Can I get some advice please?

[cateyes1]

I have this neighbor who is 61 years of age, he says he has Chronic Fatigue but i'f seen him many times out and about. For the past couple of weeks now he has been calling me and asking me if I could bring him down peanut butter & jelly sandwhiches because he feels he cant make it to the store and he has no food in the house (he lives alone)...well I hate to hear ANYONE is hungry so of course I make him a couple of sandwhiches and chips etc etc....Well he has been calling me now for the past couple days and I am soooo sick with a cold. he even asked me am I alright, I said no I'm sick yet he asked me if I could bring him down some sandwhiches UGGGGGGG. anyways I said i'll see what I can do. well I feel so sick with this cold that I ignored it and just went to bed. I'm feeling so guilty and he keeps calling my house. when is enough is enough and would you feel guilty?...thank you to ANYONE that helps me out here.

[krazikristin]

Hey
 Thats Very Nice of you i would defiantly do the same. i would feel kinda obligated to do it and it will make u feel good but only as long as you get your stuff done first.. tell him you can only do it certain days explain you dont mind that you just want to work out a schedule for yourself and you can only help him wen your not at work dont feel bad to stand up for yourself but also remember if hes older hes stuck in his own ways and prob old fashion so be polite.. Do what you can and dont feel bad to ignore himif your busy or sick because its not ur responsibility and you are already doing more than any1 else but i give u credit. what goes around comes around and you will have good karma for being a great person!

[cateyes1]

Hey
 Thats Very Nice of you i would defiantly do the same. i would feel kinda obligated to do it and it will make u feel good but only as long as you get your stuff done first.. tell him you can only do it certain days explain you dont mind that you just want to work out a schedule for yourself and you can only help him wen your not at work dont feel bad to stand up for yourself but also remember if hes older hes stuck in his own ways and prob old fashion so be polite.. Do what you can and dont feel bad to ignore himif your busy or sick because its not ur responsibility and you are already doing more than any1 else but i give u credit. what goes around comes around and you will have good karma for being a great person!

First of all welcome to FC krazikristin....thank you so much for your kind words. any other time if I felt better he knows I would be right down there. It just bothers me that here I am sick and he doesnt seem so concerned...thanks for relieving some of my guilt i'm feeling by ignoring his calls. 

[maxinmotion]

Cateyes1, thank you so much for being so nice to your older neighbor. I love older people and I too would do anything for them. I worked in a nursing home for years and loved it. When we care about people especially older people, it seems like human nature to feel guilty if you can't do what you have always done for them. It is nothing to feel guilty about if you can't do or don't feel like doing. You just have to communicate that to them. You said "i'll see what I can do". You have to remember that this is an older man that seems to have no one. So if he latches on to someone they are going to be his joy, and most of all hope it happened to be you. I understand that you were sick with a cold. You have to explain that to him in a way that he would understand that you can't assist him until you feel better. When you told him that you would see what you could do, you were really telling him in his thought pattern that you will fix something but you din't know what you will fix".

Now if you are still ignoring his calls, just answer the phone and explain what is going on with you and your cold. He may have a lot of reasons why he is so needy right now. Please don't feel guilty you don't owe him anything you have already gone above and beyond you goodness. Don't give up on him; just communicate with him and don't be to shy to say how you feel, well it depends on how you really feel. All in all just communicate with him
and suggest to him that local churches can help him with food so that the strain want be totally on you.

I would tell him and be clear, that I have a very bad cold and don't feel like getting out of bed. In a couple of days I will call you and let you know how I feel. 

[cody0608]

What a kind hearted person you are.  Of course you feel bad for the man, but there comes a point where you have to take care of yourself and your needs first.  Next time he calls I would just tell him that you are too sick to bring him a sandwich that day...maybe find the phone number for senior help in your area and give it to him.  At least you know you are giving him the resources to get himself help.  Maybe then you could even follow up with him and see if he got the help he needed or even offer to help him to get the help he needs.   

[dreamyxo]

Tell him to give you the money to buy the stuff to make sandwiches and the next time you go grocery shopping you will get him a months supply so he doesn't keep calling you bugging you every day.  Does he have any family that he can depend on.  If so talk to them and tell them what's going on.  Don't feel guilty it's not your responsibility to take care of him.  Unless he has some severe health problems 61 is not that old that he can't do for himself.

