as a cat.  Both are old.  And have recently lost other pooches for various reasons.  One a couple of years ago to cancer, one the year before that died in a tragic accident, had one get run over before that.  Oh btw, where I live it is famous area for idiots to dump dogs they no longer want.  And guess what...we take them to the vet, get them shots, and give them a forever home.

[countrygirl12]

My sympathies for you and your family.  We have a beloved canine son, Tommy, a Bichon Frise, that will be turning 12 in December.  He was a birthday gift for my daughter.  We got him when he was 8 weeks old.  He has been such a blessing to our family.  He has been such a companion and comfort to my husband.  We got Tommy two months after my husband became permanently disabled.  We kept Tommy with us when my daughter grew up and went off to college.  She knew she'd never get him back from us so she has gotten another dog, Clooney, a miniature schnauzer.  We consider him our grandpup.  Tommy has health issues that are slowly getting worse.  He had an eye put out when a cat attacked him several years ago.  We had a prosthetic eye put in him.  He has developed a cataract in the other eye but I can't afford the $3,200 for the surgery to correct it.  He has severe allergies, also.  We love him but know there will come a day in the not so distant future when we will have to let him go.

I got a cat when I was 15 and when I moved out on my own...he didn't get to go with me either. lol.  Momma told me I could visit anytime I wanted. lol 

[tantricia44]

I understand, the feeling of great loss when your beloved pet is gone. I never forget when my overgrown german shepherd mutt sasha, literarly died in my arms as the vet tech. ran around trying to get her into a room. I left the vet, empty handed & - 100 bucks. Weeks later, they called & told me they couldn't find anything wrong with my baby. If that was the case, why did she die!!!! DH will be feeling pain of loss for a long time. It was like, I to died!(RIP Sasha 2002)The same feeling of dying happen to me again as I watched my Husband dying infront of me while the medical staff just stood there. (RIPHarry2009) I couldn't get another dog again;can't deal with going though that again but 2 cat's adopted us before my hubby pass & he made me keep them & made me promise to take care of them.So, now I'm stuck with 2 hearts with the doomed knowledge that one day I'm going to lose them too!After that, I plan to just donate to the animal world. It's too hard to keep having your heart ripped out everytime someone dies. My suggestion for you & DH, is to grieve/moron as long as needed. Eventually, maybe you could get him to start volunteering at the shelter or look into a different kind of pet, one that has a longer life span. Don't give up!

[blondie71]

I lost my dog last winter.  Someone dumped him and my friend took the dog in but her kids was men and when she moved I kept the dog, My son was two when I got bandit he died two months after his 21 first birthday he died it was hard but he was really old.  I have another old little poodle who is old and acting like he is getting ready to go but I hope not I will miss him terrible. 

[Tresbn00]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss!  We had a Golden Retriever that we had to put down three years ago. She had lived a full life of fifteen years and helped us through my wife's cancer and two kids growing up. We had her put down in our house because she hated going to the vetrinarian's office. Our house was without a soul for several weeks and the grieving became unbearable for everyone in the family (I still get teary eyed thinking about how much I miss her). This may sound shallow but a friend invited us up North for a picnic and casually mentioned that less than five miles away was a Golden Retriever puppy for sale. Needless to say we went home with a puppy that day and picked up another one year later. We toast our departed Golden once a month but have found so much joy in our new chapters. Good luck to You!

[rainman306]

Sorry for you loss.  I remember when the family pet dog dies (which it was more of my parents pet) it was a sad day.  To honor my dog's loss I competed hard and got award the presidents ribbon or something for excellent atheltic performance in the 5th grade proabalby around about 1995.

I have a pet cat of my own now ... 5 years old ... and it will definately be a sad day when she passes away.