Frustrated!

[froggylover227]

I'm at the end of my rope. Ever since I moved up to Massachusetts from New Jersey, my family back home expects me to visit them once every month or two. It's not that I don't want to see them, but the trip gets very expensive. It takes me a whole tank of gas ($30), tolls ($50), breakfast/lunch for the 4-hour drive ($25), and usually a night at a hotel ($50-75). My parents offer me to stay with them to avoid having to pay for a hotel, but it's very inconvenient to stay at their house. First of all, me and my fiance wind up having to sleep on the living room couches, which are very uncomfortable. Second of all, my old cat who now lives with them gets excited to see me, and does nothing but "meow" the whole night, keeping us up. Third of all, there's only one bathroom in the house, and with 5 people, it becomes a pain in the butt trying to get ready, use the toilet, etc.

Normally, I have no problem taking the trip. I usually can somehow manage to scrounge up the money for the expenses involved. But I am now at the point where me and my fiance are relying on everything we have to save for our wedding. I have lived up here for 8 months now, and my family has not even made 1 attempt to come visit me. I don't expect them to come see me all the time, as it was my choice to move up here. But I'm getting tired of being expected to go down to them all the time. My family is expecting me to come see them this weekend, for New Year's, as they have gifts for us and we have gifts for them. I get that. I wouldn't want to wait until mid-winter to exchange Christmas presents. But now I'm being forced to pick and choose, because I honestly don't want to stay at their house, but I also don't want to have to use the money in our savings account for a hotel. I hate having to make these decisions. I'm almost at the point where I just want to say screw it, I'll leave early in the morning on Saturday, spend the day with them, and then leave early in the evening Saturday night to come back. That would be a hell of a trip, 8 hours of driving in one day. But I don't know what else to do anymore.

My parents know my money situation, they know I am trying to save. They know the holidays just passed, and I'm strapped for cash. But they expect me to be there on Saturday, and the thought of staying overnight in their house bothers me. Its come down to me either having to take the money out from our savings for the hotel, or having to be uncomfortable for 2 nights in their house. It just makes me frustrated because I wish for once, they would be willing to come up here. I guess I'm not really looking for answers, I'm just venting, but feel free to pitch in your opinion of the situation if you like!

[camellia0]

Does your family Facetime? You just need to tell them again that you can't take the drive so often, unless someone wants to pay for all of your expenses.

[nadinastarr]

Make an itemized statement of everything and send it to them along with a note saying, "At this time, the cost for me to come see you AGAIN this month, is this much. If you want to see me, either pay for me to come see you as you know I am SAVING for the wedding, OR you are welcome to come up here. If not, please do not pressure me to visit so often. Thank you for understanding."
You could make it a bit funny, or entertaining, but all in all you may get a message asking WTH?!?!
I knew someone that did this, and her parents didn't realize just how much she was spending. She told them in her's OK I can pay to come see you, OR I cane eat this month and go to school.... Hmmm... Well, you sent me here to go to school soooo, I can't come see you this month!
They got a good laugh out of it!

[singletonb]

It would be easy for me to tell you what I would do but because we have totally different families, that may not be a good idea.  However, being totally open about what you are feeling, is very necessary.  I would share my feeling and then do what is in my best interest and hope that my family would understand. 
I pray that God will give you wisdom.

[ancmetro]

   We all have been there: Living beyond our means. Have a plan, set limits and design a budget. Here are some hints: Share a ride-Pick someone up that is going that way and make them pay for some of the fuel cost. Pack your own lunch. Make lunch brown bags for everyone going with you. Stay at hotels that offer discounts: AARP, AAA or other. Also, some hotels offer free continental breakfast or give you a coupon to go the local restaurant. There are many ways to save.

[gaylasue]

I would just let them know that due to the expense, you will not be available to visit except for holidays and special occasions. 

[countrygirl12]

You cannot drive 4 hours without having to stop and eat twice ?  Seriously?

Your complaining seems harsh as well as some of the other comments.  Maybe they will be dead soon and you won't have to worry about the burden of going to see them.  Again, sounds harsh but it is the truth.  I know several people who this holiday season was the first without both of their parents.  They would have given anything to be able to spend one more day with their parents.  And you are complaining because you HAVE to go see yours. 

We had a death in the family a few months ago and I would WALK 8 hours to be able to spend the day with them.

Having said that, if you do not want to go home then don't go.  You are an adult.  Just tell your family you are not coming in and that is that.

[wilberk]

Im sorry that really sucks:(. Yea Sometimes you just cant do it. Like you have a life to live too and your parents need to understand that.

[southernhorizons]

Wow, tolls are more than gas?! Is there another route you could take, to avoid some of that expense? You might be able to cut some of your other expenses too, to make the trip more affordable. Perhaps you could bring sandwiches or something to eat as you're driving (which would save time as well). It sounds like you already figured out that you could cut out the hotel by driving down and back the same day.
This trip seems pretty important, with the holidays and gift exchange. Maybe you could make an agreement that you'll come down this time, but then you won't come back until the spring or summer.
I guess it all depends on your priorities, and how much of a sacrifice you're willing to make. I know it can be frustrating when you are trying to save money, and it seems like everybody's trying to make you spend it.
8 hours seems like a lot of driving, but don't forget, it is broken up by the visit, so it probably won't seem that bad when you try it. I drive 8-10 hours each way when I go down to Virginia. And when I move down there, I plan on making trips back here to see my parents whenever possible.

[froggylover227]

You cannot drive 4 hours without having to stop and eat twice ?  Seriously?

Your complaining seems harsh as well as some of the other comments.  Maybe they will be dead soon and you won't have to worry about the burden of going to see them.  Again, sounds harsh but it is the truth.  I know several people who this holiday season was the first without both of their parents.  They would have given anything to be able to spend one more day with their parents.  And you are complaining because you HAVE to go see yours. 

We had a death in the family a few months ago and I would WALK 8 hours to be able to spend the day with them.

Having said that, if you do not want to go home then don't go.  You are an adult.  Just tell your family you are not coming in and that is that.

While you are entitled to your opinion, bear this in mind...my fiance, who always accompanies on the trip, is diabetic, and does need to eat regularly to keep his blood sugar normal. So it's not about me needing to stop and eat for myself. You shouldn't assume things before exploring the different possibilities of why they are the way they are.

[plennis]

If you think it is to much of an effort to go, then don't.  It's ONLY your family.  Leave early Saturday morning so you just have to spend one night in a hotel.  Bring a cooler along with food in it, even with diabetes (runs in my family) having to stop 2 times in 4 hours seems extreme. Eat at home just before you leave. You chose to move, so now you have to chose between your family and your wedding.  You could also probably find lots of ways to cut back on what you are planning on spending for a wedding, or ask your parents to chip in.  Go see them and explain in person that you cannot come as often as you would like fro this point on.