siblings and their fighting

[superteacher]

The truth is that it’s almost impossible to figure out who “started” a conflict, and which provocations led to which retaliations. If you take sides, you increase the resentments. Sometimes, one child was bullying another and was allowed to get away with it. But in my opinion every child has the right to be safe in his own home.

[superteacher]

I think that all kids need help learning social skills for handling conflict, which is an important part for them to grow up. But we can't expect them to know these skills if we don't teach them.The fact that the kids usually beg to play together when they're separated is your biggest asset in solving this challenge. Clearly they WANT to play together, they just get stuck in conflicts they don't know how to resolve. We need to teach them how.

[superteacher]

How to stop them fighting: 1.Stay Calm. Research shows that kids need to experience their parents as a "holding environment" -- a safe harbor in the storm of their turbulent feelings. If you can stay calm and soothe your children, they will eventually learn to stay calm themselves, which is the first step in learning to manage their feelings.

[superteacher]

2.Model civility. Say "The rule in our house is that we treat each other with kindness and respect. I hear screaming and hurting. That is not respectful, and it isn't allowed. Can you two work this out now, or do you need time to cool off?" this usually works well.

[superteacher]

3.Teach negotiation skills. The kids DO want to play together, they just don't know how to work out conflicts. Our job is to teach them. So if they aren't too upset, move right in and model conflict resolution. My mother used to do this a lot for me and my sister.

[hensleyll]

So after going thru couple of months fist fighting they have mellowed quite a bit ,so much so my oldest broke his wrist in a fall at the busstop so his bro decided to make him feel better by putting on a brace

[tzs]

They might fight each other but when it comes down to it, if they are in a situation where either one of them needed each other's help all that fighting will dissappear.They will take care of each other as family does and should do.

[hensleyll]

YES I AM SI HAVE A FEELING MAYBE LOT OF FIGHTING IS BECAUSE EVERYTIME THERE PARENTS TRY TO TALK TO EACH OTHER THEY END UP SCREAMING AT EACHOTHER wHICH IS WHY THEY SPLIT UP TO BEGIN W ITH