Should I be dating again?

[brian8713]

This is a serious question. I'm a 31 year old divorced gay man. I have no intention of ever getting married again, nor do I want children. If I did live with someone again, I'd need to get to know them very well, and I'm also not moving/leaving my job for anyone. I'm fairly set in my ways -- don't want someone who spends my money; also don't want anyone who doesn't have their life together.

With this in mind, does it make sense for me to date again? Or am I just wasting peoples' time? I'm not intentionally trying to hurt anyone, but my marriage ended brutally and I really don't see myself ever wanting such a commitment again for the rest of my life. I crave companionship. I want sex. I'd like to have someone to travel with. And I plan on being upfront/honest with people that hey, I may not be looking for the same things you're looking for. But still, a part of me feels guilty. Like I'm not the person they want me to be. Does that make any sense? Should I feel guilt for dating? Or should I go out, have a good time, and let the chips fall as they do?

[Nancy5]

Honestly I think you should start dating again.  You just came from a bad relationship and you're (whether you admit it or not), you are bitter and hurting.  I'm not gay, but I went through what you did, a love relationship that went sour, I was done with men, hated then all.  A few years later I met a wonderful man who I fell in love with.  We got married and started a family, something I didn't think I would have.  Go out, enjoy life, it's too short to not do what you want, you never know who is waiting around the corner.  Good luck and please keep us posted

[gaby_ro_2004]

You are young, you should start dating again.But take your time and know that person very well before moving together.I got married when i was 31 and he was 38.Life is beautiful when you have the right person next to you.You will never find a nice person in a bar or online.Maybe you can find your half in another country,like my husband found me in Romania. Good luck!

[michele2042]

I see no reason not to begin dating again.   You said you plan on being open and honest about the way you feel.  Hopefully you will find someone who is looking for the same.   Good luck

[ghunter]

I have really cannot said one way or the other

[UGetPaid]

With all sincerity, you are really the only one who can honestly answer your own question.

[PGS28]

As long as you are upfront about your desires and intentions I see no reason to prolong dating.   It's weird that I'm telling you this because I'm always prolonging dating to focus on one thing or another, but if you're ready go for it!

[Katie_thehappywife]

as a divorced woman I would give yourself time to heal from all the things your going through. how you exit one relationship is how you will enter into the next one.  I know from experience. I dated to soon after my divorce my relationship was much worse. I didn't date after until 2013 when I met my now husband. your still young.  so give yourself time to heal from your emotional wounds first

[brian8713]

Thanks for everyone’s advice!! Katie, any tips on how long I should wait? The marriage ended about 5 months ago very suddenly. Honestly, I am over him. But it’s not my goal to jump into another instant-relationship, like what he did. I could do some dating, but totally honest, I’m just feeling depressed in general right now and don’t feel like doing much of anything. I’m always up-front with partners/potential partners about my issues with anxiety and depression because I’m well-aware it could be a deal-breaker for some, but most are surprisingly understanding. I guess I’ll just need to take the plunge and meet some new people, whether that’s today or another 6 months down the line. I do enjoy me time … probably a little too much. So yeah, that’s where I’m at right now. 

[JaniceSW]

It sounds like you have received some good advice already here on the forum.  I would say to take your time.  When you wonder if you might be ready, give it a test drive.  You can go out on a date or two and you'll know if it feels right.  As long as you are up-front about your expectations and who you are and what you feel, they will have the information about proceeding with a relationship.  I agree that you are very young to try to be making lifetime decisions.  Things can and do change with time and aging.  Good luck!

[cateyes1]

Good luck on if you do or decided to not date. you will know when it's right !!

[linderlizzie]

I'm thinking that since you're asking, you want us all to tell you to go ahead and do it. So do it!

[patapon555]

It's honestly up to you if you want to get back into the dating game again. It's a lot of work

[sbenkoski]

5 months isn't enough time to get over a person..... marriage ending or in a death. I get that your lonely, but it takes time to get over the things that happened and to start over. Find something to relearn you and the mistakes that caused the break up! Baby steps !!  Don't put the cart before the horse, slow down and think! Enjoy the freedom for a while. Being alone isn't that bad....

[surveypro2016]

Whatever you decide, be open and honest and true to yourself. You will find the right one when the time is right. Until then, have some fun.