i need advise on nursing homes

[aggie49]

we are having to put my mom in a nursing home so if you have any information that could lead me to figure the best kind it will be appreciated i don't want to do this but my sisters do so we are at odds and i dont want to show it in front of my mom because she doesn't want to go

[Valerie1979]

this is a difficult situation and i am sorry about that -- never easy for a family and often splits kids, etc.

I would advise that you go and visit, ask to review last survey information -- search the CMS (medicare) website and compare quality scores of the nursing homes you are considering.  Build a strong relationship with the staff there and attend the family meetings, etc to keep informed about what is happenning in the care with your mother. 

I have worked in Long Term care for years and I can certainly appreciate how well things are when things are good but how bad things can be if it's bad.

Good luck! 

[Debj1951]

Your mom's doctor or a Social Worker can help you make the decision as to where to place your mom IE: the good homes verus the others.

I will have to be placing my brother in the near future (55 with Dementia) At least there will be no family complications over this as none of the other siblings are either able nor want to take on the resposiblity of him & the decision is mine & I will keep him at home as long as possible until he becomes a danger to himself or others. The advice given to me was to: of course talk to people you may know that has had experience with nursing homes, also just stop in to check out a few without making an appointment to talk to someone. That way you see the place as it really is, not just how they want you to see it. A few months ago I was told my brother needed placed right then, the Social Worker at the hospital gave me a list of homes, pointed her finger to one of the places & shook her head. Her way of letting me know that was not a good place. Legally, she can't tell me which are the good ones, & which are the bad ones. There were 11 places on the list, one very close to me - so 1 bad one out of 11, I thought was good.   Luckily, my brother snapped back and although he has his own apartment, we live in the same high rise & I am able to keep a close check on him & he was OK to come home after a switch in his medications.

Who is taking care of your mom now? Can't something  be worked out - like each taking a month of keeping her. I can sympathize with you not wanting to place her.
Good luck honey - I understand how hard this must be for you.

[loulizlee]

I can't give you any direct advice on nursing homes, but I agree with the other posts.  Do your homework - research, research, research.  If you do decide on a nursing home, make plenty of unannounced visits at different times of the day so you can see how your loved one is being treated.  Deciding on a nursing home is difficult, but I know how hard it is to be a care-giver, too.  I told my daughter if she ever had to make the decision, do not ever feel bad about choosing a nursing home for me.  Best of luck and God bless.

[aggie49]

i thank you all for your words of widsom this is just so hard especially when my mom says she doesn't want to go into the nursing home it breaks my heart but its not just my decision i have 2 sisters that want this to happen and if i could take care of her i would but with my own health being bad i don't think i could.  i'll let you all no what the outcome of this is again ty for your advise and words god bless

[thetotalfool]

I just want to say good luck!  And remember to monitor things regularly.  My family paid to put my grandmother in the nicest, best place they could afford, in the wealthy part of town.  The quality of care declined rapidly after the first year, and their negligence lead directly to her death.  It was shameful.