joke for today

[tigerlilly01]

I thought I would start the day with a "little" humor.



A boss asked one of his employees, "Do you believe in life after death?"

"Yes, sir," replied the new employee.

"I thought you would," said the boss. "Yesterday after you left to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you!"
 

[tjshorty]

  That's funny

[slawson123]

That was great! I know some good jokes, but they are all profane and something I don't think I should post. There is the all famous blonde jokes that everyone knows. I have tried to come up with a blond joke that I haven't heard of before, but I know them all. Does anyone have any new ones?

[heartofphila]

That's a good one.

[gesus]

ha lol that was funny i can really see a boss saying that to one of my co workers too thanks for the daily giggles

[cubarican210]

Thanks for posting it was funny. lol!

[slawson123]

Found a great one!

Two Statues
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift.
I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.

Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

[bowrunner]

Good one!!

[workmama]

I thought I would start the day with a "little" humor.



A boss asked one of his employees, "Do you believe in life after death?"

"Yes, sir," replied the new employee.

"I thought you would," said the boss. "Yesterday after you left to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you!"
 

I'm sorry, but I don't get it! 

[slawson123]

I thought I would start the day with a "little" humor.



A boss asked one of his employees, "Do you believe in life after death?"

"Yes, sir," replied the new employee.

"I thought you would," said the boss. "Yesterday after you left to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you!"
 

I'm sorry, but I don't get it! 

He lied to his boss telling him he was going to his grandma's funeral.,But she didn't die.

[nmaltais]

haaa

[mommagoes]

not sure where she got it from but my sister told me a hilarious joke the other day. its basically about a little boy who keep s teasing this little girl with htings he has saying that she can't have them because she's a girl but she runs in and tells her mom and she gets them anyway. i can not post the whole thing considering the punchline comes with reference private parts but basically a girl can always get whatever a boy has

[luvh8tragedy87]

haha, those were good. I particularly like the statue one. If statues could I'm sure that's what they all dream of doing.

[adg35]

Dirty Joke
Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"