MY FIANCE WANTS ME TO GET A FULL TIME JOB

[BK_Adores_Chase]

I have to get my feelings out and I don't really have anyone to talk -- I like to keep my relationship issues from family and friends.  So my fiance and I have 2 kids, 3 year and a 9 month old...I work nights and weekends, about 25 hours a week as a cashier...he works 40+ hours a week at his job powdercoating.  He is always complaining that I won't get a job (I have a medical administrative assistant degree) but I feel like I really want to spend time with my kids because they are only young once.  I feel kinda bad because my fiance pays the majority of the bills - I only pay for groceries and car insurance...but I'm happy with my life, I like my job and I like my living situation...he wants to go to school but says he can't because he has a full time job and doesn't have time for school...when I was going to school I had 3 jobs and still took care of the house.  If I could do it I feel like he can do it too...I'm not saying it will be easy but I'm saying it's possible.  I have no intentions of getting a job until my kids are teens...I feel I made a mistake going to school because although maa is my dream job, I know my degree will be crap by the time I'm ready for that job and I will probably have to go back to school...as long as I have a roof over my head and food on the table I am happy with the way things are...my job pays $8.71 an hour and I'm getting a raise in April...We get success sharing and also small bonuses for certain things...

[trucktina]

Did you and your fiancee talk about how finances would be handled before you got engaged? Did you talk about whether you'd keep working part-time until your kids were teens? The problem is, regardless of the answers to these questions, the economy is truly bad. You may have to bite the bullet and change your "ideal" plan of always working part-time. Sacrificing for your family like this will only make your future marriage stronger. Best of luck to you!

[gafee2001]

Did you and your fiancee talk about how finances would be handled before you got engaged? Did you talk about whether you'd keep working part-time until your kids were teens?

This sounds like an important discussion to have. The issue is that both of you have your "wants/needs" and aren't communicating them to the other. You want to stay with your kids, but in exchange you're becoming a burden on your fiance. Would you guys be able to continue your lifestyle if he no longer worked as long or at all in exchange for going to school? I think on your 8.71 X 25hrs = ~$217. PRETAX dollars income the answer is going to be no. This is simply not strategic.

By relying on him, you're also stopping his dream. He can't go off to school because he needs to support you and his kids. I'd really think about how your choices are affecting each of you in going forward into life.

[BK_Adores_Chase]

you guys are awesome those answers are both amazing and give me a lot to think about...but also, if I get a full time job, I feel like...okay, so if I work 35 hours a week at $9 (thats the starting pay with my degree) I have to think about day care for both my kids...i'd say that would bring me to $4 an hour (if day care is $5 an hour for both kids)...that brings me to .... $140, which is less than I make working part time at my other job because I work when my fiance is home...so not only am I working more and seeing my kids less, but I'm making less money.  It just doesn't make sense to me.

[sarabtrayior]

Were you working full time when you met your fiance? If not, tell him you will go back to work when the kids are teenagers, you'll have to pay too much to others if you go back full time... did he think of that?

[awette26]

Thats a really difficult situation. I know how you feel i am a woman and i dont rhink i could leave my kids too for a long time or a full time job at this age. But the thing is the economy is really bad and its really difficult for one person to support the whole family. But what you could do is maybe open a daycare in your house. That way you would have some income and still stay with your kids. Godd luck

[dreamyxo]

Are you having a hard time paying bills?  He might want you to pick up a little more slack.  Does he realize the costs of daycare?  Call around to a few places in your area and find out how much it would cost for two kids then break down the numbers to him.  If it's going to cost more money to get a full time vs daycare costs he needs to see the numbers.  Make your case as to why it's better for you to work part time now.  In the mean time see if you can start your own home business like the other poster suggested.  You can have the best of both worlds you can stay home with the kids and bring in more money.

[springsgardner]

Do what you want with this: I think that it is best for the kids to have a mom or a dad home with them, especially in their early years, whenever possible. I think that the kids learn important things from their parents. I don't know how much you'd make in your field or how much decent, reliable day care costs in your area. But, in my situation, I worked in the education field. I would have paid to work by the time I had day care for 2 kids, paid for eating out because I was too tired and busy to do the cooking at home, having 2 wardrobes (professional one for work and casual one for home- you probably have some sort of uniform as a cashier that you don't have to provide or just a few outfits that meet their standards) instead of just one (for home), car maintenance, etc. If you're working part time, when your fiance is at home, you could use his car to get to work if yours breaks down, and visa versa.

[abdyer2001]

Sounds like you might be happy with the set up, but he isnt.. Time To talk TO eachother

[BK_Adores_Chase]

Are you having a hard time paying bills?  He might want you to pick up a little more slack.  Does he realize the costs of daycare?  Call around to a few places in your area and find out how much it would cost for two kids then break down the numbers to him.  If it's going to cost more money to get a full time vs daycare costs he needs to see the numbers.  Make your case as to why it's better for you to work part time now.  In the mean time see if you can start your own home business like the other poster suggested.  You can have the best of both worlds you can stay home with the kids and bring in more money.

all good ideas, oh yeah, did I mention my fiance and I share a vehicle, so that would only add to the maddness - yeah I was actually thinking to call around and show him the numbers, maybe next time he brings it up I'll do just that.  Well, I have never had a full time job but I did have 3 part time jobs at once while attneding school full time as well, and that's when my fiance's dad would watch my son (I only had one child at the time) but I ALWAYS felt guilty his dad would watch our son everyday for hours upon hours -- and besides that would never work now because his dad is employed...back then he wasn't

[Storm61115]

my fiance wants me to get a full time job too. i was offered one but with my medical issues at that time prevented me from taking it. i watch 5 kids part time and that is bringing in extra money so it is helping out.

[lgemini]

If you are not able to work with each other, you may not stay together longer.  One wants to grow and the other does not want to.  Being a mom is a wonderful thing, but now is the best time to go back to school.  You will pay more money as your kids gets older.  Please talk to each other.
 

[abdyer2001]

my fiance wants me to get a full time job too. i was offered one but with my medical issues at that time prevented me from taking it. i watch 5 kids part time and that is bringing in extra money so it is helping out.

[gafee2001]

Did you think about how not building experience will cause you to remain at stagnant pay over the next x years? As those who build experience continue to move up in salary you'll be staying within some deviation from minimum wage. That might be working now, but you'll likely find that it doesn't work in the future. You also miss out on a lot of positive things like contributing to a 401k with an employer match, building pertinent professional experience, and contributing to your family's long term investment strategy (outside of retirement).

What's your retirement savings look like? Will it get you enough to pay yourself a decent salary per year in order to do the things you want to do?

[ladavia89]

I'm sorry but that sounds kinda selfish. You're thinking about want you want to do over actual needs. You want to only work part time. You want to be continue doing this for the next 12 years or so. You're not all all considering what your finance and family needs. He needs you to work more so that your family won't struggle. He needs you to work more so he  can get a better education so he can get a better job. Your kids need for both of you to have  better jobs so they'll have a better life in the future. You need to stop letting your degree go to waste especially if you claim it's your dream job.

You need to talk to your finance about what your family needs instead of thinking about what you want.