what do you do when your adult child is mean to you.

[moonangel]

my daughter is going thru a rough pinch. she was extremely mean in talking to me. i know why but i just dont know how to respond. of course i feel that this can never happen again . has this happened to anyone else. how did you handle it?

[lvstephanie]

You said she was going through some rough times when she was being mean.... If that "rough pinch" wasn't just in talking with you, but rather stems from some larger issue(s) then perhaps just talk with her about her placement of emotions. Have her see where the true source of her problems were stemming from and address those directly. And also be open when talking with others about the situation so that they understand that even if she spoke with emotion, that the emotion is directed elsewhere.

I think everyone gets a little more testy / moody when we are under a lot of stress. The key is to make sure you are placing your emotions on the actual issue and not on some bystander. The other day I was trying to get some prescriptions filled, but was having issues with the insurance not covering it (the pharmacy told me that their records showed that my coverage had expired last year, which it should not have). My emotions were running high and I was somewhat yelling to the pharm tech that was trying to help me. When she started to get a little defensive, I realized that she felt that I was taking my anger out on her. So I had to apologize myself and let her know that even though my emotions were a little hot-to-trot, I completely understood that neither her nor the pharmacy were the objects of my anger and I held them blameless in this situation.

[snuggleycutejc]

Is that how you feel in a calm voice get a cool water-down and say I care to share  you.   :sad1:one of fusioncash blogger very much hope you feel better filled with verbal wisdom. 

[debidoo]

Well sorry but don't have any good advice for you - I have two grown sons who I've done a lot for and their deceased dad did a lot for and they are good sons in a lot of ways but sometimes they talk mean to me especially the youngest one (in his 30
's) and a couple of times I informed him he doesn't have the right to talk to me that way but he still does occasionally so I don't know what to say but I hope things improve for your daughter and that she will realize it isn't right.

[linderlizzie]

I just take it and love them back.  They're adults and it's a little too late for correction at that point.

My youngest son is a millennial and it's kind of what they do, due partially to how they were raised in a society where everyone has to win all the time and no one is any better than anyone else. Leveling the field does not make a great person out of anyone.

I don't think it would be out of line to say that what they said hurt you, if you're so inclined to do that, but that's about all. That's my opinion, for what it's worth.

[potluck6]

it's true sometimes when people are going through a rough time they take their frustrations out on others mainly family members. Maybe just wait a few days to talk it out to her.Is it school,boys,job only she knows.I reember when my daughter was 19 she's 34 now, she broke up with her boyfriend and was miserable  and did take it out on us .

[bremer51]

Stay steady. Don't overreact. She still needs the mother she's always relied on.

[plennis]

I have ignored sometimes when it happens, but  later on I tell them that it made me feel bad.  Sometimes it seems like I am taken for  granted more often than talked badly to.

[moonangel]

thanks you all are right ill just let it go and  hope it does not happen again.

[Nancy5]

I would just let it go.  You said she is having a rough time.  It's easy to take your anger out on people who are close to you.  She probably didn't mean to be mean to you, but you are usually not going to be mean and hurtful to a friend.  You might lose the friend, but you won't lose your family.  The old saying, you always hurt the one you love. 

[reiddb]

I sometimes quietly say I don't deserve that kind of treatment and that I want to help if I can. Try to be understanding.

[Catwomanj10]

May 17, 2016

Hello to everyone out there in Fusion Cash World

How do you handle an adult child talking mean to you?

Well, I don't have any children.  But, I have worked with children.  And, I know and I understand that the question is "How do you handle an adult child talking mean with you?
Well, I have had more than one male tennant wyoung enough to be my son.

And, one in particular.....who still lives with Mario and I, (his six year old son included) has in the past mistreated me and one of our other tenements

So, at the time this incident took place and or at the time that these incidents were taking place, I, too, had been under a lot of stress without giving you a.ll the details of my life.

And, anyways,   I waited until my husband Mario was not around and I confronted this man and let him know that under no circumstances was I going to tolerate his disrespect towards me and others.

And, I basically told him, "You know John  (that is not his real name)  if you're not happy living with both my husband Mario and I you can move out at any time."

He then blurted out,  'No,.....and you're weird>"  meaning, of course, that he thought I wa strange or something.

So, I responded,  "You see John, that's a perfect example of why you should leave because obviously you think that I am weird and if you're not comfortable living here.........there's the door..........you can leave anytime you want to.....but if you are going to continue to live here, then you need to stop the name calling and disrespecting me because I am not going to put up with it." 

You dig?"  "It's your choice."

And, after that he threw a little temper tantrum like a two year old and I rememver he walked back quickly into his room and slammed the door........and because I had already gotten upset by his remarks and other stuff happending at the time, I pulled on his door and yelled at him, "You know what John why don't you just pack up your stuff and both you and your son can get out of here!"  "Because I am not going to put up wity you calling me names!"  Slamming the door and yelling at me!"

And, his response was, "Give me a three day notice!"

And, I yelled back at him,  "Ok I will do that if that's what you want@"

But, to make a long story short, he since that time changed his attitude and now he treats me very well.

So, to conclude,  don't put up with your daughter mistreating you.

God's word says, "Thou shall honor thy father and thy mother that it might go well with thee"  parapharase of the
bible.

And, the bottom line is that "you are her mother,  you carried her for nine months inside of you."  "You raised her and kept a roof over her head."  "You fed her."  "You taught her your morals"  And, you are her only mother and she needs to respect you.

Perhaps, you should tell her,  "Daughter I love you very much..but if you are not in a good mood and you feel the need to yell at me and or someone else."  "Then stay away from me, until you feel calm enough to talk with me without yelling at me. because when you do that you not only disrespect me, but you make me feel bad>'

"Tell me would you like it if I yelled and disrespected you?"  "I don't think so."  "So, don't do that to me because I don't like it!"  "If on the other hand, you want to have a normal conversation with me without emotionally harrassing me by yelling at me and disrespecting me then yeah let's get together and I will listen to you." 

Ok? 


And, then, of course, let her respond..............and yes, do not allow this type of behavior to continue towards you from your daughter!

[moonangel]

well i done nothing thinking it would just blow over and that was wrong cause now i dont care and am not a good mom and her attitude has actually gotten worse. she refuses to be nice to me.i know tht she has it bad right now but it is all her own fault.she made several bad decisions.but i can keep the grandkids she makes it where im not a good mom so i need to be a good grandma...grrr she is being impossible.  hopefully this wont last much longer, cause i am starting to get really mad.

[mrsmere]

Talk with them and demand respect and to be treated fairly.