I don't want him to think it's acceptable

[BK_Adores_Chase]

my boyfriend is really manipulative I'd say he's the best in the world at it which sucks for me but I've finally decided that I'm in charge of my feelings and my life and if he wants to be an a hole to me I'm still going to be happy and just ignore his negative behavior.  BUT after all of his foul behavior I don't want him to think it's acceptable just because I ignore him.  Do you think he will get this impression?

[jordandog]

The problem I see with you walking away and ignoring him is this. Most people who are manipulative are also passive/aggressive, the two seem to go hand in hand, and most of them will take your reaction to mean you accept the 'place' they put you into and you are backing down because you realize they are right and have the upper hand. I'm fairly sure after you do this to him a few times, he will ask you what's going on with YOU (lol) and you may need to tell him it is NOT because he has broken you down, it is because you refuse to feed into HIS behaviour.

I hope this made some sense. I lived that way for far too many years and I did exactly what you are doing, I ignored it, but also told him it was NOT acceptable. He never did get it, but I did get a divorce. Life is tough enough at times without a partner also trying to pull you down.

[BK_Adores_Chase]

I know -- I mean I think he cares about me but then again why would you do that to someone you care about?  Like all day yesterday I tried to ignore his behavior and stay positive but IT'S SO DIFFICULT, especially when he says "why are you so grumpy" when in my mind I'm not and then when I was putting our baby in the car he yelled at me for letting our 3 year old run out in front of a car....It took everything for me to keep my mouth shut.  He was right there pushing the cart to the cart coral (spelling?) so I assumed he was watching our son.  I am so drained from taking care of the kids all day and then when he gets out of work I have to deal with him, and he doesn't help me with anything so I never have time for myself and I can never get anything done.  yesterday he complained because the coffee tasted like *bleep*, the lunch was fit for a little boy, and the stew I made for dinner was something I supposidly knew he wouldn't eat...how ungreatful!!!!

[BK_Adores_Chase]

And last night he was also yelling at me because of a plate of food on the floor that he put his foot in asking me why I always put my plates on the floor.  It wasn't even my plate of food, and anyways I never put my plates on the floor, it was him.  But I am so sick and tired of "I'm right, no I'm right" arguments that I just said sorry.  All we ever do is argue about who's right and I'm done, the other day I was so upset over one of those that I actually broke a chair and a tile in our kitchen (we won't get into that) but look how worked up I get over something so stupid because I'm just so sick of him winning and always having control over me.  You know, I think I'm boring and no fun and I'm wondering if it's because it's true or if over the past 5 years he's beat it into my head to believe it's true...

[mrisha]

my boyfriend is really manipulative I'd say he's the best in the world at it which sucks for me but I've finally decided that I'm in charge of my feelings and my life and if he wants to be an a hole to me I'm still going to be happy and just ignore his negative behavior.  BUT after all of his foul behavior I don't want him to think it's acceptable just because I ignore him.  Do you think he will get this impression?

Your boyfriend is who he is and its only going to get worse because you don't say anything.  Because of that he feels that you condone his actions.  Why do you stay and put up with someone manipulating you like that along with his foul behavior.  Don't you feel that you deserve better or is it because you can't be without a man or masochistic?

[BK_Adores_Chase]

I don't know...

[dreamyxo]

His behavior is not going to change unless he has a reason to.  Have it out with him once and for all.  Pick a time when both of you are calm and express all your concerns about what's going on in the relationship.  If you have to write him a letter and let him read it and let him know you want to schedule a time to talk about how both of you feel.  Don't hold things in and let it keep festering it will only get worse.  I'm sure he has some issues about you too so don't turn it into it's all his fault.  If he feels like he is being attacked it might make things worse. 

[drpybutt]

Highly doubt it. Was married to a gut for 10 years and did the same thing and never got the hint

[LenoraMinogue]

He isn't going to change unless you talk to him about it, and tell him it's unacceptable. Even then, depending on what his behavior is, he may not be willing to change or admit he even needs to change. Ignoring him isn't likely to really help the situation in the long run. Good luck!

[jordandog]

BK, What you wrote here is a huge part of the 'problem':

I know -- I mean I think he cares about me but then again why would you do that to someone you care about?

If you really think about it most, if not all, people in a relationship or marriage push each other's buttons and test the other person's limits. Why? My take on this is because we figure the people closest to us will take much more 'abuse' simply because they are family and will never walk away from us. Think about it. Would he ever treat the people he works with/for or his friends like this? No, I doubt it because they will either fire him or tell him to stay the heck away, they will NOT put up with it.

[acurtsinger2]

i choose to ignore bad behavior and most of the time it has been the right thing to do..however, i have come across a few who will even do it more to get a rise out of you

[Valerie1979]

you need to get out of this relationship before it's even harder to do so.  You should not feel this way constantly

[crigal]

I think you can do alot better than some a hole.  It appears to me he only thinks of himself.  Move on.