Getting rid of pesky teenagers

[dansazz]

So I am a 24 year old man, and I am living with, and engaged to a 41 almost 42 year old woman. Before you say anything about the age difference, let me just say that your opinion on that is irrelevant. She has a 19 year old son and a 21 year old daughter. For the longest time her son was living with us and drove me crazy, we finally got rid of him, altho he keeps trying to come back. And her daughter still lives with us, and she has a 10 month old baby. Talk about a headache. I should mention that both of her kids have the mentality of a 6 year old. I have been with her for almost 2 years, and every step of the way her kids have been here, either one or the other or both. We also have a baby together who is almost 8 months old, so you can see the conflict. This is driving me crazy. We gave her son 6 months to be out, and he was. Altho he keeps trying to come back with bribes and whatnot. Then we gave her daughter also 6 months. The time is almost up and she hasn't done anything but sit around the house all day, and now she is whining and crying that she's going to be homeless and she needs more time etc.. And of course her mom wants to give her more time. I've been pulling out my hair for 2 years, I'm ready for some releif. What do you guys think. What should we/I do?

[brenspencer]

So I am a 24 year old man, and I am living with, and engaged to a 41 almost 42 year old woman. Before you say anything about the age difference, let me just say that your opinion on that is irrelevant. She has a 19 year old son and a 21 year old daughter. For the longest time her son was living with us and drove me crazy, we finally got rid of him, altho he keeps trying to come back. And her daughter still lives with us, and she has a 10 month old baby. Talk about a headache. I should mention that both of her kids have the mentality of a 6 year old. I have been with her for almost 2 years, and every step of the way her kids have been here, either one or the other or both. We also have a baby together who is almost 8 months old, so you can see the conflict. This is driving me crazy. We gave her son 6 months to be out, and he was. Altho he keeps trying to come back with bribes and whatnot. Then we gave her daughter also 6 months. The time is almost up and she hasn't done anything but sit around the house all day, and now she is whining and crying that she's going to be homeless and she needs more time etc.. And of course her mom wants to give her more time. I've been pulling out my hair for 2 years, I'm ready for some releif. What do you guys think. What should we/I do?

Been there done that only my b/f who I call my husband who i have been with for ten years his son's are 25 and 26 and they do the same thing and their dad always gives in to them now needless to say they do drugs, don't pick up after themselves, disrespect to the point where I want to smack them and their dad says and does nothing but if they do it to him and you don't stick up for him he gets pissed I am at the point of walking away from this as it is not worth the aggravation and apparently I don't mean to him what he means to me. My opinion is she thinks more of her kids and really does not care how you feel she will eventually blame you for making her choose between her kids and you that is my opinion

[BabyMamaBoutique]

Wow. I am at a loss for words.  I have no idea.  My husband's little brother lived with us for over a year and he was so messy! It drove me crazy.  But he is back with HIS mom, too, now.  Do your fiancee's kids respect you and your home?  Are you in love with your fiancee enough to deal with this permanently if necessary? If you are, that's wonderful! You must understand that, as a mother myself, I don't feel that I could kick my kids out on the street so I see how tough the situation must be for her. At the same time, you do have a family of your own now. Does her daughter have support from the baby's dad?  Realistically, do you feel like you can be happy if the situation becomes semi-permanent?  It really depends on how much you care for this woman.  If you don't feel like it's "worth it" (and I really don't mean to sound crass) then be honest with her.  Make sure you do what is best for the three of you. Best of luck. Please update us if you feel like venting. So sorry about your situation.  It must be rough.

[BabyMamaBoutique]

Wow so many ways to view the situation.  It's a lot to think about.  Good luck, all.

[melonybrannon]

I say the boy(a.k.a. man-child) needs more time, boys-men take longer to mature. He needs to have a job if he is out of school he needs to pay a small amount of rent and save up to move out by the time he is 21. You have to have rules for the whole house. Have a house meeting and set up the rules together, money, respect, household chores, that kind of thing.
For the girl, help her find a cheap place to live and move her out. Tell her Bye, it is time to grow up.

[kqa]

Perhaps you could give the daugher a jump-start on her own place and then cut the cord.  The son just needs to go.  Tough situation, but they will never learn responsibility unless they are forced to do so.

[dansazz]

Thanks for all the comments. I love her, but there is only so much I can deal with, I mean they are adults and it's not my fault they are immature little people. I will not deal with this perminatly. If she loves me then she will do something about it. I don't want to live a life where I am not happy. And My daughter deserves the life of having two parents and being only child. I have another kid, and I feel like I failed him, So I refuse to Fail my daughter. At the same time I will not be miserable. I mean her freakin daughter is sitting in the living room crying and howling like a 5 year old throwing a temper tantrum. I know she is perfectly capeable of being on her own, and with all the help out there for mothers, she should have no problem. But because her Deadbeat boyfriend doesn't want her to do anything because he doesn't want to pay child support, she doesn't do anything to benefit herself and her kid. All she cares about is that stupid looser. He barley helps with her, just to watch her once in awhile. This whole situation is too much for someone my age. I got a lot of life ahead of me, and I got dreams, and I refuse to give them up for someone else to be a lazy *bleep*. The son is not as bad as the girl in some ways but in others he is worse. The two of them act like they never left elemintary school. I'm not trying to be mean it's just true. They walk all over their mom and she lets them. Its gotta stop. We are not rich we got our own life to deal with. Thank you for all your support.

[surveysmillenium]

My dad charged me rent when I lived at his place. If I ever have kids that's what I would do. I was on my own from 19 on and I worked and went to school at the same time. The economy IS suffering though so it is hard to find a job. I am unemployed but I'm married so my husband is currently supporting me. I can't imagine what I would do if I didn't have him, but I do everything around here so I feel I earn my keep and I am actively trying to find a new job. While it seems from what you mentioned those young adults are taking advantage, throwing someone out on the street is not the answer either. They need to show that they are actively trying to contribute to the household. Give them a reasonable time limit to get on their feet and move out.

[jwallbank]

actually, I don't want to get on anyone's case but, I personally would have checked out this situation before moving in with the woman. I feel that it is not fair to you at 24 years of age to be taking care of two grown kids. Me personally would have not got into a situation like this in the first place.

[derrick12480]

that's life. If you want their mother you have to deal with them

[vp44]

There is a time when the cord has to be cut. I lived with my dad all my life but it was different cause he never remarried and it was just me and him for years. I did my part and never brung men home. When i had my kid the father ran out and me and my dad took care of my lil guy and after awhile i took care of both on my own cause my dad for years he was ill until he passed away in June 2011. I am on my own now but i do what I need to do to make sure my son is taking care of and the daughter needs to do that also. I never thought i would succeed but going on a year now I am above water still and not drowning and me and my lil guy are doing ok not perfect or the best but we are doing ok. I thank my father for his guidance and support. The daughter needs guidance and support but she does need to be on her own cause she needs to learn how to support her own Family. God bless you and Good Luck.

[mario752]

Well I first recomend to calm done and enspire him to go other plces see the world you now  

[BabyMamaBoutique]

Best of luck with your situation. Keep us posted.  Hopefully the pieces will fall into place.

[dansazz]

Thanks everyone I will keep you all posted. And to the person who said deal with it. Why should I, I never thought it would be a packaged deal they are not 6, they are adults. I don't have to accept them also.

[dreamyxo]

How about the two of you move out.  Cut off the lights, electricity and move.  Just make it unbearable for the daughter to live there so that she will want to leave.