i need help....anyone.....please

[msmoneybags48]

I am sorry that happened to you.  You felt that your marriage was secure (35 years is a long time to be married) and then you find this out.  Forgiving him is an option; you can forgive him but will never forget it.  I wouldn't suggest going as far as poisoning him in his dinner because you would be suspected if he dies.  Having been cheated on and found out the hard way, unless you depend on him for support, I would suggest setting up a plan of action and executing it.  I would learn to live without him.  Bit by bit, I would put some money to the side and when I felt I had enough, I would leave.

[short4love]

I know this is a hard situation, but in the long run you have to find your own answer to this situation. You have to try to deal with you emotions and then do what you feel is right in this situation. You will find your answers. Trust in yourself.

[gaylasue]

Have you considered the Lorena Bobbitt move??  She took care of her husband's cheating once and for all!

[sak4kat]

I agree with sherryinutah - if you are financially dependent on this person setting the relationship aside it would be good for you to regain some independence so you have a foundation to start anew if that's what you choose to do.  I was only married 12 years when I divorced for the first time - cheating, drugs, alcohol were all involved.  Pregnant with my 3rd child I decided I wasn't going to raise another in this environment.  They and I deserved better.  I just ran into a nurse who was married for 40+ years and she found out her husband had cheated on her with prostitutes most of there marriage.  She said they had a nice home, beautiful family, vacations every year and lived out the American dream.  All she ever wanted was him though...now nearing retirement she realized it didn't matter she would rather be alone than have the thought in the back of her mind of having to share him.  I hope you are able to come to a healthy decision for yourself.

[6265AT99]

After 35 years of marriage if your spouse is cheating, I would think you need to try to save your marriage.  Maybe counseling FOR BOTH OF YOU is the ticket, but he must be willing to go and so must you.  First I think you should sit down with him and a VERY LONG conversation, even tell him you know of his "cheating", ask him why and take it from there.  Marriage is A TWO-WAY STREET and both must want the same things - could be it just needs a little "spicing up" but you'll know when you start that conversation!!!  Good Luck!!!

[djohnson43]

I have told my husband in the past if he were to cheat on me that he would never see his girls again. I say this because when we were dating (Engaged and a couple months from our wedding) I had someone come to me and say she had just slept with my husband. I had just found out we were pregnant and having a girl. That pissed me off so bad. I did find out though that she was just jeluous that I had a great man and she didn't.
We have been together for almost 24 years now so I don't know how I would react after so much time put in to our lives. I do know that financially it would be a great strain on me.
Best of luck.

[countrygirl12]

I've been married for 35 years and my spouse recently cheated on me with as far as I know 2 different people
should I forgive and try to forget?  Poision his dinner?      get to a priest fast or a counselor      or run for the hills as fast as I can?

Well I would not poison him.  Uh, not after putting it on here anyway. lol.  Kind of rules out the accidental thing. :p

Idk.  Everyone is different.  I know a woman whose husband has cheated on her a ton of times but she has not left him.  I know others that if they cheat one time they leave.  I guess it would depend on first how you found out.  Did he tell you?  Is he sorry?  Has he said it will not happen again?  Do you love him?   I don't know.  If it were ME I would probably kick him to the curb.

[alaskakaren]

So sorry to hear that.  I really don't have the right advice because i think it may depend on each person and each situation.  I think you and your spouse have alot to talk about.  Good Luck.  Try and stay sane....it won't help an already bad situation.

[Lindaroof]

You must search within yourself for your answer. I honestly don't think you can expect good advice from complete strangers on this very heartbreaking experience. Only you know how you really feel and what you might expect or even accept for your future. 35 years is a long time, maybe your church can help you, good luck to you.

[skinnygwenny]

Do not do anything you will regret. Explore all of your options and come to a reasonable decision. 35 years is a long time to throw away but consider marriage counseling or a separation first.

[autumnsparklemom]

My father cheated on my mom their entire marriage - over 17 years. When I turned 16 - my mom and I moved in with my grandfather until she could support herself and me. Either try counseling or divorce. It is a difficult decision but the decision is ultimately yours.