going to heaven

[elsieirabor]

One day, three men died and went to hell. Satan was there and the three guys asked to be sent to heaven. However Satan said that only the good people can go to heaven…so he let them give him a question each. If Satan can answer their questions correctly, the person will stay in Hell; but if Satan didnt answer it correctly the person can go to Heaven.
 
So the first person tries. He was a Mathematician, and he gave Satan a very tough maths formula. But Satan solved it in no time. So the mathematician goes to Hell…
 
The second person, who happens to be a scientist, gave it a try. He asked Satan to prove a very difficult Science question involving quantum theory and Newton’s law and watever sh*t in between. Once again Satan managed to answer correctly, so the man goes to Hell…*haiz*..*sad*…
 
The last guy goes forward. He was a ~censored~, so Satan laughed at him. Nontheless, he asked to be given a chair and an electric drill, and he was given those things. So he drilled five identical holes in a circle in the middle of the chair, sat on the chair and farted.
 
He asked Satan, “Which hole did I fart through?”
 
Satan examined the chair and measured the diameter of every hole. He turned the chair in everyway possible. Finally he said exasperated, “this hole”, pointing to the fifth hole.
 
“Wrong!!…haha..i farted through my A55HOLE!!!…. I go to Heaven!!!”…..
 
 
 
Foul Mouths of Italian Men
 
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
 “Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”
 
“You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country….we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives………
 
“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spella ‘Mississippi’.”
 
Farmhouse
 
A city slicker wanted to buy a farm. He found just what he was looking for. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.
 
He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of land.
 
The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it.