son's pet rat died last night - tips on dealing with a sad kid?

[erinelise2]

Broke my heart to see this 14 year old who is normally a tough teenager crying over his pet.  He'd had him for more than 2 years and he was fully grown when he got him so we don't know how old he was.  I guess it's just one of those things that a parent can't really do anthing about.

Any ideas on what to say other than I'm sorry?

[sspencer1]

My friend's 12 year old lost his hamster of 3 years. She let him have a little "service" for his pet with the family before they buried him outdoors.  This seemed to help him say "goodbye". So sorry your son lost his pet.  I remember losing my pet of 7 years when I was 18.  It is hard for a teen, but it teaches a lesson in life. 

[kittenkagome]

Its hard dealing with a lost pet no matter what age you are. I cried for days when I lost my cat to cancer, and I'm in my 20s. I could barely take it when my dog had to be put down, also due to cancer. Not long after that dog died, my other dog, who had grown up with him, died too. Its hard. There is not a set way to get through it, other that explaining that you gave him or her the best life possible. That we need to make sure that we use our lives to treat everyone well and make a positive impact, so that they (human or animal) can have the best of the time they are given. Giving a memorial service may be a good idea, but if you think that is too much emotionally, just try to cheer him up for a few days. Don't be in a hurry to replace the animal; Every animal is an individual and should be treated like one, and getting a new pet to replace the old pet right away might give some kids (maybe not teens, but still) the idea that the new pet will be just like the old one and that is just not so. Any new pet you get should be considered a new member of the family. In review: Just continue to say that your son did his best and took care of his pet rat well and gave him a good life, and that the pet rat was happy to have such a caring owner. Wait a while before considering a new pet family member, and make sure the pet is not expected to be like the old one who passed away.  

[demaina]

Honestly, I've lived through about 16 human family members dying, and all I wanted to do was just crawl up and cry.  I lost my first dog, who I had for 14 years.  I was 17 ish when she died, so she was with me for most of my life, and it hurt just as much as when I lost any other family members.  So, just think what you would say to someone else if they lost a family member.

Really, the only things I would suggest is offer to talk and/or, if he's not too tough for it, hug him for a while.  Just let him realize it's alright to miss his pet and he can talk to you if he ever wants to.

[tantricia44]

erinelise2 ~ Really sorry, about your son's pet. Now a days pets are considered 1 of the kids & losing them is just as heart breaking as losing a human love one. Someone posted to do funeral like a service for the pet. My first personal pet was a mouse named Micey. Everyday during certain times you'd hear the wheel turning.One day, I got home & dead silence greeted me; I knew something was wrong. When I got to the cage, Micey was on the ground w/the wheel on top of him. I don't know if the wheel fell on him or if he just died mid wheel running & falling out taking the wheel w/him. I bought a marble oval jewelry case w/lid & face of a white horse carved into the marble. I place him in the marble case w/his blanket, his little mouse toys & buried him in the back right under my window. We've moved from that house & if the new owners weren't plant lover or into landscaping, Micey may still be there.

My suggestion is don't get him another pet so soon, let him have that time to grieve, When he's ready for a new pet, trying getting him a different pet.While you're waiting for him to over this. Watch him closely, he my give you some hints on a future pet. Should he spark interest on a pet,encourage him & show your support . Time is only cure for this type hurt. 

[jenniferhoder]

I am very sorry for your son's loss.
I have helped my kids death with things dying in the past by telling them about heaven.
I am Catholic, so my kids do believe that all of our past pets have gone on to another place... a better place that they don't have to be in pain any longer.
I hope it helps!
Good luck!

[falcon9]

I have helped my kids death with things dying in the past by telling them about heaven.

I've always endeavered not to lie to my kids.  They seem better off for it as adults now.

I am Catholic

Well, that goes far to explain the lying.

[kapeh12]

Similar to what sspencer1 said, I had a friend whose 8 year old son lost his pet rat in the fall.  He and his younger brothers were devastated.  She held a small service in her back yard where her son made a little casket out of a box for his pet.  Decorated it with tissue and drawings.  Then they buried it in their back yard and all said good-bye.  The ritual helped them let go and move on.  Didn't take them too long.

A few months later (for Christmas) she surprised them by getting a cat.

[africanclaudie]

I agree with "kapeh12". We always had a little ceremonial burial in our back yard when one of my kids' pets passed on. I think the preparation of the little "coffin", the whole ceremony of the burial, the words spoken, etc, all help the person to deal with the loss. I hope your son is feeling better soon.

[ptfunds]

I'm so sorry for your son. It is hard to watch our children go through the pain of loss.  Like so many others have suggested, a small service in the back yard to bury the pet can go far in being part of the grieving process. Most of us have lost pets and know the sadness that comes along with it.  No matter what type of pet it is doing the feeding and care of a creature every day develops a relationship. It's hard to say goodbye to our friends. Perhaps your son can be involved in deciding how and where he would like to bury his friend.

[mzzsarah12]

Just give him some time to deal with it in his own way. When my puppy died I was a crying mess for about a month straight. It did kinda help that I had other animals to help me get thru it but it wasn't the same. Not saying its a bad idea to get another pet in the future for you but for me I wouldn't get another one, it really does feel like you have lost a family member. I would never want to repeat that feeling.

[erinelise2]

Thanks for your thoughts everyone.  It's up to him whether he wants to get a new pet.  Initially he said he didn't think he would want another small rodent type pet but he said something the other day that may mean he is reconsidering.  We still have a family dog (other dog died last summer - he was 13 so that was really hard for everyone).  He is very private about feelings so he went and buried his pet in the woods by himself.  I don't quite understand the handling it all alone but I respected it.

I think my son and Falcon9 might get along. 

[falcon9]

Thanks for your thoughts everyone.  It's up to him whether he wants to get a new pet.  Initially he said he didn't think he would want another small rodent type pet but he said something the other day that may mean he is reconsidering.  We still have a family dog (other dog died last summer - he was 13 so that was really hard for everyone).  He is very private about feelings so he went and buried his pet in the woods by himself.  I don't quite understand the handling it all alone but I respected it.

I think my son and Falcon9 might get along. 

Maybe so ... I've raised kids from little sprouts and while it's a tough row to hoe, the main thing is not to plant 'em too deep.