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  • ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~ 3 3
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Topic: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~  (Read 24215 times)

DeliriousKris

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #120 on: April 01, 2013, 02:38:16 pm »
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

jcribb16

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #121 on: April 05, 2013, 07:23:22 pm »
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

Well that's a reality way of looking at it!

jcribb16

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #122 on: April 05, 2013, 07:27:52 pm »
"All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door."
~ Unknown ~

"Human brain is the most outstanding object in world.  It functions 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.  It functions right from the time we are born, and stops only when we enter the examination hall."
~ Unknown ~

DeliriousKris

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #123 on: April 13, 2013, 10:02:17 am »
I wish people were like money, so you could hold them up to the light to see which ones are real and which ones are fake.

stretch1967

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #124 on: April 13, 2013, 11:38:30 am »
Keep the quotes a coming they tend to brighten someones day

DeliriousKris

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #125 on: April 14, 2013, 09:40:03 am »
Today's Relationships: You can touch each other, but not each others phones.

BlackSheepNY

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #126 on: April 14, 2013, 12:09:56 pm »
One of my favorites is:

"Do Not Meddle in the Affairs of Dragons for Thou Art Crunchy and Go Good with Ketchup!"   ;D

linderlizzie

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Re: 23 Adult Truths
« Reply #127 on: April 16, 2013, 04:23:57 pm »
             
            ***** 23 ADULT TRUTHS ******

            [1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

            2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

            3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

            4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

            5. How in the world are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

            6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

            7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

            8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

            9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

            10. Bad decisions make good stories.

            11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

            12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

            13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

            14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

            15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

            16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

            17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

            18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

            19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

            20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.

            21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

            22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

            23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

            Ladies.....Quit Laughing.


         
This was my contribution to humor on the Forum today.  ;D

« Last Edit: August 16, 2015, 08:49:59 am by linderlizzie »

Clandestine1

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #128 on: April 16, 2013, 06:01:54 pm »
"We just witnessed a classic example of what I call miss directed rage, I believe the technical term is being an a*s."

-Shoma Shigure (Fruits Basket)


jcribb16

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #129 on: April 19, 2013, 09:36:58 am »
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
~ Henry Youngman ~


"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."
~ Groucho Marx ~


"When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife."
~ Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh ~


I hope everyone has had a great week!  Enjoy your weekend!  :)

adg35

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #130 on: April 19, 2013, 12:38:05 pm »
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/g/george_carlin.html#DvlXLQD0eEtMYy0M.99

stretch1967

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #131 on: April 20, 2013, 09:53:47 am »
These always tend to help my day. Thank you.

paints

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #132 on: April 20, 2013, 03:21:17 pm »
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO!- Unknown   :D


plennis

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #133 on: April 20, 2013, 04:09:07 pm »
    The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.       ....George Carlin                         

jcribb16

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Re: ~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~
« Reply #134 on: April 21, 2013, 05:17:07 pm »
"I’m trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep."
~ Jim Loy ~


"Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don’t have to do it?"
~ Unknown ~


"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
~ Charles Lamb ~

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