Smart *bleep* answers

[marieelissa]

Smart *bleep* Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
Smart *bleep* Answer #4:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Smart *bleep* Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smart *bleep* Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles, Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,"Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Smart *bleep* Answer #1:
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart *bleep* guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

[dwickizer]

  I really needed a good laugh today fter all that has happened this week! Thanks! Hoping to see more of these sometime!

[angsilva2000]

wow some flight attendance need manners

[DarkMistress]

Nice, thank you for this, a couple of them made me laugh, but the #1, with the teacher was really funny, I am still laughing now.

[jongarton]

Well i guess that teacher new her student quite a bit better than we all expected... the only thing i could think would be a better come back for that would be - you know sexual exhaustion has to have a place to be bred from first so ur holding counsel without an actual excuse...

[mom2taz]

Now that's funny!!  I love giving smartass answers,,,but my brain doesn't always function fast enough to come up with them when I need them. 
Thanks for the laugh.!!   

[vicogden]

Now that's my kind of teacher!  I like to see "smart asses" get a dose of their own medicine.  Good jokes; thanks for the laughs.