Divorces - Why?

[anubabs]

Personally i think people get divorced because they the not anticipate or plan for the "real life" after the honey moon period. no matter how long you've been engaged or dating a person, everything changes after marriage because one person's decisions will always affect the other. and sometimes some married couple dont think of that.

[ppv2]

There are numerous reasons why people get divorced.  Honesty, openness, trust and good communication are the essential keys to building a lasting and successful marriage.

[jaymz462]

Speaking from experience...people change.

[ddnbb88]

I don't understand why divorce even exists. Imagine having a brother or sister, or daughter or son. Can you imagine falling out of love with them? So why would you fall out of love with the love of your life. The one you chose to spend the rest of your life with. That still boggles my mind how some men or women can go out and cheat on their significant other because all of a sudden they just fell out of love with their spouse. It's upsetting. I hope it doesn't happen to me either. My husband and I have been together for 7 years. 4 years of dating. 3 years married. I agree that everyone undergoes certain changes but if there's a problem it should be talked about.

i dont understand why you dont understand why divorce exsists. it exsists because sometimes people change and grow apart and just dont get along and arent happy. i love my husband deeply but we have grown apart A LOT not mention that we argue nonstop. so should the both pf us have to stay married when we truly are no longer happy together. my point is we should have waited and i think a lot of people marry without thinking things through long term much like i did and now i regret it because i wasnt thinking rationlly i just was in love and didnt think that this could happen but after we got married we realized how different we are. also what about women who are in abusive relationships should they stay with a man who beats them just becuz at one time they loved them. or what about women and men who are married to people who cheat should they just deal with someone who is unfaithful?

[cubarican210]

Well abuse is different. This talks about divorces. Of course, no one would want to stay with someone that's hitting them but unfortunately many women do because they're too scared to leave the relationship.

[trucktina]

ddnbb88, I bet things would be a lot clearer if you sought professional help for your depression. There are charity orgs. that will see you for $5. or free, so don't let cost be a barrier to feeling better.

I had a hard break up about a year ago, from a 2+ year relationship. Both of us had emotional issues, mental health issues, that we needed to deal with separately. Good luck to you!

[anubabs]

Speaking from experience...people change.

If people realy change do their values and believe also change?  I do agree that ppl change but they need to remember why they got married and remember the vows always.

[brown_clay]

there is no real answer to this i am currently going through seperation and god only knows i didn't want that i truely lov him even with his faults i think no one is perfect but he does and them people get into your business and start drama my sujestion to you is for the both of you not to listen to other people out there that like to cause problems they are unhappy with there life and don't like to see other people happy i hope it never happens to you because it is not a fun thing to go through and even when your seperated those people still still cause problems between you i wish you luck and lots of love

[tzs]

Actually - okay, so my fiance and I have been together for 5 years this July.  And right around the 4 year mark, which is where you said you are, I felt the SAME EXACT WAY.  Depressed, felt like I wanted to leave him, I even bought a book called, "If This is Love, Why am I Unhappy" which I never read and wish I didn't waste my money on.  Anyways, back to the point, it's weird that you and I felt the same way at the same point in the relationship.  I got over it, it lasted for a couple of months, and I don't know why it happened - but now I'm back to being madly in love for the past like couple of months and because of all we've been through I value our commitment and decided to marry him - well, not yet, but eventually

Are you a stay at home mom?? Get out of the house with your child, exercise, and get your mind off of this, or it will come right back again!

[travislang]

i think couples get divorced out lazyness, dont want to work things out, it is a shame...i do feel there are exeptions and needs divorce though....abuse(mental or physical or sexual), child molestation or abuse

[sandersdebt]

You are going thru what many people do. You both have changed, but everyone wants the other to be the same. You should 1. make sure you are not going thru depression ( see your doctor) 2. Go to marriage counseling, if your spouse will not go then go by yourself. You need someone - a pastor or a professional - to help you understand. I remember when my late husband and I were having trouble and I went to my mother (she asks questions, doesn't give answers), she started laughing. My father and her had gone thru the same thing when they were married a few years. She just asked questions and helped me clarify what was bothering me and then told me to go talk to my husband about it. I did and we had been married 33 years when he passed away. My parents have been married 59 1/2 years and still going. Do talk to your husband and do seek help.

