House guess ended up moving in I need advice

[blondie71]

My husband and I agreed to let his brother stay with us and I would help him with getting his medicaid and also start his disability. In my situation I can't have anyone live with my husband and myself beceuse we get help with our rent, besides he makes more than my husband and he doesn't have any of his back pack left and he pretty much spend his ssi check when it comes in. He doesn't help out with anything and I cold loose my housing help and he just doesn't care i we loose out. When we try o talk to him about it he getts angree and thinks we don't want him here but thats not the case when he didn't have any money it wasn't a problem. Now he says I am changing everiything and I not.  So does anyone have any idea's how to go about this because I want to me nice but serious?                                                                                                                                 

[Sendmicheck]

You and your husband should sit down with his brother and let him know he should get his own apartment.

[skrogman]

Oh my goodness, this is bad...is he registering your address with the Social Sec board?  If so, trust me, trust me, trust me,  Section 8 already knows he's there.  Been through a similar situation in which sec 8 wouldn't even let my own adult son live with me because of a sealed juvie record and without me he was either homeless or in shelters until he got his check (he is ADHD/Aspberger's).  But, as homeless, he was not even staying with me, but used my address for his check and man, wow, Sec 8 knew it in a split minute.  So what I have to say may not be what you want to hear, but when the gentleman is out you may have to physically set his stuff out and lock that door and stand strong that he is on the other side.  Rough, I know, and may cause marital arguements, but ya know what?  You're safe at home in your house while you're arguing!!!! Stand strong and pray about it and he does have an income so big boy can find a way to stand on his own two feet.  There are too many places out there that offer assistance for him not to be okay in the long run.  Stand your ground, stand your ground, stand your ground.  

[mawhite63]

I can't believe you're still putting up with this after you made that thread in August. It's absurd that you are being made to feel uncomfortable in your own house.

Frankly, the only way this is going to end is if you legally evict him. I know it's not what you want to hear, because it's unpleasant, but this guy is just not going to change.

[skrogman]

She can't legally evict him, because her point is she can't let "the system" be in her problem.  That's what she was saying.  She can't bring in the system and hubby's a whole lotta help here.

[mawhite63]

She can't legally evict him, because her point is she can't let "the system" be in her problem.  That's what she was saying.  She can't bring in the system and hubby's a whole lotta help here.

Aha, thanks skrogman for clearing that up for me.

[skrogman]

No problem, just hope I was helpful.  Trust me, I truly feel it when women are victimized. Can't exactly say here what I would like to see happen to men like that.  I had an x-husband that believed that his wife was his property and I don't want to see ANYONE else go through stuff similar to that.

[lorraine_bka]

I would talk with my husband and explain to him that if he stays the rent goes up and if the rent goes up either his brother or him would have to pay it and that I wasn't. I would have my husband talk to his brother about moving out. Having talks like this usually work better coming from a sibling than a siblings wife. If you say something yourself most of the time it will just cause a agurement. If he is not on the rent I would not put him on there with out him paying the extra amount. If it comes down to it and things get really bad just keep in mind that he is not on the rental agreement and you can have a talk with the landlord to get him out. It won't be a pretty ending but you have to keep yourself aflot in this economy. Good luck! Keep in mind this is just a opinion you don't have to take my advice.

[scain1]

its ur house ur husband should tell his brother to grow up n get out its his family so he should handle it if u throw the brother out it will b all ur fault

[maxinmotion]

This is a very bad situation to be in. You and your husband needs to get together and have a conversation with just the two of you and have pen in hand. Come up with a couple of what "if" questions. What if we get put out trying to help your brother? What if he get a place of his own now before something happen? What if you set an amount of money that he has to pay or leave? You and your husband must agree on some kind of action plan and stick with it in order to fix this.

I agree that your husband should talk to his brother but the two of you need to talk first and you must have his back in whatever you two decide. Good luck!

[kimberlymgiles]

Be straightforward with him tell him exactly how you feel.

[dreamyxo]

Make it so unbearable for him that he will want to leave on his own.  Nag him 24/7 to clean up after himself, help with expenses etc.  Go and turn on the lights when he is asleep.  Turn off the hot water just as he gets in the shower.  Cook really bad food and only give it to him.  Don't let him have any privacy.  Follow him around and annoy him.  Just basically be the most annoying bi*tch on wheels that you can be.  Drive him so crazy he will want to leave.  

ETA
Tell your husband the plan first so he won't think you've lost your mind and want to leave with the brother.

[laine39]

I think we need to help family, but your brother-in-law is being selfish and obviously only thinking about himself, so you and your husband need to look out for yourselves. It doesn't seem like he'd worry about you if you were out in the street and what your doing is taking advantage of the system by not being truthful, since you know he shouldn't be living there, whether he is helping out financially or not. He shouldn't be there. Myabe it's harsh, but you have yourselves to blame only if you lose your assistance.

[tdecet]

Best to be just straight forward and tell him how it is.   Sounds like a mess.  I'll pray things work out for you in the long run.  Take Care and God Bless

[sherryinutah]

I agree that some open and honest communication is important.  You and your husband should sit down with him and explain the awkward position you're in.  Let him know that you're not in a position to offer him a permanent home and that him living there could potentially be a serious problem.

If you explain it in a way that he doesn't have to take it personally and discuss his options with him, hopefully, it will all work out in everyones' best interest.