Need Some Relationship Advice

[froggylover227]

Ok. So I've been married for two years now, and my sister has only been married for one. My sister is already pregnant with her first child, and the topic of having a child is very "iffy" in my relationship. I've wanted a baby for a long time, and we've briefly mentioned it to each other, but no real plans have been made. When it comes up for discussion, my husband tends to play it off as if I'm jealous of my sister or something. He's totally wrong. I'm very happy for her. But being that we've been married for two years already, I'd like to start planning my future as it pertains to having a baby. Just recently I asked him, yet again, what his thoughts on the situation are, and he says "it's confusing". I love hime very much, and want a future with him, but at this point, I'm becoming impatient and I won't wait around forever. What do you think? Do you think I'm being to harsh or pushy? Or do you think it's a guy thing? What do you recommend I do about this situation? Just to make it clear, he is certainly not homosexual, so that is not a valid reason for him to be "confused" about having kids. 

[asalvato]

Many factors are important.

You could just be in different places in life..  He may not ready to be a father, even though you're more than ready for motherhood.
If you're not too old, you could wait a couple years and he may change his mind.
That might be the main factor..

[dreamyxo]

I think you should have discussed all this before getting married. 

[froggylover227]

I think you should have discussed all this before getting married. 

Well see, before we got married, we did discuss it. And back then, he was perfectly fine with it. Probably because at that time I wasn't serious. But I guess because now I'm serious about it, he's freaking out.

[dreamyxo]

I think you should have discussed all this before getting married.  

Well see, before we got married, we did discuss it. And back then, he was perfectly fine with it. Probably because at that time I wasn't serious. But I guess because now I'm serious about it, he's freaking out.

Ok that's good but people change their minds and they have every right to but when it comes to something as important as this they need to communicate with their partner regularly.  He might have seemed "fine" with it because he just wanted to please you.  If you can afford to wait I would back off a little and don't bring up the topic every day.  He may feel like you are nagging him and that will only push him away further.  Maybe you could say ok three months from now I want to have a serious discussion about this topic and we really need to sit down and start planning this.  

Maybe he feels overwhelmed about the responsibility which is understandable.  If you have a clear plan about how this is going to be handled then he might feel less stressed.  Use that time to start saving, think about daycare, how are responsibilities going to be divided up, schedules etc.  Some people like to plan things more than others.   Find out what his fears and expectations are.  

[avld2390]

how old are you anyhoww...im not married but i have a child...i am blessed...but i was not ready...i thought i was but i wasnt...having all the baby's stuff like cloths diapers blah blah before i had him that was not ready enough..ya kno...you are never prepared for the motherhood part...what comes with it...what happens to your mind body and sleep and everything your freedom..even sex your home nothing will ever be the same i promise you will adjust to it but it takes sometime for me it did atleast...i was a party girl...and i never ever thought i would get prego...well i have a 16 month old who proves tht theory wrong..lol...im not trying to scare you outta of it....im jus saying think really really hard...and just cause you had it easy with someone elses baby or kid thats because it wasnt yours..lol...dont get me wrong i love love love my son...thats not the point...i just WAS not expecting what came along wit being a mommy...but good luck and wishes...

[Cuppycake]

You need to just have a flat-out out conversation about if he ever wants kids or not. It sounds like he doesn't. Maybe you should make future plans to borrow your sister's baby for a day and have him help out with the baby and see how that goes.  Honestly though if he doesn't want kids he needs to come clean about it. It isn't fair to you for him to make the choice for you.

[blondie71]

I don't know how old you are but having children needs to be mutural between you and your husband.  You may want to give him a little more time you have only been married two years and maybe he wants to have you alone before you start having a family.  My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 10 years and now I reaching 40 this month and we have not be successful but I did have a son before I was married my husband so he got to be a step dad but I don't think its the same.  My advice is to give him  some time to think about it and get use to the idea and if you truely love him you will give him the time he needs to think or get use to the idea of being a father.  Good luck to you and your husband.

[queenofnines]

It's not a "guy" thing...plenty of women don't want kids, either.  Having a kid is a HUGE life-changing decision that will completely alter your finances, freedom, relationship with your hubby, your body, your sanity, etc...often times for the worst.  It has been said that 90% of couples experience a decrease in marital satisfaction after having kids.  So...you definitely don't want to push someone who doesn't want kids into having them.

If I were you, I'd really think about if having a kids right now is the best thing for your marriage and your life.  Make sure you have plenty of hours under your belt watching other people's kids so you know want you're in for (you might change your mind about having them after seeing what a grind it is).

[lannl]

I think it's good to be careful and wise about having a child. That is a huge responsibility. Does your husband feel secure about his position in life. i guess you will have to talk to him about why he feels hesitant.

[smy0850]

Maybe he feels like you guys are not financially ready to have kids. I don't know how old you are or what your financial situation is but I do know there's never a perfect time to have kids. You want to try and have kids before 40 when potential things can happen like down syndrome.

[keauhou]

Take this advice from someone who knows 2 ladies that got deserted with children by their hubbies-never have a child unless he's gung ho for it! You'll have to decide to stay and be childless or find someone eager for kids.

[TaintedLust]

Ok. So I've been married for two years now, and my sister has only been married for one. My sister is already pregnant with her first child, and the topic of having a child is very "iffy" in my relationship. I've wanted a baby for a long time, and we've briefly mentioned it to each other, but no real plans have been made. When it comes up for discussion, my husband tends to play it off as if I'm jealous of my sister or something. He's totally wrong. I'm very happy for her. But being that we've been married for two years already, I'd like to start planning my future as it pertains to having a baby. Just recently I asked him, yet again, what his thoughts on the situation are, and he says "it's confusing". I love hime very much, and want a future with him, but at this point, I'm becoming impatient and I won't wait around forever. What do you think? Do you think I'm being to harsh or pushy? Or do you think it's a guy thing? What do you recommend I do about this situation? Just to make it clear, he is certainly not homosexual, so that is not a valid reason for him to be "confused" about having kids. 

my boyfriend and I were In that same situation and I pushed the whole baby thing. I feel bad now about It but lucky for me he didn't run at the mention of kids. We let nature take It's course although now that we have an almost 2 year old daughter, we do wish It had happened a bit later due to finances and things. My boyfriend Is the kind of guy who would work 3 jobs just to make sure myself and his daughter are taken care of. Having a baby before we get married ( someday lol ) puts a lot of pressure on him. I would do what I did, let nature take It's course. If you push him too much he may decide he never wants kids.