Idiosyncrasies of english (joke)

[dwiley11]

1. one tequila, two tequila, three tequila..... floor.
 
2. atheism is a non-prophet organization.
 
3. if man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
 
4. the main reason that santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
 
5. i went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “where’s the self-help section?” she said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
 
6. what if there were no hypothetical questions?
 
7. if a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
 
8. if someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
 
9. is there another word for synonym?
 
10. where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
 
11. what do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
 
12. if a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
 
13. would a fly without wings be called a walk?
 
14. why do they lock gas station bathrooms? are they afraid someone will break in and clean them?
 
15. if a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
 
16. can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
 
17. if the police arrest a mute, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
 
18. why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?
 
19. how do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
 
20. what was the best thing before sliced bread?
 
21. one nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
 
22. does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
(this one took me a minute)
 
23. do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
 
24. how is it possible to have a civil war?
 
25. if one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
 
26. if you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
 
27. if you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
 
28. whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it?
 
29. why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids?”
 
30. why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
 
31. why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
 
32. if you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
 
33. can an atheist get insurance against acts of god?
 

[alina6]

I had not heard many of them before - very nice, thanks for sharing.

[vg7405]

I love items 29, 30, and 33. They had me cracking up, LOL.

[gaylasue]

Thanks for the daily chuckle!

[dwggs]

Thank you for making me laugh this morning.

This is exactly what I think every time I go to the drive thru ATM
18. why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?

[jkhanson]

This post was a great way to start my day off!  I laughed out loud at several of them and just downright chuckled at most of them! 

22 and 29 cracked me up!

[beatsdrop]

Lol, these were good.