Men = Respect Women = Love

[ULuvCeCe]

At my MOPS group yesterday our speaker was the pastor, now I do not go to this church and I liked how he was trying to preach but one area kinda of bothered me. He said Women want Love, Men want Respect and then he went on to say that it's our job as women to respect men.

Now this isn't the 50's I understand that everyone should respect one another but he almost made it sound subordinate. In my opinion, if I'm not being respected by another male or female for that matter, do they really deserve my respect in return?  What do you guys think?

[NCboy98]

Nope 

[Abrupt]

I am sort of undecided on this as I can only see it from my perspective.  It might be okay if he said that it is man's job to provide the same degree of dedication with love towards women.  Love is greater than respect and means (to me) living for the other.  A man is going to make mistakes and it seems we are designed to act, and on occasion foolishly and rashly.  We don't like sympathy and can turn into silly little kids when we fumble and get sympathy -- respect though for the reasons behind our mistakes (assuming they were valid to our obligations of love) tempers us and provides us with a challenge to which we can improve upon.

As a man I do like respect (innate vanity maybe, I don't know).  Respect from another towards me doesn't make the other a subordinate of mine as it actually forces me to honor and prove myself worthy of that respect.  In many ways it makes me the subordinate.  There are some of low quality that are not deserving of respect though and you usually know who they are regardless of the lies you tell yourselves (when emotion is involved).

So to summarize, and from the point of view as a man, I would not think a trade of respect for love would be a bad trade.  (note:  Ladies, please do not rip on me too bad if what I said is offensive as I am just an idiot man after all so what do I know).

[AISHASHOFUL]

I know that at first glance that it may seem that what he said might seem like an old christian man trying to tell women that we should be good subordinate little women. What I think he is trying to say is to give the spouse what they need. When he says that men want respect and women want love, I think he is trying to say that is what each gender values a bit more. Now I for one do not think that is necessarily true . Yes men love to be respected and women love to be loved but one over the other I am not quite sure. I for, as a woman am not sure. I do enjoy being respected greatly but am not sure what it feels like to be loved so I want some of that too. But right now I don't enjoy one over the other.

So anyways I think he is trying to tell us to be privy to our spouse's need.

[lorettahknox]

I think the pastor meant well but I don't think men want respect that way. My experience has taught me that what men want is to be appreciated and admired for their abilities and the sacrifices they make for their women and children and for the community. The respect comes because of his behavior. I understand what you mean and a woman should never allow herself to be demeaned by anyone. If you left him feeling defensive he is misunderstanding and mis-communicating the concepts he is teaching. God has meant for His children both male and female to be cherished and loved. When you are properly loved you experience a mutual nurturing that makes you both feel confident and secure. When a man fulfills his duty to you as a woman respect will be the natural result he won't have to force it out of you. I'm sorry to say this but some men are misguided about how to treat women and they want to make that your fault. It's not, they are too stubborn to listen to a woman's needs and they get frustrated when women don't respond the way they want them too. That's when the chest pounding and demands begins. Just be happy and follow your heart. 

[ULuvCeCe]

@Abrupt thank you for your detailed and thoughtful reply, no offense taken

@Loretta one thing you said "When a man fulfills his duty to you as a woman respect will be the natural result" is another thing I was thinking alongside what he was saying. And to an extent I think women can play this in any scenario, husband comes home from work sits on the couch that's the extent of his help around the house and the woman is pissy the rest of the night. Or husband comes home from work, does the dishes and the woman is much more happier and loving towards him. So although I know it is everyones responsibility to do unto others as you want done unto you, it seems in a lot of ways if men just did x women would do x.

[queenofnines]

Now this isn't the 50's I understand that everyone should respect one another but he almost made it sound subordinate.

From a completely non-religious perspective, men and women are wired differently and require different things.  If you read the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, it will provide some good insight.

From the religious perspective, yes, women are supposed to be subservient to men in the Christian food chain.  Which should be all the reason to wave your  flag proud.

[Barbaralynne]

I think respect is part of love- not  a substitute for it- I feel sorry for this man,and the women in his life.

[angsilva2000]

Men rarely respect women these days.

[articx]

Men rarely respect women these days.

Some do, some do not.