falling out of love

[ladycasshmere]

Is it possible to get so fed up with someone that you fall out of love with them?

[msmoneybags48]

Oh, boy, I can say yes emphatically.  I spent 20 years with my ex-husband.  He was a drug addict.  He would make me feel worthless.  I loved him at one point.  His own mother wanted to know, before she died, what I saw in him.  By the time 20 years of him treating me like crap came, I was not only out of love with him, I was just plain tired of him.  He came to my job and threatened to make me lose it.  I was embarrassed, especially when my supervisor came to the door, yanked it open and told him not to come there anymore.  I went through a lot to get rid of him; I sent my daughter, age 14, to live with my sister and, once she was out of harm's way where he could not use her as leverage against me, I set out a plan.  I went on vacation to see my relatives for 3 weeks and, when I returned, I didn't return to him.  I told him I had had it up to here with him and was not returning to him.  His response to that, because I would not give him $10, was to call me every name in the book.  The last time he came to me about $10, I refused to give it to him, and he told me thank you for helping him lose his job.  I told him that I didn't make him lose his job; I would not give him $10 to put up his nose.  He discovered then that he had lost control of me.  The problem escalated to the point that he had recruited a friend to call me on the job, post lies about my friend, and threatened to beat me up.  My friend was standing outside with him and beat him up.  He then figured the solution was to get a gang of men to beat up my friend until they asked who my friend was.  When that was revealed, they told him he was on his own.  After that, I saw no more of him for 3 years until my friend was killed in a carjacking.  I told him there was no way I was taking him back.  I was separated from him for 11 years and divorced him in 2011.  I am married to a great man, and I love him to death.  

[timvolley]

it can happen too anyone

[ladycasshmere]

I cant believe you had the patience to stay with him as long as you did. I am getting tired of my guy we been together for 7 yrs. He use to be loving and now he is insensitive and mean esp.  when he drinks which is like almost everyday

[msmoneybags48]

I know, ladycashmere, but that is what happens when you allow them to step on you like you are their doormat.  I still was stupid enough to take him back when he owed the drug dealers and they threatened to kill my daughter and me.  That is because I found out the method of his cowardice.  He stuck his tail between his legs and ran like a scared rabbit.  He actually told me they were not going to do anything to us.  But I remember the case of a woman who was pregnant and the drug dealers kidnapped her, beat her in the stomach, sending her into premature labor.  That was because she had a worthless man too.  Her baby was born slow as a result.  I took it as long as I could until, like Popeye the Sailor Man, I couldn't stands no more.  Here is my suggestion, and I give it for free.  Either talk to him about it, or leave him.  He is not going to change.  My mother was with a man who drank enough in 8 years of weekends to kill him.  You can't allow him to keep treating you like that.  I know I should have taken my own advice, but I left him seven years after that.  I had had it up to here when the police came by the apartment and I unknowingly walked out of the room.  They were sitting around like little ducks in a row.  I protested because my only crime was not knowing they were in the house and, after checking me out, the police  let me go.  He accused me of sending them (his son and his girlfriend were there) to jail, and I told him that he didn't have to worry about it anymore because that was the straw that literally broke the camel's back.  When I made my move, I made it knowing that there were others in my situation and, if they wanted advice, I could tell them of my situation.

[tantricia44]

Ladycasshmere~ You know the saying there's a fine line between love & hate; in a way both sides are one & the same. I don't see it as falling out of love w/someone; I see it as, that someone, you love so much has in a way died & that person you're looking at now is a stranger;the essence of the one you love is no longer there. So, you never fell out of love with him; the love is still there but the person whom you gave your heart too is no longer there.

[melissaotto1982]

I think so but you have to decide if its a love worth saving and working at!

[gaylasue]

Yes, I believe so.  But then you would still have to wonder if you were really in love with that person to begin with or was only infatuated. 

[sak4kat]

Falling out of love is difficult...possible and at times healthy.  You know those feelings you get when you fall in love with someone.  Euphoria takes over.  When 2 people are in love they work together and there love get's stronger.  I like to think that as the Euphoria starts to fade a strong foundation is set up to take it's place.  However when staying with a person is destructive on behalf of one or the other I don't believe "standing by your man" is a healthy option.  I've been there and done and found not only was I being pulled down mentally and financially I was enabling the other half to destroy not only themselves but me and our children.  Little by little I fell out of love...until I couldn't take it any more.  That was nearly 7 years ago.  I don't know if he's recovered from his addictions or not but I know I'm in a better place.  When he picks our kids up every other weekend there isn't a spark...there isn't a thought of euphoria...he repulses me now and looking back...he's the same guy I met 20 years ago...but it took me living with him and his addictions to see who he is as a person.  Best of luck to you.

[cyncity831]

Absolutely!  Sometimes when you've been with someone for a long time, you realize that you've outgrown them, or they you.  People change as life does everyday.  And what may have worked for you in the past, may not be what works for you in the present or future.

[carmen4]

I believe that you can fall out of love with someone that you were once in love with..
However Im not sure if you can ever stop completely loving someone you have loved before. I read this quote the other day:

'There is no such word as "loved".
Love has no past tense.
If you ever stop loving someone,
then you never truly loved them in the first place.'

Im still trying to figure out if this quote rings true, at least for me..
I know that some married couples still have love for their exes even after they are re married. Doesnt mean theyre in love with them or even think about them a lot, I think its just someone you would do anything for if it came down to it.
I know im still young at 21, but I was in love with my ex. Im not anymore and would never get back together with him, however I have so much love for him and wish him the best in everything he does. Its only been a couple years since we broke up but I still have the same care for him and I dont think it would ever go away at this point..but we'll see.

[PGS28]

YES! Because people change, and we all put our best foot forward when first meeting someone, which is fine; you're suppose to strive to be better with every relationship, but once some people think they have you then their true colors come out and it's not always so pretty.  They may argue that you never loved them or whatever but your peace of mind is what's best at the end of the day.  You didn't go into the relationship to be stressed out and taken for granted, that relationship is supposed to bring you joy and support.  I don't expect my relationships to be sunshine and bubbles 24/7 but if he can't be an additive to the already happy person I was before I met him then he's not serving his purpose and what one won't do another one will.

Is it possible to get so fed up with someone that you fall out of love with them?

[bremer51]

Love can take a lot of abuse and neglect, but it won't last that way forever.  Love is a very precious gift and you should give your love to someone who will cherish it.

[plennis]

  You finally can fall more in love with yourself, value yourself over  a person who treats you life crap.  You have to really build yourself up and get strong to finally end it.  But when you do,  you will wonder what kept you in it for so long.  YOU have to value YOU and YOU have to value your CHILDREN.  They can't do anything about it, so you have to be strong from them too!       IN other cases sometimes you need to work at the relationship a little.  Maybe you have both gotten to distracted with other things instead of each other.  Sometimes it takes some hard work to get the spark back, but if there is love there it is worth it.  June was our 42nd anniversary, and we have had times where we had to make each other  the priority over everything else!
                 

[hvnlydevil]

I do think you can fall out of love with somebody. Sometimes, people grow more as their own person than they do with someone else and those "new" people are out of touch. It takes a big person to admit they have fallen out of love and to act on it; and as difficult as it may be, may lead you to fall in love again.