Getting rid of pesky teenagers

[mx3madman]

I really think that it would be the parent's choice to want to have there kid be part of the family after getting to a certain age, it would be a dicision based on how the teenager is living in there present situation.

[lucky382001]

So I am a 24 year old man, and I am living with, and engaged to a 41 almost 42 year old woman. Before you say anything about the age difference, let me just say that your opinion on that is irrelevant. She has a 19 year old son and a 21 year old daughter. For the longest time her son was living with us and drove me crazy, we finally got rid of him, altho he keeps trying to come back. And her daughter still lives with us, and she has a 10 month old baby. Talk about a headache. I should mention that both of her kids have the mentality of a 6 year old. I have been with her for almost 2 years, and every step of the way her kids have been here, either one or the other or both. We also have a baby together who is almost 8 months old, so you can see the conflict. This is driving me crazy. We gave her son 6 months to be out, and he was. Altho he keeps trying to come back with bribes and whatnot. Then we gave her daughter also 6 months. The time is almost up and she hasn't done anything but sit around the house all day, and now she is whining and crying that she's going to be homeless and she needs more time etc.. And of course her mom wants to give her more time. I've been pulling out my hair for 2 years, I'm ready for some releif. What do you guys think. What should we/I do?

When the time is right they will all leave the nest.  Perhaps you could help guide them rather than trying to force them. After all you are all family now. And you all seem to need counseling to figure out how you will fit all of your lives together because it just isn't right if you try to make her choose between you and her kids. If you are that selfish you will break everyones heart.  If you want a life with these people get counseling! Whether the kids live at home or not with their Mom they are still part of her life There are a lot of areas where those age differences that people talk about are very valid not that you won't find love there but in the way of alot of unexpected problems for the both of you.  Unfortunately this affects more than just the two of you. Good luck with this.

[dansazz]

We are not going to leave our home. We are not the ones that should have to leave. And it's not just the two of us we have a baby. We dont have a lot of money and have nowhere else to go.

[jordandog]

We are not going to leave our home.

It is HER home, you moved into it. It is also her son's and her daughter's home and was [probably] long before you showed up in their lives.

We are not the ones that should have to leave.

And that is because you had NO idea she had kids when you started seeing her, right? I honestly don't know what this statement has to do with it, other than making you sound extremely immature...."I was playing with that toy first and you're not gonna get it from me!" You have already said she allows them to walk on her and it doesn't sound like you have any influence, period. If you and your fiancee are on solid ground, the question of who goes and who stays is rhetorical - or should be.

And it's not just the two of us we have a baby. We dont have a lot of money and have nowhere else to go.

Then having a baby was not the best decision, was it? I'm betting her son and daughter think she is a fool for having a child with you when you are so close in age to them. You'll have to find a way to make more money, you already said you failed one child you had. Work together at finding some options for housing yourselves elsewhere or you will fail this second child of your's too.

This whole thing comes down to one point, IMO. You are too close in age to her kids, they will never look up to you, and you sound very jealous because you aren't 'allowed' to sponge along with them and you're not getting all the attention. Any woman who is given an ultimatum of, "It's either ME or YOUR kids" and she chooses the man is NOT a woman or mother I want to know. It doesn't matter how old or how irresponsible [she has allowed them to be], they are her kids until they take their last breaths. Mine our grown, have their own lives, but would never be told they could not come home if something bad happened. They would also not be told they couldn't move back because I 'had a new man' (would never be one that much younger like you are; I could never handle dealing with all the crap that brings) and HE didn't want them here. Give that ultimatum to me re my sons? I'll make sure the door hits you in the a** on your way out....