Moral/Ethical VS Best for my Child...

[Tresbn00]

Let me preface this...I have been helping my son achieve his dream of being top-notch athlete since he was six.  He has become one of the best at his sport in a field of seventh/eight and ninth graders (he is going into eighth).  I have paid for personal trainers, put him into multiple leagues, and had him train with professionals in his sport.  People who don't know me have remarked about how good he is.  One of the ventures that I put him into is to meet in a tournament this weekend.  My son is there best bet at winning a few games and without him they probably won't win any.  Another team of elite players asked him to join them for this weekend.  Joining this team would be best for his goals but am I teaching him that letting your team down, for self gratification, is acceptable?

[falcon9]

Let me preface this...I have been helping my son achieve his dream of being top-notch athlete since he was six.  He has become one of the best at his sport in a field of seventh/eight and ninth graders (he is going into eighth).  I have paid for personal trainers, put him into multiple leagues, and had him train with professionals in his sport.  People who don't know me have remarked about how good he is.  One of the ventures that I put him into is to meet in a tournament this weekend.  My son is there best bet at winning a few games and without him they probably won't win any.  Another team of elite players asked him to join them for this weekend.  Joining this team would be best for his goals but am I teaching him that letting your team down, for self gratification, is acceptable?

IMO, this is his decison to make, rather than yours.  The most honorable thing he could decide would be to play for his team and have this previous commitment explained to the "elite team" manager, (perhaps leaving that open as a future consideration once pre-existing obligations are met?).  It's been my position since playing team sports earlier in life that such either inherently instill concepts of sportsmanship, honor/integrity or, they do not.  As suggested, this remains a choice to embrace or reject such concepts.

[erinelise2]

I agree with Falcon.  If it was my kid, I would strongly urge him to honor his commitment. Nothing wrong with letting the elite coach know that he would be more than happy to play for him next season.  The coach should respect that.

[dreamyxo]

My son is there best bet at winning a few games and without him they probably won't win any.

You really don't know this.  Maybe it would also be a lesson to his team that it's not all about one person.  If the "star player" is not there then maybe the other players need to learn to step up their game and they really can't rely on just one person to carry the whole team. 

[diala84]

Like others have said it is really your son's decision. I think it is important to keep his commitment to the team but if he decides to join the elite team that is his choice. Neither decision will ultimately change much in the long run. A team that is carried by one person really isn't a team, in fact if he leaves, his old team may have more chances to play and improve their performance than when he was around. Both decisions have pros and cons and it is just up to him to see the outcome of each decision.

[kapeh12]

As others indicated, this is a good life lesson for your son to think about and decide for himself.  Guide him in thinking about all the factors involved and possible consequences or opportunities arising from his decision.  There is his commitment to his team - if he chose the "elite" team, could he live with letting his teammates down (regardless of if they win or lose)..would the act of appearing to "dump" his team this once give him a negative stigma, would his current team's coach and fellow teammates understand what a great opportunity playing with the "elite" team is and be understanding and encourage him to take up the offer...

Is the offer to play on the "elite" team a one-time thing or on-going?  Is it an opportunity to sub for a regular player who was not able to make it?  If he chose do decline due to his prior commitment would this look favorable in the eyes of the elite team, that he's a committed player, and by not playing with them show character that they may ask him to play again in the future?  Would the team think negatively of him if he chose to honor his commitment, thinking he's not ambitious enough by not dropping his team - if so, is that really a team attitude he wants to play on?

There can be many more questions to ask - I was just brainstorming not knowing all the details you probably have.  Be his councilor in this situation, and support him in which ever decision he makes.

If he's as talented as you state, this is only the beginning of choices he's going to have to learn to make as he continues on in his career.