my heart.

[dguernsey1]

My heart belongs to him, but I cant have him because the one who cant let me go , is sick.
What do you do when your in love with some one, but the one you'v spent 20 married years too, wont be around long... I still love him, but not the same anymore.  He's an alcoholic, angry, broken..and I have tried in vain to help him, to stand behind him when his sister died at 22, and the his mother killed herself, exactly 1 year later. Only god can help him, but he's too angry..even for that..We split up for 3 years, just long enough for me to fall in love with someone  again. Then he got sick  and recieved a death sentence of 5 years. so, because its the right thing to do..at least in my heart, is to be with him till the end..Im trying to be a good wife and take care of him, like I should....while at the same time, cant get the other, out of my head.  All I can do is write about it....all I want to do is cry, but I pray instead. Its not something I can tell anyone...(I dont know why)....please pray for me! Its only been 4 months! 

[CharmedPhoenix]

Wow, you've got a tough situation there.  I'm sending you some reiki right now so hopefully you'll find peace in your situation.   

The doctor's aren't always good at predicting these things.  When I worked as a home health aid I had a client who was put on hospice because they "only had six months to live".  That was three yeas before I came along and they lived another year and a half.

If your lover returns your feelings, is supportive and will wait for you, then...

If your spouse is abusive to you and making you ill, then you have to take care of yourself.  If we don't take care of ourselves we can't take care of others.  You know the airline lesson:  put the mask on yourself first, then on your child because if you put theirs on first then pass out who will take care of them.  My brother just learned this lesson with our mom.  She's in a nursing home and treats him horribly.  She doesn't know what day she's on or remember things.  At first he was doing his "duty" and visiting often to appease her, but eventually he realized it didn't make a difference, she is in good hands and he has to live his own life.  Ask yourself what it's doing to you.  Will you have anything left after?  You deserve to be happy and live a full life too.

Ask yourself if it's actually better for your spouse to have you as his caregiver.  Nothing against you, but maybe other arrangements would be less emotional for him.  If you're there, if you went back to him, just because you feel sorry for him it's not the best thing for either of you.

I wish you peace and happiness.