All I need to know about life I learned from my therapist

[marieelissa]

You should feel guilty.
Of course you have to pay for missed appointments.
Quit complaining and get a cat.
If sex isn't dirty, you're doing it wrong.
You're not really ugly. You're just funny looking.
Reality. Try it!
Quit blaming your mother. It's your father's fault.
Learn to dread one day at a time.
If you're really happy, you must be in denial.
You're still having a lousy childhood. Get help!
Being happy isn't for everyone.
If you hear voices telling you to go to Hawaii, obey. Just don't think about it.
This is as good as it gets.
If your inner child robs a bank, it's you who will go to jail.
Before you start a 12-step program, be sure to see a podiatrist.
Sex is no problem. No sex is a problem.
Only hams get cured. Uh-huh.