[southernhorizons]

I think you've been doing the right thing, but now that you are sick, you have to let him know clearly that you are too sick to come down. Ask him if you can call someone to help him, maybe Meals on wheels if you have that in your area. If he's really sincere and needs help, he'll understand, and be grateful for you at least offering to call. Maybe you could order from a pizza place or something not too expensive, and have them delive a meal to him? Does he have any money that he could pay for it when they deliver it?
The best course is to be honest with him, and don't give in if you're really sick.

[dwiley11]

contact his reletives

[atvgirl1]

That is nice of you to take him down some sandwiches.  You may try talking to him to see if there is a further problem.  I know alot of older people can't afford medicine and food if this is the case you may be able to assist him with peanut butter and bread to make his own sandwich or get him assistance with the local food bank or sometimes people are lonley maybe you can find out his situation and that may help in further days to come.

[noirlupe]

Cateyes.  I think what he wants more than the sandwich is someone to talk to, to be friends.  I have been to several nursing homes and some people there never get visitors and they are so very lonely.  Yes you feel like you are being used but look at it that he is just lonely and you showed him how kind and friendly you really are.

[BK_Adores_Chase]

oh my gosh ,I am such a softy, I would say yes, but try to see if he has any family that you can call and say..hey, there's a problem here, step in, and if they won't, maybe you can contact and somehow get this guy some nurse help, etc...although it's very nice of you, it's not really your responsibility, although it's very nice of you and we need more people to help in this world...but especially if it's not in your budget to do such a thing, then what can you do?  I nkow it's also not your responsibility to call his family, etc, but it will help you out and make you feel good and it is the right thing to do.

[dmahoney]

I am glad you are being kind to your neighbor. Let me give you some info about chronic fatigue tho. When you have this disease, you have your good days and your bad days. This may be why you see him out and about some days. Just because you have this disease doesnt mean that you are in bed 24/7. It does mean that you tire very easily and suffer from exhausten often. You also have body pain. Just thought Id give you a little info. Again thanks for being kind, but dont youself be taken advantage of either. If you cant do something, then tell this person so.

[bearjake]

He is taking advantage of your kindness. You need to give him the number to Meals On Wheels.

[SherylsShado]

Awww...I want someone to bring me some sammies and chips when I'm too tired to cook...

[kapeh12]

I commend you for helping out your neighbor.  It would be a better world if more people looked out for their neighbors similarly.  When I lived in an apartment, I frequently helped out my neighbors, but also learned there are various types of recipients of your good will. 

My one neighbor was genuine - she was on social security and if her check was late or some unexpected expense came up, she would ask for some money for food to tide her over.  She always paid me back eventually, so I never cared about when she paid me back, as long as she had what she needed, I was good.

I had another neighbor who also asked for money - first for food, and failed to pay it back, then for "food" meaning "cigarettes/boose" or even "gas for her friend" - when I learned about that, I cut her off.  Then it was to borrow my phone because theirs was broken.  I said for emergencies, no problem - but it quickly turned into several times every night just to talk with friends or kids asking her what was for dinner.  In this extreme case, she was completely taking advantage of my good nature, so I had to lay down the boundaries and learn to say "no" a lot to her.  I did assist a couple times after I set the boundaries when there were true emergencies, but she needed to know the "everyday" stuff was no longer acceptable behavior.

I'm guessing your neighbor falls somewhere in between.  As others have suggested, just be honest with him about being sick and not being able to bring him sandwiches.  Don't feel guilty, you need to take care of yourself first before you can help others.  Then maybe offer to buy him some sandwich supplies on your next grocery run so he doesn't have to ask.  If he lives alone, maybe another reason he's asking is he feels a bit lonely and by asking you for sandwiches, you are easing his loneliness - if you think this may be part of it, maybe take some time to just stop by and talk with him on occasion.  Only you can tell if this is a situation where he's trying to take advantage of you, or is really seeking assistance or looking for some companionship.

Hope you feel better soon!