~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~

[Seenobita]

Men are like Bluetooth connection, when you are beside them, they stay connected but when you are away, they search for new devices.

[DeliriousKris]

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield

[DeliriousKris]

By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.
Richard Dawkins

[BlackSheepNY]

My favorite is:

"Meddle not in the affair of Dragons, for thou art crunchy, and go well with ketchup!"

[jenniferhoder]

Thanks for the great laughs!!!

[hitch0403]

Rodney and George Carlin 2 of my favs!!

[DeliriousKris]

What's another word for Thesaurus?
Steven Wright

[DeliriousKris]

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns

[DeliriousKris]

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
Bill Vaughan

[DeliriousKris]

“Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.”
Ellen DeGeneres

[jcribb16]

"A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans." "

[jcribb16]

“Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.”
Ellen DeGeneres

You've posted some great ones!

[freedavis]

I laugh can go a long way.

[DeliriousKris]

“Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.”
― Kurt Vonnegut

[arie6]

i dont find any of these funny... :S