hard knocks

[dansazz]

I feel your pain! It takes a very strong person to finally face their fear and say enough is enough and actually do something about it! Feel proud- things will get better!

The only thing i feel is sadness. I don't want to have to do this, my daughter is the only good thing in my life. Part of me is just screaming to suck it up and take whatever you have to, and be here everyday for your daughter. I already feel like a lousy person, and If I do this I will feel even worse. The only thing that worries and upsets me is how my daughter will take it, and how she wont understand, and how she will need me and I wont be here. I just keep thinking about how at night when she is laying in her bed, she calls out to me "Daddy! I need ya." Which she does just about every night. that just echos in my mind while I think about this. I don't feel brave or proud or anything. And even leaving my wife hurts too. Altho there has been mostly bad, I think to the good times. And I think to the best time we has when it was just us and our daughter living together. no baggage, no adult lazy mooching kids, or their kids. We got along great, and had a few months or good happy times. But that is not enough out of six years. And it's clear nothing is going to change. It's crystal clear what her priorities are. and I'm not even on the list, and I feel like our daughter only is after her adult kids.

I'm not going to be told what my life is going to be, and told who to take care of and who to live with. I'm never asked or talked to, it's always her telling me how its going to be, and how i'm going to spend my life. It's not worth all the pain and depression. even to be with my daughter every day. In the long run she will be better off this way. I'm not worried about myself, I'll figure something out. the only reason i've even stayed for years is my daughter. bringing her adult daughter and her baby in is the last staw, we barely have the money or space to take care of just us and her adult son. I'm done taking care of lazy adults as tho they are children and enabling them to continue being mooches, but she clearly is not done. So she can do it alone. I will be there for my daughter but I can't waste anymore of my life on this. The bulk of my twenties was just thrown away on this. The only thing I have to show for it is a lot of time spent with my child. but I had to put up with things most people wouldnt for longer then anyone would, to do that.

Anyway I'm done rambling. thats for your input on it. It has helped to have an outlet to vent about this and get some opinions on it. i'm having trouble getting going and packing up. Really dont want to leave my daughter.