~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~

[jcribb16]

"A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life."

~ William Arthur Ward ~


"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."
 
~ W. C. Fields ~



"A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know."
 
~ Laurence J. Peter ~



"Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement."
 
~ Ronald Reagan ~

[jcribb16]

"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height."
 
~ Casey Stengel ~


"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
 
~ Steven Wright ~

[workmama]

"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height."
 
~ Casey Stengel ~


"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
 
~ Steven Wright ~

LOL!! I had a teacher in elementary school that once said that exact same thing about getting in line according to your height. Well, that didn't work out for me, I was at the end of the line. I only liked the teachers that said get in a line according to the first letter of your last name, which my last name started with an 'A', so I was always first. If something was embarrassing or bad, like having to speak in front of the class, I was always first. I used to hate it, but now I remember back and look at it like I was lucky most of the time! Haha!! Love the quotes! Helped brightened my mood!! Have a wonderful evening!!

  ~workmama~

[jcribb16]

"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height."
 
~ Casey Stengel ~


"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
 
~ Steven Wright ~

LOL!! I had a teacher in elementary school that once said that exact same thing about getting in line according to your height. Well, that didn't work out for me, I was at the end of the line. I only liked the teachers that said get in a line according to the first letter of your last name, which my last name started with an 'A', so I was always first. If something was embarrassing or bad, like having to speak in front of the class, I was always first. I used to hate it, but now I remember back and look at it like I was lucky most of the time! Haha!! Love the quotes! Helped brightened my mood!! Have a wonderful evening!!

  ~workmama~

As a chorus teacher, I always had to line them up for pictures, according to height, lol.  Trying to line each section according to height wasn't always easy, either.  As a regular teacher, alphabetical was the thing.  I remember a couple of times I threw them off by telling them to line up in alphabetical order, but reversed.  That way, the first could be last for once, lol.

I'm glad you like them - they help me, too!  It's always good to see you!  I like your new picture, too! 

[jcribb16]

"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."
~ Mitch Hedberg ~


"I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass."
~ David Lee Roth ~


"Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese."
~ Luis Bunuel ~
 

[workmama]

"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height."
 
~ Casey Stengel ~


"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
 
~ Steven Wright ~

LOL!! I had a teacher in elementary school that once said that exact same thing about getting in line according to your height. Well, that didn't work out for me, I was at the end of the line. I only liked the teachers that said get in a line according to the first letter of your last name, which my last name started with an 'A', so I was always first. If something was embarrassing or bad, like having to speak in front of the class, I was always first. I used to hate it, but now I remember back and look at it like I was lucky most of the time! Haha!! Love the quotes! Helped brightened my mood!! Have a wonderful evening!!

  ~workmama~

As a chorus teacher, I always had to line them up for pictures, according to height, lol.  Trying to line each section according to height wasn't always easy, either.  As a regular teacher, alphabetical was the thing.  I remember a couple of times I threw them off by telling them to line up in alphabetical order, but reversed.  That way, the first could be last for once, lol.

I'm glad you like them - they help me, too!  It's always good to see you!  I like your new picture, too! 

Thank You!! My hair has extensions in it. lol
Anyways, it is always nice to see you too! Your new quotes made me laugh also! 

  ~workmama~

[mjdoug03]

Oh quotes.

[jcribb16]

"Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?"
~ James Thurber ~


"Never put a sock in a toaster."
~ Eddie Izzard ~


"If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving."
~ Henny Youngman ~


"I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either."
~ Jack Benny ~

[BaudLight]

I have always been afraid of clowns.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe because when I was a kid, a clown killed my father.

Jack Handey

[jcribb16]

"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
~ Mitch Hedberg ~


"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."
~ Jerry Seinfeld ~


"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
~ Steven Wright ~

[jcribb16]

"They’ve finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer."
~ Milton Berle ~


"Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat."
~ Jim Davis ~


"Graduation Speech: I’d like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy & Paste."
~ Unknown ~

[jcribb16]

"The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere."
~ Jimmy Fallon ~


"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
~ Robin Williams ~

[skrogman]

Thank you for the good laughs.  Great way to start a mid-week morning.

[jkhanson]

"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
~ Mitch Hedberg ~


"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."
~ Jerry Seinfeld ~


"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
~ Steven Wright ~

These quotes made me laugh.  I love to laugh   Thanks the day brighteners!

[jcribb16]

"If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer."
~ Rob Corddry ~

"I failed to make the chess team because of my height."
~ Woody Allen ~


"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."
~ Rodney Dangerfield ~