Avoiding Arguments

[ymmat12]

Has anyone been in a relationship where your partner just wants to argue all the time and prove that they are right over pointless matters? Right now, unfortunately, I'm stuck where I am for medical and financial reasons. One example of this stupidity: This man owns his trailer and truck outright, has a pension every month, works part-time, has 5 figures saved in the bank, but he won't pay his electric bill for 3 months and then blames me because the bill is so high!!! I get $123 per month general assistance from the state and whatever I can earn here on FC, and he's upset because I have no money to give to him for bills. On top of that, my food stamps buy almost all the food that we have and he gets mad because my food stamps don't last the whole month, not realizing they're only meant to feed one--not two. I also have to sneak around to wash clothes because he says it burns too much electricity. Sorry this is so long, just looking for some coping advice!

[jusu]

I was in a bad marriage for 24 years. Fighting over anything and everything just to prove his control over me. It was always something: money, work, what I said , how I said it...it stressed me out and gave me a bleeding ulcer over the years. I became anorexic/bulemic just to have some type of control in my life. It almost killed me. Our Son turned to drugs and became a serious addict. It almost killed him. One day I just snapped, told my Son I was leaving, he could come with me or stay...in less than 1 hour we were renting a car with a few of our clothes and driving cross country back to Illinois from Tucson. My divorce was final this year. No regrets, I'd do it again in a second. YOU have to think about YOU. Life is too short and too hard to live each day walking on egg shells. It's hard trying to make it on my own BUT I thank GOD everyday that I was strong enough to finally leave.

[cowgirlx]

If you are on food stamps than you already have someone to talk to.  First get the hell out!  They have this place where I live called the beeman home.  I don't know it that is just a local thing, or if it is every were, it is a shelter for battered women. Verbal abuse is still abuse.  It will be had to leave, at first. But every day you are away from him it will get a little easier.  There is also hud. Check into that they will supply you with a house to live in. Usually there is a waiting list. So the sooner you sign up the better.  But sweetie I went through it from 18 to 22 with 2 kids and got out.  I cried myself to sleep many nites, but one nite I just didn't.  Something just clicks.  We have been divorced for 8+ years and I have never looked back.  Now when I am forced to deal with him I feel nothing but contempt for him. The hardest part will be leaving, once you get there, it only gets easier, I promise.

[livinglifelearning]

Has anyone been in a relationship where your partner just wants to argue all the time and prove that they are right over pointless matters? Right now, unfortunately, I'm stuck where I am for medical and financial reasons. One example of this stupidity: This man owns his trailer and truck outright, has a pension every month, works part-time, has 5 figures saved in the bank, but he won't pay his electric bill for 3 months and then blames me because the bill is so high!!! I get $123 per month general assistance from the state and whatever I can earn here on FC, and he's upset because I have no money to give to him for bills. On top of that, my food stamps buy almost all the food that we have and he gets mad because my food stamps don't last the whole month, not realizing they're only meant to feed one--not two. I also have to sneak around to wash clothes because he says it burns too much electricity. Sorry this is so long, just looking for some coping advice!

ur fault

[ymmat12]

Sorry, but you're way off base....walk in my shoes...then judge.....

[trujillo33]

I totally agree get out of your relationship. Nobody should make u feel the way you r feeling...especially your husband. It sounds like there is not that much love between you two..so why stay??

[gayecat]

I agree - get out before it becomes worse.  This kind of behavior frequently turns to physical abuse and worse.  Every state had battered women's shelters that will take not only physical but this type of abuse.  Go to Social Services or what ever they call it in your state and get away before it gets worse.

[vlsm23]

There is obviously no love there, get out.  You may love him, but if he really loved you he wouldnt control you like that and would be willing to share.  A low-life loser with money is still a low-life loser.  Life is hard on little money and food stamps, but it sounds like you are pretty much living on that already - get help, find a friend or family member to help you out for a little while until you can start on your own somewhere.  Don't rely on a man who just puts you down and tries to control your every move and thought.   

[resebel]

I agree with them. There's a lot of resources out there that sure can help you. Do it as soon as you can and save your life, you certainly deserved to be happy but not with him.

[cowgirlx]

Please tell us you have gotten out, I don't even know you and I know you deserve better.  He deserves to be alone.  You deserve to be loved.

[ymmat12]

No, I haven't left yet. We have formed an uneasy "truce" for reasons I can't mention yet. As soon as I can share, I'll be happy to. Meantime, suffice it to say I am getting a break in life I really needed.

[mrisha]

No, I haven't left yet. We have formed an uneasy "truce" for reasons I can't mention yet. As soon as I can share, I'll be happy to. Meantime, suffice it to say I am getting a break in life I really needed.

I really hope you finally get away from this control freak.  I don't think things will get better even with the uneasy "truce".  I doesn't sound good to me.   This person is destroying your self esteem.

[dreamyxo]

Are you well enough to go to a shelter?  You have become too dependent on him and you are accepting this treatment because you feel you have no other choices when you do.  Do you have close family or friends you can stay with?  Unless you are laid up in a bed 24/7 don't make excuses another day.  If you can walk you can walk out that door and never come back.  Walk or take a cab to the nearest police station or social services agency and find out what services you can take advantage of.