~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~

[DeliriousKris]

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck

[DeliriousKris]

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin

[DeliriousKris]

If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
William Lyon Phelps

[Skyenkit]

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

[DeliriousKris]

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
Erma Bombeck

[DeliriousKris]

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
Steve Martin

[DeliriousKris]

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?
James Thurber

[DeliriousKris]

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner

[DeliriousKris]

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Jim Carrey

[DeliriousKris]

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov

[DeliriousKris]

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams

[DeliriousKris]

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin

[DeliriousKris]

I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
Carl Sandburg

[Forp]

Enjoyed reading these .

[freedavis]

These are real funny