~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~

[shepherdchik]

These quotes are great- I need to read things like this every day to get my day off the right way 

[jcribb16]

"Kittens are wide-eyed, soft and sweet. With needles in their jaws and feet."
~Pam Brown~

"I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained in two days."
~Bill Dana~

"No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens."
~Abraham Lincoln~

[jcribb16]

“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
- Brian Gerald O’Driscoll -

“The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.”
- Unknown -

“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.”
- Bill McGlashen -

[workmama]

“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
- Brian Gerald O’Driscoll -

“The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.”
- Unknown -

“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.”
- Bill McGlashen -

I like the second quote you posted here. Funny one and I know that for a fact! Haha! 

[jcribb16]

“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
- Brian Gerald O’Driscoll -

“The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.”
- Unknown -

“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.”
- Bill McGlashen -

I like the second quote you posted here. Funny one and I know that for a fact! Haha! 

Lol!  I know what you mean!  That happened to me one night and a few days later I came across that quote - it says it perfectly! 

[jcribb16]

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”
~ Douglas Adams ~

“I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
~ Jerome K. Jerome ~

“Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.”
~ Yogi Berra ~

[DeliriousKris]

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Johnny Carson

[jcribb16]

"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle."
~Bob Hope~

"Never test the depth of the water with both feet."
~Unknown~

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
~Greg Norman, Golfer~

[vicogden]

"Take my wife, PLEASE!" -- Henny Youngman

[jcribb16]

“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'”
~ Tommy Cooper ~

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
~ Jack Handey ~

[DeliriousKris]

Never judge a book by its movie. -- J. W. Eagan

[jcribb16]

Never judge a book by its movie. -- J. W. Eagan

That's for sure!

[jcribb16]

"I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."
~ Anonymous ~

"I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it."
~ Sammy - Ottawa ~

"I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time."
~ Derek - Arizona ~

[jcribb16]

"I spent a year in that town, one Sunday."
~George Burns~

"My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?"
~Margaret Smith~

"I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a flat tire."
~Roy Orbison~

[jcribb16]

“I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.”
- Unknown -

“Three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: ‘Hold my purse.’”
- Unknown -

“The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.”
- Unknown -