Do you tell or stay out of it?

[ebmiller2010]

Your best friends husband is cheating with an ex.....you know the ex too, do you get involved?

[diamondpi]

I honestly would get involved because clearly the guy isn't interested anymore since he is off cheating with someone he was supposed to be over. Be a good friend...but tell the best friend gently haahaha

[cloudsoup]

i'm sorry, did you use the term "best friend" ?

i'll say one thing only: if my own best friend didn't tell
me that my husband was cheating on me, i would be losing
TWO special people in my life, not just one.

[falcon9]

i'll say one thing only: if my own best friend didn't tell
me that my husband was cheating on me, i would be losing
TWO special people in my life, not just one.

Since it's none of the friend's business, such would place an unfair onus upon the friend and what kind of friend of theirs would you be?

[ebmiller2010]

I should have added, this isn't the first time and when i took the proof to her the first time she forgave him......and didn't speak to me for 6 months! I expected that, but how many times before you just let them figure it out on their own!

[sherryinutah]

Your friend needs to find out in her own time and in her own way.  It's best for you to allow everyone to have their own experience without you being involved. 

It might be that she already knows but she's in denial.  It might be that she's willing to accept the bad because she wants him even if he is a cheater. 

It isn't your responsibility to fix it. 

Just be there for her so she has a shoulder to cry on when she's ready to accept the fact that she's been betrayed.

 

[ajami]

I would stay out of it and let them work it.  The truth always comes out.

[acurtsinger2]

i stay out of it, the bearer of bad news usually gets the blame and it creates a bad situation all around

[tantricia44]

ebmiller2010 ~ Even if, your friend got mad at you the first time, if she's my bf then I would tell about the 2nd incident. Even, if she gets mad at you again. Whatever her reaction she'll figure it out & forgive you. I would want my bf to tell me if my man was cheating on me no matter how much it hurts. It's not just the infidelity alone, that's heart breaking but, also the health of the friend being cheated on. I don't care if it's a ex or a *bleep*, he picked up. I want to know what he did b/c there's no way I'll have sex w/him ever if he did! I've seen many cases of infidelity in which the cheating spouse brings something else into the marriage bed. The spouse that is cheated on gets a virus that the cheater picked up on his/her cheating romp. I saw in one of the talk shows, the cheating husband give his poor wife HIV! So, yes for the safety of your friend's health, I would continue to inform her of the cheating husband until she finally admits to herself the truth.

[diala84]

I'm friends with my best friend first. I give priority to telling the best friend the truth as long as I know for a fact that the husband was really cheating rather than just a hunch. You better be sure before you accuse someone of that because your words can't be taken back and they can hurt all the people involved if they aren't true.

[articx]

I should have added, this isn't the first time and when i took the proof to her the first time she forgave him......and didn't speak to me for 6 months! I expected that, but how many times before you just let them figure it out on their own!

If your friend refused to listen to you, then you probably should let her find out on her own.

[jzmom]

If it was my best friend, I would tell her.  I would take the chance of her getting mad at me.  I rather her be mad at me for telling her than her
finding out later that I knew and didn't tell. 

[cmay1951]

Your best friends husband is cheating with an ex.....you know the ex too, do you get involved?

it seems to me that no matter what you do or say, you are not going to be received very well.  I think I would ask myself would I want to know?  if it was my spouse doing the cheating.  I have seen it go both ways and it's never a good ending.

[samrhett2]

Your friend needs to find out in her own time and in her own way.  It's best for you to allow everyone to have their own experience without you being involved. 

It might be that she already knows but she's in denial.  It might be that she's willing to accept the bad because she wants him even if he is a cheater. 

It isn't your responsibility to fix it. 

Just be there for her so she has a shoulder to cry on when she's ready to accept the fact that she's been betrayed.

 

I think this is excellent advice.  You would be surprised how many people are in denial about this kind of thing.  You might even tell her and she won't believe you and then she will drop you as a friends.

Also, in any thing like this I always ask myself, "What is my motive in telling this person this bad news?"  Is it to get back at someone else?  Is it to hurt anyone.  That helps guide me.  I need to check my motives and make sure they are not self-serving in some way.

[dreamyxo]

Maybe send an anonymous letter.