Comic Relief

[rwdeese]

Hey, sometimes life needs to be seen through humor... I can begin... and I am sure some of you will be able to follow:

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? 

[lvstephanie]

January 1, 2010 I decided that I would try to become more health conscious. I am now much more conscious as to how unhealthy I am! 

I'm getting much better at using my exercise equipment. It now holds a few cookbooks, a box of Oreos, and some give-away clothes that are too small for me.

[rwdeese]

Redneck Computer Glossary
"Hard drive" - Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.

"Keyboard" - Place to hang your truck keys.

"Window" - Place in the truck to hang your guns.

"Modem" - How you got rid of your dandelions.

"ROM" - Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.

"Byte" - First word in a kiss-off phrase.

"Reboot" - What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.

"Network" - Activity meant to provide bait for your trout line.

"Mouse" - Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.

"LAN" - To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."

"Cursor" - What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.

"bit" - A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch long ways."

"digital control" - What yore fingers do on the TV remote.

"packet" - What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip. 

[ktheodos]

That glossary is funny...thanks for sharing

[jwalker9316]

      Thanks all for brightening up my day!

[rwdeese]

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and drycleaners depressed?   

[rwdeese]

Wedding Vows 

A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing "wedding." The wedding vows went like this:

"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride."

[rwdeese]

From Patients' Hospital Charts...

 

1. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

9. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

10. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

[rwdeese]

The Bishop Advocates Polygamy:     

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"