should I be upset?

[tantricia44]

Today's my husband's death anniversary & I've asked my family members to light a candle in memory of him. Out of 5 siblings 3 brothers & 2 sisters, only my sisters & mom responded & nothing from my brothers! I can excuse my eldest brother, he lives out of the country but the other 2 I'm pretty upset about their combined silence! Am I being too sensitive about this?

[sbenkoski]

I don't think you're being too sensitive at all, I don't know how long your husband has been gone, but I know how I feel on the anniversary of my moms passing, and it's right around the corner she died right after Easter the year she died. It's funny how we all have our little things we do that make it all seem better when it come to death. For you it's lighting candles and for me it's buying roses that day because she loved them so much.  But over the years I've found some people who I called friends got down right nasty with me, telling me enough already you need to get on with your life. And your mom wouldn't want you feeling all bad she would want to see you happy. I'm like what did you just say ?? You know nothing of what my mother wanted nor do you have any business telling be how to grieve her death.......!!!!
I've been without my mother 10 years this April 19th and time has not made it better...  all it's done is made it different.  Don't feel bad for how others act it's not worth it .... light extra candles for the people who won't !! And for the reason i'm betting it's a guy thing !! I don't think they understand.

[debidoo]

I don't think so but you know what?  You do what you can and then I guess you have to be happy with that.  My husband passed away in Jan. 2013 and every year we go out to eat in honor of him it dwindles down in attendance every year but his youngest sister and her husband know how important it is to me and they always come.  If I have to be alone I will continue to do this as long as I am alive.

[oldbuddy]

You did your part by reminding them, now let it go.

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen."

[bshee58]

sorry for your loss, but the answer to you question, "No", your family is the main one that should be there for you at the time of your loss, you have every right to be upset when noone especially family is there for you. I would want my immediate family  to always show me that they care, Please keep God in your life in time of loss, never let go of his hand, cause he will never let go of yours. My prayers go out to you.

[didiinvent]

BRAVO

You did your part by reminding them, now let it go.

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen."

[hitch0403]

Verse (Click for Chapter)
New International Version Eccl 3:4
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,

“MOREOVER, BROTHERS, WE DO NOT WANT YOU TO BE IGNORANT CONCERNING THOSE WHO ARE SLEEPING IN DEATH; THAT YOU MAY NOT SORROW JUST AS THE REST ALSO DO WHO HAVE NO HOPE.”—1 THESSALONIANS 4:13.

[adriarobi]

The death anniversary of my son is always a hard day, and it happened on his daughter's 18th bday. Bitter sweet.

Mixed feeling all around.

Perhaps your brothers are not comfortable lighting the candle. That does not have to mean they did not think about him.

Everyone has complex emotions regarding death of a family member or loved one.

 

[sherryinutah]

There is such a thing as having reasonable or unreasonable expectations of people.  It isn't reasonable to expect your brothers to do things your way.  That actually seems quite controlling on your part.

To answer your question:

"Should I be upset"?

No.  You should be reasonable about asking someone to do something and understanding if they're non-responsive or say no.  People should always have the option of saying NO to a request.

 

[Nancy5]

I would light the candle in memory like I always did.  You can't make someone do anything.  If your brothers didn't respond I would be hurt but you have to let it go. Maybe it is a (guy) thing. I'm not sure but I will pray for him and know he's in heaven looking down at you.  God bless you.

[dancer139]

so sorry for your loss,,,,  You can't make people to things  like you want them too.  You did what you wanted to do so I would leave it alone. 

I always do something for my Mom,,,  but my brother never does a thing for her so I know how you feel.  But I just leave it alone and move on.

Prayers to you and the family 

[dreamyxo]

How do you know they didn't do it just because they didn't respond? He's your husband so no one else is going to care more than you.  Some people would rather remember a deceased birthday than the day of their death.  Not going to say you are overly sensitive about it but you were closer to him so your feelings would be different than theirs.

[patapon555]

Stop being entitled and expecting the world to cater to you. What if they actually did your request and didn't respond? What if they didn't have time?

[mrisha]

No, you aren't being sensitive, but were your husband and brother close?  Sometimes life steps in an a person can change.  Also it may not be the type of thing that will make him comfortable.  Also, when was the last time did you talked to your brother?  Do you know how things are going in his life?  Don't make assumptions, call your brother to see what is going on in his life.  Do it now!!!

[bremer51]

Some times people don't respond because they don't know what to say. The brothers are probably thinking of you, maybe even lighting a candle.  Don't be too hard on them. I think its more difficult for men to express their emotions.  (personal opinion, not a fact)