[travislang]

i dont understand why you dont understand why divorce exsists. it exsists because sometimes people change and grow apart and just dont get along and arent happy. i love my husband deeply but we have grown apart A LOT not mention that we argue nonstop. so should the both pf us have to stay married when we truly are no longer happy together. my point is we should have waited and i think a lot of people marry without thinking things through long term much like i did and now i regret it because i wasnt thinking rationlly i just was in love and didnt think that this could happen but after we got married we realized how different we are. also what about women who are in abusive relationships should they stay with a man who beats them just becuz at one time they loved them. or what about women and men who are married to people who cheat should they just deal with someone who is unfaithful?
[/quote]


as i said before it is just lazyness, a marriage is sacred, yes there are problems the easy way to deal is divorce, so thats why people choose it,  my wife and i were married for 4 years now and argued had fights almost constant, allmost seperated 2 times, but we are making it work, go to counceling, trying to save the marriage, why we wont give in to the easy way out, we said our vows to death do us part, that is what you and everyone says as well i do believe, so why make such a vow if you have no intention on keeping the vows.   and also i do firmly believe also when safty is involved then yes leave...so if you getting abused then leave, if your child(ren) is in danger leave, but all others could and can be worked on or ok out, if not by therapy or counceling then between the 2 of you....

[ddnbb88]

as i said before it is just lazyness, a marriage is sacred, yes there are problems the easy way to deal is divorce, so thats why people choose it,  my wife and i were married for 4 years now and argued had fights almost constant, allmost seperated 2 times, but we are making it work, go to counceling, trying to save the marriage, why we wont give in to the easy way out, we said our vows to death do us part, that is what you and everyone says as well i do believe, so why make such a vow if you have no intention on keeping the vows.   and also i do firmly believe also when safty is involved then yes leave...so if you getting abused then leave, if your child(ren) is in danger leave, but all others could and can be worked on or ok out, if not by therapy or counceling then between the 2 of you....
[/quote]

i took the vows with every intention of keeping them and as of now divorce is not an option but its something we have talked about in the sense that we know we need to work things out before it goes that far....as i said we love each other....also there are other forms of abuse other then physical....mental and emotional abuse can be traumatizing....i went through all kinds of mental emotional and phsyical abuse before i had ever met my husband and when it old everyone i thought i was being mentally and emotionally abused and controlled everyone told me to work it out and i tried and then ended up getting really physically hurt....two people takes vows INTENDING TO KEEP THEM but sometimes no matter what it doesnt work.....such as one partner changing there mind about having kids or if one person cheats.....no one should have to stay with someone who is sleeping with another person because that VIOLATES THE VOWS YOU TOOK WHEN YOU GOT MARRIED. if they cant honor your vows by being faithful then why should you be forced to stay with them especially if they dont stop......

[ddnbb88]

ddnbb88, I bet things would be a lot clearer if you sought professional help for your depression. There are charity orgs. that will see you for $5. or free, so don't let cost be a barrier to feeling better.

I had a hard break up about a year ago, from a 2+ year relationship. Both of us had emotional issues, mental health issues, that we needed to deal with separately. Good luck to you!

i go to therapy once a week and i dont need charity its covered by my insurance....thanks anyways

[ddnbb88]

i think couples get divorced out lazyness, dont want to work things out, it is a shame...i do feel there are exeptions and needs divorce though....abuse(mental or physical or sexual), child molestation or abuse

i agree with you i think people should make every attempt to make it work becuz those vows are scared and thats why me and my husband are going to therapy and and trying to work it out and yes if abuse of any kind is involved that person should leave...but even if there isnt sometimes it just doesnt work out....like they end up wanting different things in life....my friend left her husband when he decided after 5 yrs of marriage that he no longer wanted to have kids and my friend wanted to kids so he left her.....