How much do you have to endure to discover someone is using you?

[sherryinutah]

Some people are manipulators and takers.  That's the way they operate and they don't see anything wrong with their behavior.  If we give and give and give to someone without receiving we could eventually experience accumulated resentment.

Whenever we interact with someone it's okay to say WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?

I think that HONEST COMMUNICATION is important with the intention of creating a Win/Win scenario for both people.  It also works out well to say NO even if you've been agreeable in the past.   

[alaskakaren]

I'm kind of a loner and even though I know a lot of people I keep my friend list kind of short...so I hope I have true friends who we help each other...

[lynnc35]

That is why you got to pull the ropes, if you let go, she will have no other choice, you enable someone by falling to their every whim. You have to let them know you are not going to tolerate it, until you do they will keep doing what works best for them to get their way, take it from one who knows, sometimes you got to let go, and think of it this way, you arent loosing anyone but when she realizes what she lost she will be back.

[darkxtsuna]

About 2 years into it when I found out I was being used just for money. Luckily I was told I was being used by others.

[clydebirman]

My ex wife was like this with me in the past, I would go to work to earn a paycheck where she would stay at home and do nothing, When payday came I would pay for everything the bills, food, rent and all her high maintenance lifestyle of living. She put me on a weekly allowance of the money I earned as well. This went on for the most years of our marriage and one day I woke up and said this is enough. That is when after every week she would give me a piece of paper with a list of the cleaning she has done for the week and expected me to pay her for her time and services done.      needless to say our marriage ended fast especially when I lost my job and she packed up and left. I also have had some few friends in the past that would call or come over for help or to borrow money and once I did this I would not hear from them again until they wanted something else.  The fact of the matter is this all are in the past and that is where they and anybody else will be. I am not a fool no more and will not be taken advantage of ever again. just count your losts and move on with out those kinds of people in your life.   

[squirrelgirl44]

Unfortunately I am that person that will put up with being used because I'm really desperate for interaction/friends so I put up with way more than I should. I know I am used. 

[stretch1967]

It will be hard but tell her to stand on her own 2 feet. If you keep allowing yourself to be used she will keep going as well as your other sister. i believe in family but there is a stopping point.

[mrisha]

It depends on you and the user.  It is difficult when you love the person and you might tend to continuously give them the benefit of the doubt.  But it can't continue because you start to lose a little part of you.  You have to put a stop to it immediately. 

[cathy37]

I am sorry this has happened to you and is now happening to your sister.  My sister also did this to me.  She would come to my house on the pretense of seeing me and bring her boyfriend and then want  to have sex at my house so our mother would not know about it.  I can understand how hard it is to say no, but at some point you have to put a stop to it.

[g0ku4life]

Yeah, if it's a family member, it obviously depends on the situation, but usually I stand as a firm "never." I, like most everyone else on here, has had other people use me for whatever their purpose

[bigfoot951]

It always seems so simple from the outside looking in and it seems like we would all know if it was happening to us.  Unfortunately it isn't always that easy and many are blind to this sort of thing.

[demaina]

I have an aunt like that.  Her and her daughter took advantage of her other daughter until she died and took advantage of the son up until a few years ago when he was telling us about what was going on and we said he didn't have to give them his entire paycheck.  She had convinced the two kids that family is supposed to help each other out and that children are supposed to obey they parents.  She is like 70 and the kids are like 30ish and yet she still wants them to obey her when they live in their own apartments.  She asked my dad for money, cousins, her other brothers and sisters.  I'm waiting for that day that she calls me.  I really wish the son would start listening to us and start writing down what they do to him cause he gets really upset when it happens but then a week later is back there with them, then comes home and is crying about how they did it to him again.  He used to lend them money, which they said they'd pay back, and when he'd ask for it so he could pay his rent, they'd say "that's in the past, you shouldn't be bringing that up."  After I heard that, I don't quite know why he goes back but he keeps doing it every once in a while.

They believe they need to smoke 3 packs a day, and they won't do things to reduce the cost of their habit, they drink pop like it's water, they get the most expensive cable and internet available, and they are constantly throwing away things like computers and wheelchairs cause they don't want them any more.  And then like two weeks later they are complaining cause they don't have whatever it was they threw away.  The thing that bugs me the most is it is constant.  Every month like clockwork they need help cause they can't pay their electricity or rent.  They are smart enough to tell people they can't pay rent or electricity cause no one will pay for your smoking habit or cable, so they specifically pay for cigarettes and cable and ignore the rent in hopes that someone else in the family will pay it.  And the worst part is it always happens.  If might not be my dad, or her son, but someone tends to save her.

I've grown up with hearing this for my entire life so I'm really cynical of people.  I may give people a $20 if they need it, but they don't get more until I get it back.  I don't know if someone has used me before, but I can't think of anytime when that happened.  There used to be this one girl in my biology class that always wanted to check her answers with mine (which we were allowed to do), but half the time she didn't have any answers to begin with so I started saying I wasn't done or no depending on the situation.  That's about the only time I can think of being used, but that's not really the same.

I'm all for helping people, but when it becomes a constant thing and you are basically just taking care of them, then it isn't helping any more.  People need to fail in order to figure out what to do, so saving them constantly isn't going to help them break their habit.  By failing, they will either learn to do things differently or they won't but then they will know the consequences for their actions.  We do it for kids, so I don't see why it should be different for an adult.

[LenoraMinogue]

I'm not sure I know the answer to this. I would guess it's a little different for everyone. People who use other people inevitably show their true colors eventually though.

[ljrjess69]

people use my daughter,,drives me nuts!!!