Forgiveness

[tantricia44]

How long should you hate or hold grudge on someone? I'm asking because the person I can't forgive is dead. My mother in law & my husband are both dead. The one I still hate with fury & rage is My mother in law. She was an all together evil woman. I don't how she could have given birth to an angelic person like my husband. She was the opposite of him. Him kind her just hateful & mean. This is one the reasons why we didn't want kids what if we end up with an evil child like her. Her sins were many & still she got away with it scott free. My husband was born in the bathroom. His mother gave birth to him, took him outside & threw him in the garbage bin. Then went back inside like it was any other day. His Uncle found him because he started crying inside the garbage bin. His Uncle was the one who told him how he was born. Of course there was a shot gun wedding. He was raised by his grandparents while his mom worked at low paying jobs. And got fired at many of them b/c she was caught stealing. When his grandmother was dying he brought both of them to live w/him. Wrong move.She took over & basically rob him of 10 yrs of his life living with her. They were always fighting & she was stealing from him. She'd get credit cards approved under his name.
I fought w/him b/c he wouldn't believe about his mom stealing from him. When she dead, he found out that the 4yrs spent at his home she racked up $10,000.00 if credit card bills in his name. He spent the rest of his life paying the debt in monthly  installments. The day he died , I sent out the last installment. So, how do forgive someone who hated their own son from the day that he was born? Right now, hope she's burning in hell & suffering over & over & over again.

[angsilva2000]

SOME GUYS NEED TO LEARN HOW TO FORGIVE AN MEAN IT.

[Gerianne]

It takes great  courage to forgive.
It's hard to carry the burden of not forgiving.
 Holding on to your pain gives you unrest.
Letting go gives you peace.

[BK_Adores_Chase]

well, first of all, she probably is in hell --- and the only person you're hurting by holding a grudge is yourself.  ait's done and over with you have to forgive and forget.  maybe she was raised in a bad environment as a child and the way she acted is what she was taught and all she knew...?

[dreamyxo]

What is the point in hating her now?  What's done is done she's dead and can't do any more evil.  You are the one suffering not her.  Why you still giving her so much power even from the grave?  Obviously she had problems, maybe mental problems I don't know.  People can't help mental problems.  She was the person she was and nothing was going to change that.  Accept that that's who she was and move on.  If you tried everything but can't get past it I would suggest seeking professional help by a qualified therapist.  You don't have to forgive her for what she did because her actions are not something to be condoned but you do have to find a way to stop dwelling on a past that you can't change.

[springsgardner]

I'm by no means perfect. However, I remember when I was in Sunday School as a kid, that my teacher told us a story about a person who had many reasons to hate another person after what happened between the two of them. The teacher pulled out a backpack and started an object lesson by putting a rock in the backpack for every time the angry person thought of the bad things done by the other person as well as one for each day that passed without forgiving the other. In the end, the backpack was full of rocks and the lesson is that it is such an enormous burden to hold onto the grudge for the person who was wronged. As an adult, I learned that holding grudges can adversely affect a person's health.

I think it's important to remember that we don't have to like the person, we don't have to like what they did, and (if still living) we don't have to trust that person again. Forgiving them is more for us than it is for the person we are forgiving. It helps us to live our lives more deeply, with better health, and enjoy life to the best.

I would be very bitter and upset if someone did what your MIL did you the two of you. However, for the sake of my own life and the lives of the people around me, I think I'd work very hard to forgive her so I could be at peace instead of in pieces. I think it will help that the debt she incurred is paid off, if I read the post accurately, so that the financial obligation isn't hanging over your head any more. It's so sad that the last payment was when your Dear Husband died and that he never got to enjoy the benefits of it being paid off the way you probably have.

My advice, forgive and make a list of all the wonderful things that have happened in your life including the uncle that found your husband so you could enjoy him while he lived. Find peace and happiness, you deserve to be happy!

[dreamyxo]

I don't know who said this first but I heard Oprah say it on her show.    


"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different."

Some people don't get the perfect life or the perfect parents (family) it is what it is.

[healthfreedom]

You must forgive. Forgiveness releases you and set you free. As long as a person holds an unforgiving heart, he is captive by unforgiveness.

[chickenberrd]

You shouldn't hold a grudge on her just because she's hateful. You should never hold a grudge, because they're useless. They just make life unpleasant. Besides I'm sure it was just menopause, XD

[SherylsShado]

There's alot of great stuff in the above posts.  I think everyone has had at least one person in their life that they find it really difficult to forgive.  If you want to be the victorious one in that situation, forgive her...forget her and let it go.  It's hard but necessary if you wish to be the better person and if you wish to be happy.  Staying angry at her serves no purpose, she didn't make things right with you when she was alive and she can't now that she's dead.  Carrying around a load of unforgiveness tends to make people bitter, angry, negative and sick.  She's definitely NOT worth THAT.  I'd go visit her grave, I'd "tell her" what I thought about her...I'd tell her she's forgiven AND forgotten and then I'd go on with my life knowing how thankful I was that she was no longer in it...(but that's just me.)     Your husband sounded like a great guy...he deserves to be remembered for the wonderful person that he was in spite of his mother.  He also would have never been here for you, if it hadn't been for that awful wretch of a woman.  So maybe think of that and focus on the irony whenever you should happen to think about her meanness.